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Forum
-> Parenting our children
Cheiny
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 Today at 1:21 pm
I went out this morning to the supermarket. It was extremely cold, I believe in the high 20’s. When I came out of the store, there was a mother holding a baby in her arms, speaking on her cell phone, and walking to her car with a huge wagon filled with many shopping bags full of groceries. As she juggled her phone, her baby and the wagon, she then proceeded to open the trunk of her car to load the groceries. She was moving slowly presumably because she was doing all three at once.
I glanced at the baby and was horrified when I noticed the child (perhaps a few months old) had nothing covering his/her legs from the knees down, they probably were wearing either a skimpy stretchie or a thin pajama, so nothing covering the legs or feet at all, no socks, and the jacket he/she was wearing on top was completely open and undone!
I myself was wearing gloves and my hands were frozen even with the gloves on, so I was imagining how that baby must’ve been freezing with his/her legs and feet completely bare and the jacket not even zipped or buttoned up! I was close enough to hear the mother’s phone conversation which was a casual one, so no, this wasn’t an “emergency situation,” which I’m sure some here may soon suggest…
As I watched her taking her time, loading the many bags into her car, again while juggling her phone and the baby in her other hand, I went over to offer my help… I interrupted her phone conversation and gently suggested the baby needed to be wearing socks and not have her legs exposed in below freezing weather, as I felt that was the most pressing issue. Before I could offer my help with the bags, she curtly nodded to me and then turned her back and returned to her call.
I pray for that helpless baby who must’ve been absolutely freezing. What I did notice was that ironically the mother was dressed very warmly herself. Everything was covered. She also was not very young looking, so no way to explain it away as a very young, first-time mother who doesn’t know any better… She finally decided to put the child into the car and then finished loading her bags while casually talking on the phone.
I left there feeling so sad that it didn’t occur to this mother to be more careful with how she dressed her child before taking him/her out into the freezing weather. Dan l’kaf zechus? I didn’t see any possible logical explanation for it, no matter how I tried, other than neglect or carelessness.
Could this very young baby have pulled off their socks, removed their leggings/pants, and unbuttoned their jacket? Not at all likely, more like impossible. Hashem should watch over those who are helpless…
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Success10
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Today at 1:31 pm
Young babies do tend to rip off socks and booties. It’s a game of theirs. It could be the mom just gave up trying to put them back on after the zillionth time.
That being said, it’s not ok or fair to the child. She should have figured out some solution. Perhaps putting the baby in the car seat of in the heated car for a few minutes while she loaded in the groceries, even if said child screams when not being held.
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Cheiny
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Today at 2:55 pm
| Success10 wrote: | Young babies do tend to rip off socks and booties. It’s a game of theirs. It could be the mom just gave up trying to put them back on after the zillionth time.
That being said, it’s not ok or fair to the child. She should have figured out some solution. Perhaps putting the baby in the car seat of in the heated car for a few minutes while she loaded in the groceries, even if said child screams when not being held. |
I don’t think the child ripped off socks, pulled off pants and opened their coat, like I said… and even if they did, the mother should’ve put them back on before taking them back outside and having to be out there while she loaded her car… it was really hard to watch.
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amother
NeonGreen
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Today at 2:57 pm
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Maybe they had a diaper blow out in the car and that's all she had on her to change baby into.
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giftedmom
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Today at 3:16 pm
Yeah 100% she should’ve put the baby into the heated car before unloading the groceries. Would’ve spared her extra work too.
I find it very sad to see children with a jacket and bare legs, most of the time for “fashion” because it “looks cute”.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Today at 3:17 pm
Could be lots of reasons:
1. Baby ripped off their weather-appropriate clothes.
2. Baby had a diaper blowout.
3. Baby is literally going from heated house to heated car to heated store and mom doesn't want to overdress baby, because overdressing is as dangerous as underdressing at this age.
4. Mom has EF difficulties and simply didn't realize it would be this cold.
5. Mom runs hot and didn't realize baby doesn't, because she's a new mom.
6. Mom completely miscalculated the weather because she's not used to the cold.
7. Baby HAD weather-appropriate clothes and proceeded to toss them into water/snow/slush/whatever you had there.
How was mom dressed?
