Tahara in death | Imamother

Great ma ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 2:01 am

Sorry if this is not a nice topic but please can someone describe the exact tahara ritual step by step?
I have never been able to find this information out and I feel it shouldn't be inaccessible information if it's halacha and I'm nearing grandmother age

No harassing or criticism.

Lo habayshon lamed, lo hakapdan melamed

Thank you kindly

zaq ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 4:32 am

It varies by chevra kadisha, but essentially the body is cleaned of as many foreign adhesions e.g. nail polish, IV tubes, bandages, as possible without damaging the body or causing oozing of fluids. Then a prescribed volume of water is poured over the body, it's dried, and dressed in tachrichim which vary by community. The body is placed in the coffin, soil from EY is placed inside, the body is wrapped in a sheet, the chevra ask mechila of the deceased, the coffin is closed up.

Some chevras immerse the body in a mikvah, some don't. The body is covered in a sheet at all times, sheet is changed when wet, body parts are exposed only when and as far as necessary to accomplish the job.

You don't need to know exact details because you won't be doing the tahara unless you and Grandma are alone on a desert island. People are customarily barred from doing tahara on family members because of the distress factor.

Women are cared for by women and men by men to preserve tzniut even in death. Chit-chat is forbidden; the only speech is connected to the work, such as asking for materials or giving instructions.

When a Shayla comes up, a rav is called.

Iymnok ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 4:55 am

There are pesukim and tefillos that are said before and after.
After the clothing and chatzitzot are removed, the boys is fully washed.
The meis is then either immersed in a mikva or enough water is poured over it.
The hair is combed before the head is covered.
The tachrichim are put on and tied in the traditional way. Dirt from E"Y is put on the body according to the custom, sefardim and Ashkenazim differ. I don't know about Chassidim.
The whole meis is wrapped in a sheet, a passul tallis for men.
Anything that has any bodily fluids is placed in the aron.

If you do not live in a large community, they may let you join.
Many smaller communities are looking for volunteers.
It is chessed shel emes. It is helpful to be strong.

↑ Great ma ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 5:56 am

Wow. So beautiful. Sounds a bit like when preparing for tahara by tevilas mikva. That make sense? Being metaher before burial, a final way of treating the guf which was a kadosh keli during the neshamo's journey on earth.
We just lost a dear friend so we wanted to know a bit more about what actually happens.
Thank you for clarifying

mommyhood ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:28 am

Yes the removing chatzizas is very similar to mikvah for us they even cut the persons nails.
I have family members involved in this mitzvah and they treat it with the utmost respect and while it’s not secret they don’t come home and talk about it for no reason. It’s something that brings me a bit of nechama when a person is niftar knowing how carefully they’re treated.

mom2mysouls

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:38 am

Thank you for sharing. My brother does tahara and he always asked me if I would do it on the women.
I'm just waiting till my little ones grow up. I think it will be fulfilling (besides having a job) to be doing such a pure chesed.

↑ Iymnok ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 6:42 am

mommyhood wrote:

Cutting nails is not universal. Ask a rav knowledgeable in this area if it's preferred. The chevra kadisha in my hometown was told to stop.

seeker ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 7:05 am

PJ our way/library actually had a book about this on tween reading level, which I found fascinating. You're right that there's no reason this should be so mysterious. It was presented in a healthy, matter of fact, respectful way and I learned a lot.

It referenced some custom I never heard of to put broken pottery over the niftar's face, which isn't mentioned in this thread so I guess it's either more niche or not Orthodox. But overall very interesting read and fascinating that they presented it for young readers. I think it's profound and helpful for people, especially those facing loss, to have a matter of fact understanding of what happens next and how Judaism respects the deceased.

chassidisheveib ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 7:06 am

Great ma wrote:

You can watch a video on YouTube of them showing how it’s done. (On a dummy)

↑ Iymnok ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 7:28 am

seeker wrote:

You have to be careful.
My mother is on an international Whatsapp group for female chevra kadisha members.
Since it hasn't been spoken about, certain g*yishe costoms have crept in. There is a costom to sprinkle some dirt from E"Y on the eyelids and chest.

↑ seeker ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 8:05 am

Iymnok wrote:

I pre-read the book to make sure I was satisfied with the messaging, which is what I shared here. As for the finer details, I assume it will be quite some time before my 12 year old considers joining a chevra kaddisha, and at that point the senior members will give accurate instructions.

I grew up hearing that my grandparents were chevra kaddisha pioneers in this new country, but I think most young people don't even realize that this is something that needs people to do it. I don't think it's helpful that we shy away so far from discussing death.

↑ mommyhood

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 8:38 am

Iymnok wrote:

Cutting nails is not universal. Ask a rav knowledgeable in this area if it's preferred. The chevra kadisha in my hometown was told to stop.

You are right, they do not cut nails anymore.

Molly Weasley ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 11:23 am

seeker wrote:

I don't think it's healthy for youngsters to be giving this information, but whatever.

Pottery is used in frum circles.

↑ chassidisheveib ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 11:26 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Why would you assume that it's not done?

I was wondering if it’s true because that’s what someone told me and I was thinking I don’t know cause I know in the holocaust people probably didn’t get tehara.

↑ Molly Weasley ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 11:37 am

chassidisheveib wrote:

I was wondering if it’s true because that’s what someone told me and I was thinking I don’t know cause I know in the holocaust people probably didn’t get tehara.

I'm having a hard time following you. Certainly, during the ‏Holocaust the niftarim did not have a Tharah. Consider the logistical challenges of getting it done!

Just the fortunate ones received a burial, the rest just rotted away Crying

↑ chassidisheveib ↓

Tue, Dec 03 2024, 11:40 am

Molly Weasley wrote:

Meaning ppl who were killed al kiddish Hashem.