“So sweet” | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:34 pm

When you do something nice for someone and they respond to you “ you’re so sweet…”does that feel like a put down to you? I’m a pretty confident person and I do what I feel is right but I find that response so jarring and condescending . Anyone else feel that way?

watergirl ↓

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:39 pm

No, not at all. It means they think I'm sweet for doing the thing! It's a way of thanking and/or praising someone. I say this and people say it to me often (BH).

honeymoon

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:41 pm

I don't think so. I say it all the time, I hope no feels I'm being condescending.

I think it also depends on the context and tone of voice.

amother

Nemesia

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:43 pm

There is the sarcasm 'so sweet', but I wouldn't think most times that's what people mean. I usually use it to me that's really kind and thoughtful. When my dd was ill, one of the other carpool moms offered to do my carpool day unasked, I said that was really sweet of her.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:45 pm

It’s subtle but it’s usually in a relationship where I do something nice for someone either older than me or perhaps higher than me in some area (money or socially) and I feel like it’s. Specifically used in that context. Acknowledging that I did something nice that they needed but don’t forget it’s “sweet” of you which makes it less important.
For example if a teacher would do something nice for your child you wouldn’t say to them that it’s sweet they did what they did right?
But maybe you would if a babysitter brought you a baby gift.

↑ watergirl

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:51 pm

amother OP wrote:

For example if a teacher would do something nice for your child you wouldn’t say to them that it’s sweet they did what they did right?

sure I would.

amother

Denim

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:55 pm

I agree with the other posters, it’s meant sweetly 😉
I think some words have certain connotations for some people and they somehow take something neutral the wrong way. My husband hates when someone responds “sure” to him. I guess he expects a more effusive answer. But to most of us, sure means sure. Nothing negative lurking underneath.

Raizle

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 3:55 pm

I've never liked it but I recognize that people have different ways of expressing themselves and different types of expressions

amother

Seashell

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 4:03 pm

Depends on tone and person. Some people say it and make me feel good and others really stupid

amother

Papayawhip

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 4:12 pm

I would use the words "so kind" or " so generous"
I hear that "so sweet" seems to come from a place of seniority and can be heard as patronising. I don't think it always means that and tone is v important.

I avoid it as it is something I hear in a negative way so I use alternate words.

mommyhood

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 4:14 pm

amother OP wrote:

I have said it very genuinely to teachers, friends, my mother…. Definitely don’t mean anything condescending by it.

amother

Taupe

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 4:17 pm

It bothers me. I don't know why exactly. Somehow it feels like I'm being talked down to. Like someone would say to a child or pet, "aren't you adorable!" I recognize that this isn't likely the intention behind it, but it's how it sounds to me.

amother

Aqua

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 4:19 pm

I really think it depends on the tone. Generally I don’t mind when it’s said to me but if someone says it in a sarcastic tone I obviously don’t like it.

amother

Daphne

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 4:21 pm

I always say this. It means I see a sweetness in your kind and generous action and it touched me. I never thought it could be considered condescending.

amother

Obsidian

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 4:27 pm

Yes also feel this way many times but it has to do with the person and the way their saying it

amother

Tangerine

Tue, Nov 26 2024, 4:51 pm

You're pointing to the potential to be condescending which I think is in the southern expression "bless your heart" lol

For me it depends on tone of voice I guess, but I'd usually just not nitpick people's trying to be kind, there are worse things, you know?