Honestly if it was just while packing groceries into a car I wouldn't worry. If you saw a mom taking a baby out for a walk, or to the park, like that - then yes worry.
ETA: I see you said mom had everything covered herself, and she isn't young-looking. May I remind you that the average age of mothers at their first birth is rising. Not young doesn't equal experienced mom.
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kenz
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Today at 3:19 pm
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It’s 100% not ok but I imagine she felt very uncomfortable when you approached and preferred not to engage with you. That said, I would assume your words did have an effect and hopefully she will be more careful in the future - even if only to avoid unsolicited advice. 😉 I would have been horrified too.
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amother
Cognac
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Today at 3:24 pm
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She should’ve put the baby in the car before continuing. That being said, this Shabbos was really cold and my baby had a huge blowout- went through his onesie, outfit, AND blanket. I always keep a spare stretchie in my diaper bag but I forgot that I only had a thin one in there since it had been warmer the last few weeks. I did my best to keep my baby warm but he mainly only had his coat to keep him cozy
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amother
Tiffanyblue
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Today at 3:24 pm
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I don’t think this was ok but honestly it’s so hard with babies in the winter. My baby cries every time I get him dressed or put him in a coat. And he gets way too hot if we’re in the car for more than 5 minutes. So honesty if we’re just getting in/out of car straight to the house I usually just wrap him in a blanket.
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Tao
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Today at 3:26 pm
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At this time of year, it's probably a good reason, like others said above. But I HATEHATEHATE when its the turn of the season from winter to summer, still reallly cold, the mothers are still in winter, but the kids are wearing sleeveless rompers with no legs because the calendar officially says its spring....imo its child abuse, I say it every year!!!
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amother
Mayflower
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Today at 3:35 pm
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Even worse, I saw a newborn covered with a thick warm blanket in 90+ degrees. That's actually dangerous in addition to uncomfortable.
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amother
Denim
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Today at 3:36 pm
| kenz wrote: | | It’s 100% not ok but I imagine she felt very uncomfortable when you approached and preferred not to engage with you. That said, I would assume your words did have an effect and hopefully she will be more careful in the future - even if only to avoid unsolicited advice. 😉 I would have been horrified too. |
So maybe she felt uncomfortable. Not as uncomfortable as the frozen baby.
I once walked over to a total stranger when I saw her baby in an unsafe situation. No dlkz stories please. The mother was right there, relaxed, no other kids bothering her, and I’m not sure it was the father but a man nearby probably was.
I said what I thought she needed to know and walked away. A short while later I noticed she took care of the problem.
Cheiny was 1,000% right for saying something.
(For the record my babies all remove socks and booties at remarkably young ages. I take them out in something warm and footed when it’s freezing. Definitely not fashionable. They’re little geniuses at removing clothes but they don’t develop a fashion sense until they’re at least two years old so they don’t seem to mind.)
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amother
Fuchsia
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Today at 3:37 pm
20 degrees is not extremely cold. Cold yes, but not going to cause damage within a reasonable time frame (less than an hour).
Regarding the jacket, she’s probably careful about car seat safety. My kids only wear fleeces in the car, regardless of temperature. Pants or lack thereof, maybe the baby had a blowout or the pants just bunched up.
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Ruchel
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Today at 3:38 pm
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Some cultures hold in not covering kids too much. I wasn't there so I don't know extreme vs crazy
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Ema of 5
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Today at 3:40 pm
| Cheiny wrote: | I went out this morning to the supermarket. It was extremely cold, I believe in the high 20’s. When I came out of the store, there was a mother holding a baby in her arms, speaking on her cell phone, and walking to her car with a huge wagon filled with many shopping bags full of groceries. As she juggled her phone, her baby and the wagon, she then proceeded to open the trunk of her car to load the groceries. She was moving slowly presumably because she was doing all three at once.
