If we gift our married son a house do we have to put DIL’s n

amother

Pear

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 7:11 am

amother OP wrote:

If we gift our married son a house do we have to put our daughter in law’s name on it as well?

If you have a rocky relationship with DIL, if they keep their distance in any way, expect it to get worse now.

amother

Yolk

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 7:22 am

amother OP wrote:

I don’t think so because it’s an inheritance from my own parents that I am gifting to my son and putting it under his name only.

You giving it as a gift makes it marital property. It’s your inheritance so you don’t have to share it but that doesn’t apply to whatever you do with it. Definitely check with a lawyer before insulting your dil if it wouldn’t have any of the legal benefits you’re looking for.

amother

Carnation ↓

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 7:25 am

amother cornflower wrote:

My in laws bought us a house in only my husbands name. It costs a lot to change it so we never did. It hurts. As if they’re saying “ok you’re married now but who knows….we don’t like you, maybe eventually he won’t either.” We never had serious shalom basis issues. Makes me mad.

It costed us very little. A few hundred to add names to title.

amother

↑ Carnation

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 7:26 am

amother OP wrote:

If we gift our married son a house do we have to put our daughter in law’s name on it as well?

I just want to point out that once it's your son's, he could do whatever he want and add his wife's name to it at that point.

amother

Whitewash

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 7:35 am

I think there's no problem just putting the son's name on it. What difference does it make? DIL should be ecstatic to have a free house.

With that said, to the mother in law I say: if it will create good will and the outcome will be the same no matter what, then just put her name. If you're truly concerned about divorce and kids are in the picture, you want your grandchildren to have a home in any case, right?

amother

Calendula

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 7:39 am

First off, that's very generous of you! Secondly, putting the house in only your son's name is common when I see parents who gift to their children. There's always a concern about the spouse and what-if so your fears are perfectly valid. I usually recommend being candid about these matters - we love you both but want to ensure the house is used by our son and not the subject of any contention. If we gift, it's on our terms. Our terms include that the house is held in a trust f/b/o our son and grandchildren. Period. We control the trust and our son can't borrow or sell the house. He can use it and so can you, provided you are together, but the house is ours at the end of the day. When we are niftar, the trust may or may not distribute it to him. Probably not. He might have use and occupancy rights till he's 65 (and the risk of divorce is long past). Who knows. But having that conversation is important to establish some basics about the proposed gift / transaction and see how both son and DIL react. Definitely speak to an attorney that deals with gifting / inheritance and how divorce may interplay before doing anything. Good luck!

amother

NeonPink

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 8:39 am

On the other side, I know a couple who was throwing a fit that how dare the house be in just the DW's name, they are a couple, etc.. So the house was put in both names and as soon as he could the DH turned around and divorced her and got the value of half the house.

amother

Aquamarine

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 8:48 am

My mom gifted my sibling a house, but didn’t put sibling in law on the deed. They are divorced now.
Would’ve been ridiculous for in law to acquire half a house after being in a relationship for such a short time.

This was supposed to give the child stability and a place to live. Not their ex.

amother

Latte ↓

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 8:55 am

Speak to a lawyer because it's complicated. And you want to do it right.

I ended up receiving something similar (don't want to be specific) when I got divorced. It was only because of certain clauses and ways it was done. It wasn't my parents intention because they didn't realize we were having SB issues. But I'm awfully grateful that it worked out for me. And similar gifts they gave me became shared property despite them being exclusively in my name.

And if, for example, they make mortgage payments together, then it doesn't matter who's on the deed. You have to create something called separate property for it to be protected.

(You are not cheating your daughter-in-law out of her house. You are giving a gift that you are under no obligation to give, and you prefer that gift remains your son's property alone.)

And this may sound silly, but the other benefit of having a lawyer draft a long, complicated legalese agreement with lots of different random clauses is that she's less likely to get insulted than if you're more obvious about it.

amother

Foxglove

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 8:56 am

amother OP wrote:

I don’t think it will but you never know because I know they had some issues in their marriage

Every marriage has its ups and downs.

Those could be in the past, and they’re stronger because of them.

Going forward, try to help make it full of ups!

This can bring them together and make them even closer, (and closer to you because they’re greatful!)

justforfun87

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 8:56 am

Honestly, I want to pounce on you but in reality I have the same situation. I have small inheritence/investments from my father and I never added my husbands name on the account because despite wanting to be married forever I am a product of divorce. I do use the funds though for bills etc but I haven't paid off my husband's student loans with it.

singleagain

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 8:59 am

When I was married my grandma gifted all of her grandkids some money. And at first I didn't deposit the check bc my ex and I hadn't decided what to do with it. Then my aunt got nervous when the check wasn't clearing. So I just deposited it into my savings and said when we figure it out I'll move the money. We got divorced and that didn't even come up as something to talk about splitting.. Possibly bc it was forgotten, about, but probably also bc it was on my name only.

ETA. I do agree with everyone saying talk to a lawyer and do this with tact

amother

Mintgreen ↓

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 9:03 am

essie14 wrote:

I would put the house in a trust. You oversee the trust.

This OP!
A lot of people on this thread are responding emotionally, but you need to speak to your local attorney and decide on the solution that's will best protect your child and grandchildren if they have any. Possibly a type of trust is a way to go. If you just gift your child a house it would not matter if you put your DIL on it as your son would be able to add her at any time and it would now be possibly considered marital property depending on your location, and in addition, your son might have to pay taxes on this gift , also depending on your location.
Trust might be a much better option!

amother

↑ Mintgreen ↓

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 9:12 am

amother Chicory wrote:

My in laws bought us a house and both our names are on it

I for sure would’ve been deeply hurt if not

We BH have a good marriage though

After years of paying thousands in rent I would be extremely grateful if our inlaws would gift us a apartment, even if it's in DH name only.

coloredleaves

Wed, Nov 20 2024, 9:14 am

Whatever you do you should talk to a lawyer or accountant first. My mil added my husband into the deed of her home thinking she was helping us but we found out later that we would then have a tremendous amount of taxes to pay when it sold (like hundreds of thousands of dollars) bc the tax is based in appreciation since it's original purchase (like 40 years ago). And if you are an owner u pay based on that. We are now going through the process of paying thousands of dollars and time and energy to have his name taken off of it and have it put in a trust in her name that he will then inherit instead bc because inheritance properties are only taxed on appreciation from the date of inheritance. Basiclaly it is much better tax wise to inherit a home than to be added as an owner.
They could live in it for free if they need it now and then officially inherit it after meya vesrim.
This is absolutely worth paying a few hundred dollars for a consultation with a financial planner about bc the difference in taxes can be tremendous. Like hundreds of thousands of dollars if it's in a mainstream in town area.