Anyone seen Malkybtalks on instagram?

amother

Hosta

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 8:32 am

Peersupport wrote:

You can learn many things from all kinds of decent humans. Religous or otherwise.

As long as there is no space for people like her in our communities, I don't think we get to judge.

Agreed.
Imagine you aren't accepted in the community and then the community is upset at you for leaving? Double edged sword.
I appreciate a lot of her content and disregard the parts I don't like. Just like anyone else on insta.

amother

Vermilion ↓

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 8:42 am

amother Hosta wrote:

I agree. It's a lose lose scenario.
Whatever she does people won't be happy. Or maybe people will tell her to stay in a marriage where both she and her husband are suffering. As long as she doesn't rock the boat.

amother

Oatmeal ↓

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 8:46 am

I think the idea that there are all these people who are now popping up and telling their lifestory of being gay in the frum community raises a lot of questions.

Clearly, being gay is not a new phenomenon. For hundreds or thousands of years, people who may have been born gay stayed in their marriages, raised their kids and did the best they could. They ignored the parts of them that felt gay- or simply weren't so aware of them- and stayed frum, within the frum community.

It's only today, when being queer is so accepted in the secular community, that frum men and women feel they need to be "true to themselves" and come out as well. In fact, it's portrayed as a crime towards yourself and your spouse if you stay in a marriage while being gay.

I cannot judge someone in that position. But I think its clear that in the day and age where being "authentic" and "self-fulfilling" is lauded as the greatest attribute, as a be all and end all-being selfless and sacrificing parts of oneself for one's family and yiddishkeit falls to the wayside.

amother

↑ Oatmeal ↓

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 8:51 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

I don't know her life story in depth, but I've seen some of her content. And again I'm not judging her per se.
But your usage of the word suffering is interesting.
She clearly had a good relationship with her husband. Her husband is a fine person who treated her well. There was no abuse.
Her suffering seems to have been limited to the realm of not being in a marriage that she could be in love in the way she feels nature intended for her.
Using "suffering" in this context is just very indicative of the 21st century.

amother

↑ Vermilion ↓

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 8:51 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

It kind of is very sad for someone to live with a spouse that has no attraction to them and very likely is even disgusted. What kind of marriage is that? How would you feel in such a marriage?

I think it's a good thing that there's becoming some kind of space to care about actual individuals in a system over the system.

amother

Freesia

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 8:53 am

Peersupport wrote:

I think she is very self aware and well articulated.
I don't love her style of sharing, but her insights are spot on.

I do believe a mother needs to be at peace with herself to be a good mother.

Her children have a religious father. They are in a Frum school. They have a loving mother who respects their choices. Children can thrive in non traditional settings. Life is not a one size fits all.

Then it’s a mother’s job to make sure that she has peace that does not come at the expense of her children. You can’t just use this rationale to bail on your parental duties. These excuses really irk me.

↑ nursemomma

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 8:54 am

Peersupport wrote:

You can learn many things from all kinds of decent humans. Religous or otherwise.

As long as there is no space for people like her in our communities, I don't think we get to judge.

There is a difference between not judging and commending someone for their actions. You are doing the latter. Which is wrong according to the Torah.

amother

↑ Vermilion

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 8:56 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

It is suffering to be intimate with a person you are are not attracted to and are possibly disgusted by.

Perhaps the 21st century has brought some good things.

Back in the day way more people lived through abusive marriages because there were no optiins. Is that a good thing too?

amother

↑ Oatmeal

Thu, Nov 28 2024, 8:57 am

amother Vermilion wrote:

It kind of is very sad for someonr to live with a spouse that has no attraction to them and very likely is even disgusted. What kind of marriage is that? How would you feel in such a marriage?

I think it's a good thing that there's becoming some kind of space to care about actual individuals in a system over the system.

I agree.
And it's also sad when someone is born with a handicap, or gets injured and becomes handicapped.
When someone has cancer. When someone has mental issues.
Life has many challenges.
There's nothing new in it.

If we believe that Hashem created these challenges, we can view the solutions differently. But somehow, in the majority of these case, the challenge becomes the impetus to leave yiddishkeit.

locked because discussions of LGBT are only tolerated when someone is asking for help and advice.