I glanced at the baby and was horrified when I noticed the child (perhaps a few months old) had nothing covering his/her legs from the knees down, they probably were wearing either a skimpy stretchie or a thin pajama, so nothing covering the legs or feet at all, no socks, and the jacket he/she was wearing on top was completely open and undone!
I myself was wearing gloves and my hands were frozen even with the gloves on, so I was imagining how that baby must’ve been freezing with his/her legs and feet completely bare and the jacket not even zipped or buttoned up! I was close enough to hear the mother’s phone conversation which was a casual one, so no, this wasn’t an “emergency situation,” which I’m sure some here may soon suggest…
As I watched her taking her time, loading the many bags into her car, again while juggling her phone and the baby in her other hand, I went over to offer my help… I interrupted her phone conversation and gently suggested the baby needed to be wearing socks and not have her legs exposed in below freezing weather, as I felt that was the most pressing issue. Before I could offer my help with the bags, she curtly nodded to me and then turned her back and returned to her call.
I pray for that helpless baby who must’ve been absolutely freezing. What I did notice was that ironically the mother was dressed very warmly herself. Everything was covered. She also was not very young looking, so no way to explain it away as a very young, first-time mother who doesn’t know any better… She finally decided to put the child into the car and then finished loading her bags while casually talking on the phone.
I left there feeling so sad that it didn’t occur to this mother to be more careful with how she dressed her child before taking him/her out into the freezing weather. Dan l’kaf zechus? I didn’t see any possible logical explanation for it, no matter how I tried, other than neglect or carelessness.
Could this very young baby have pulled off their socks, removed their leggings/pants, and unbuttoned their jacket? Not at all likely, more like impossible. Hashem should watch over those who are helpless… |
I left my house this morning with a baby that I wasn’t planning to take. I had time to get him a coat, but I didn’t have time to get him socks and shoes. Also, when I went out it was 34°, which is still cold, but warmer than 20°.
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Ema of 5
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Today at 3:43 pm
| Success10 wrote: | Young babies do tend to rip off socks and booties. It’s a game of theirs. It could be the mom just gave up trying to put them back on after the zillionth time.
That being said, it’s not ok or fair to the child. She should have figured out some solution. Perhaps putting the baby in the car seat of in the heated car for a few minutes while she loaded in the groceries, even if said child screams when not being held. |
And then she would have been judged for either not putting back the cart or for leaving the baby in the car while she put back the cart.
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rmbg
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Today at 3:57 pm
I can tell you what she WASNT thinking:
1) I dont care about my baby
2) its okay to take a baby out in the freezing cold weather and not be properly dressed
3)my babys health and well-being isnt important to me
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amother
cornflower
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Today at 4:21 pm
So I went out with my 16 month old.
He pulls his gloves and hat off. Throws his blanket down too. Its freezing.
I do not think any mom would do this on purpose.
So I'm trying to teach my baby to keep it on and its a struggle. I would not appreciate any advice from you judgy moms out there who think I'm not capable enough.
I let my older 7 and 9 year old feel the weather for themselves and decide if they neeed a jacket or coat or sweater. ( They are on a long bus ride so they usually take a thin sweater even if its 20 below.
So now, My 5 yr old thinks its cool to go to school without a coat or sweater at all and I DO NOT FIGHT.
Said teacher called me already and I answered " Said Child is 5 and KNOWS that its cold. I will not pick a fight over this. Teacher was horrified.
And my pediatrician confirmed you get sick from being indoors with so much germs, not outside in the cold.
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AlwaysGrateful
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Today at 4:33 pm
| amother cornflower wrote: |
And my pediatrician confirmed you get sick from being indoors with so much germs, not outside in the cold. |
This is important.
Are you concerned for her baby's health? In that case, you have no reason to be concerned.
Are you concerned for her baby's comfort? I'm assuming the baby would have been crying if he was uncomfortable.
So why are you so concerned. Because it's just wrong? On principle?
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amother
Forsythia
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Today at 4:43 pm
| Ruchel wrote: | | Some cultures hold in not covering kids too much. I wasn't there so I don't know extreme vs crazy |
So socks would be too much? Really?!
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