Don't be this person

amother

Razzmatazz

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 2:06 pm

My in-laws are wonderful people, not crazy, but my MIL makes me crazy if she goes into my kitchen. Because naturally then she is in charge. I try not to let her 'help' in the kitchen, but she really wants to feel at home. Last yuntif I had her slice the roast, which she does beautifully, figuring that would be harmless. She called out commands to everyone else in the kitchen (busy serving other dishes) to get her 3 platters, knives, equipment etc. Then she tasted and announced 'Hmm...I would have taken this out of the oven 15 minutes earlier'. I truly almost lost it and yelled at her, I was so so triggered (and she was wrong, the roast was perfect, not that it matters). If anyone has a respectful reply to suggest that conveys the required sentiment (PLEASE. STOP. NOW.) I would appreciate it for future yuntifs. There is always something like this. Every time Smile

amother

Eggshell

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 2:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

Don't be the kind of person who will take a bite of out something a host serves you and declare how to improve it.
.

Super annoying.
I have an aunt who does that. "Next time you make this, try adding fresh cilantro. It's a real game changer." "Did you think about adding nuts to this? It would give it a more interesting texture." Can't Believe It

honeymoon

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 2:27 pm

I would make menu cards and add your explanation after each course on the card as a way to preempt the criticism. But I can be passive aggressive sometimes. Very Happy

I hope the dinner goes well.

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:02 pm

I would keep quiet during the meal but afterward I would say bye whatever so glad you enjoyed even though I didn't serve what you approve of for dessert! Bye cilantro professor so glad you seemed to enjoy the soup even though I didn't put in what you approve of! Say that to everyone who had an opinion and they'll think more clearly next time.

amother

Papaya

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:28 pm

Ugh op I totally get you.
My mil always comments on what I should’ve could’ve done and what I shouldn’t do and why did I cook this not that and is that all I cooked and all the dessert/fruit I bought. Can't Believe It

My sibling in law refuse to eat almost anything I cook my mil brings some of her own dishes she says it’s to help me but I have a feeling it’s because she’s worried her poor kids will starve in my house including my dh who she constantly asks what he eats. Oh and she invites herself over 3x a month and it doesn’t work for me isn’t an acceptable answer

happy chick

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 4:25 pm

amother Eggshell wrote:

Sure, I'll try that next time and hope you choke on it. Sorry, I couldn't resist Can't Believe It

Seriously, and I thought today's generation was messed up. Since when have good manners been banned?

CPenzias ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 5:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

Don't be the kind of person who will take a bite of out something a host serves you and declare how to improve it.

I'm just getting this off my chest here in advance. I'm a BT who is hosting a big Thanksgiving dinner, and I am already cringing inside knowing a few people at my table won't be able to hold themselves back from telling me how they would have made the dish. Seeing as no one offered, I'm making it my way thank you very much.

So in advance:
- no, I don't think my butternut squash soup would be better with cumin. My husband won't eat touch it.
- no, I don't think my stuffing needs XYZ seasoning.
- no, my rolls are great as white bread, I'm not looking for whole wheat.
- no, I don't need to serve fruit at dessert. Pumpkin pie counts as a vegetable on Thanksgiving.
- no, I don't need to know that you prefer I keep the yams whole, I like to mash them the way my mother did.

Just had to vent, thanks.

You tell them "thank you. You'll make it next time so I can taste it the right way"

↑ CPenzias

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 5:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yeah, but no. I'm not doing that. I'm not a restaurant. And they can't bring the dish, they don't keep kosher.
This is my mother in law, father in law, adult children.

The only acceptable comment is "pass the gravy" or "this was delicious".

When they make these comments, I just smile. This thread is just for me to vent.

Ah. I didn't see this before I commented. Point to the garbage can and tell them to write their suggestions for the suggestion box.
You sound too classy so I know you won't do that. Feel free to vent. I did all of yom tov and my mil was supposed to do Thanksgiving. She isn't up to it so she isn't. Instead she's coming for shabbos (which means I have to cook) I'm annoyed. I wanted a break. I need a break but I guess now isn't the time.

amother

Darkblue

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 5:23 pm

amother OP wrote:

I actually thought thats what they were going to do! They sent me a $200 check, which was very generous. But not enough to cater.

Could the $200 plus you contributing the amount you’d spend on ingredients plus extra to cover the time you’re saving be enough to pay for catering?

amother

Mustard

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 6:16 pm

I can't imagine having as much forbearance as you, OP!

I've taken to complimenting myself out loud when my kids (not adults yet!) forget to, especially yomtov when I worked extra hard.

"Wow, mommy, this soup is so delicious! Creamy and spicy and perfect for such a cold night."

They usually laugh and come up with their own praise for the next dish.

amother

Daisy

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 10:41 pm

amother OP wrote:

Thank you for that. They really are nice people, but I think they are just old and grumpy at this point.

My in laws are old and grumpy. They came for several meals over the Tishrei chagim.
My FIL will sit at my table and say , "this has no taste" while everyone else is gobbling up the dish.
I just smile and ignore them. I know I'm a good cook and DH, my kids, and all my other guests always compliment my food and usually polish off everything.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 8:16 am

amother Daisy wrote:

Oh yes. My FIL will ask for salt, pepper (which will be on the table) and condiments not on the table. Nothing will be hot enough. For my MIL, nothing will be sweet enough, she wants everything to have a ton of sugar and that's just not my style. I'm already making her a special pan of stuffing because she has a visceral reaction to mushrooms and literally gets insulted if they are in her presence.

Thank you all for your support! This too shall pass.

imaima ↓

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 8:21 am

amother OP wrote:

I hate these types of discussions!!!
Omg
Keep your yams whole and eat them at your home!!!

↑ imaima

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 8:23 am

amother OP wrote:

Thank you. I do NOT want to be doing Thanksgiving, the last thing I need is another "chag" to cook for and host - this used to be the one time a year I got to drive and be a guest! My MIL used to cater it. They live in a retirement facility now and can't host. The other person who in theory could have hosted does not have a kosher kitchen (my MIL used to keep hers kosher) so we could heat up the food, so she can't host. They don't want to use sternos.

Not going is really not an option. We go to them every other year, so at least I get next year off. Next year we go to my family... family dynamics are weird.

They want me to host. So it's just one more day for me. I can take the comments, I just want to growl inside.

You can always invite them to come earlier and cook in your kitchen

Roots

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 10:13 am

lol if these comments are hard for you to hear, dont move to israel
here on any city bus , or at the drs office any random person will tell you ho hot or cold your child is, how hungry/thirsty your child is. if your baby should wear a hood or not lol
people are every blunt here
but you get used to it (and usually ignore)

also, sometimes they really say stupid things cuz they have nothing else to say..

thatworn

Wed, Nov 27 2024, 10:29 am

Can someone explain this whole thread to me? I feel like OP is really doing a great job cooking and organising a meal and then a bunch of adults come over, eat and complain?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I did not grow up un America, so maybe I do not have the right mindset here, but if it is THANKSGIVING, would the guests not GIVE THANKS to the hostess for her time and energy? Even if the food were awful (which I am sure it is absolutely not), why would they make any negative comments whatsoever? Do people seriously have zero manners? Even grumpy old people can surely be polite enough to speak civilly, no???????? That is plain, common, normal human behaviour!!!!!!!!! NO wonder she is venting. BH for next year off.