Preteens/teen girls relationship with father

amother

Fri, Nov 29 2024, 2:56 am

When my 2 DDs turn a certain age they no longer want to hug their father. They don't have the same hugging loving relationship and it hurts DH. They also barely talk to him anymore and come to me for everything. Any ideas to improve things?

amother

Teal

Fri, Nov 29 2024, 3:02 am

Try yo improve it other ways. When I was that age we used to have daddy daughter dates that we would go out individually and do something with him.

Elfrida

Fri, Nov 29 2024, 3:31 am

No need to encourage them to hug, but develop the relationship in other ways. If they have an instinctive sense of when to reduce physical contact with males, even their father, that's great.

Where else can they connect? I always used to take the dog for a walk on Friday nights with my father. Officially I wasn't allowed on the fields by myself at night, but he always came with me himself, instead if delegating, and we had some good conversations together. Is there any hobby they can connect over? Even doing puzzles together.

One evening a week my mother used to work late, and we made supper and had it together with my father. It was a more focused time together. The rule was that we cooked, and he would clear up afterwards, but it was often a joint effort, and another connection time.

Tirza

Fri, Nov 29 2024, 9:17 am

If your husband has a patient and supportive manner, then maybe he can help them with their homework, or learn parsha with them on Shabbos.
Or, they can do a sport together on Sundays- basketball, bowling, bike riding…

giftedmom

Fri, Nov 29 2024, 9:24 am

Does he take an active interest in their lives? do they feel safe coming to him with questions and concerns? Have they shared a close bond until now? If yes I wouldn’t worry. It’s probably temporary.

Chayalle

Fri, Nov 29 2024, 9:29 am

amother OP wrote:

Try to draw them into conversation with you and your DH. When DH comes home, I often call my teen downstairs to say Hello, and we all talk for a few minutes, he asks her how her day was, etc....

Occasionally he will drive her to school (which gives her an extra 15 minutes of sleep! Gold for any teen) and that's also a great time for conversation.

amother

Myrtle

Fri, Nov 29 2024, 9:50 am

My father always says, quantity time leads to quality time and boy does he know what he’s talking about.

amother

Impatiens

Fri, Nov 29 2024, 11:37 am

my dh plays games, goes on vacations, talks about things like science and cracks jokes with my kids including preteen/teen girls. he's also there to talk about whatever they want. they come to me to talk about school and friends but there's still plenty that they will discuss with him.

completely agree with the poster who said "My father always says, quantity time leads to quality time and boy does he know what he’s talking about." right now my teen daughter is talking to my dh about music....