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-> Fashion and Beauty
-> Sheitels & Tichels
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LovesHashem
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 Sun, Nov 17 2024, 3:52 pm
| amother Wine wrote: | If you don't cover in bed or in the house..
Do your children see you uncovered? Is your bedroom door always locked? Do you have lots of teenager sons?? Do you keep your eindow shades open to get sunlight and fresh air?? |
I don't have an issue for my kids to see my hair.
I don't keep shades open because I need full darkness.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 4:02 pm
| amother Ultramarine wrote: | | Chassidish, I don’t cover in bed. For years I didn’t cover at all in the house, as kids are getting older starting to cover by day more and more since they end up bringing friends over and buses etc. so it just stays on. But definitely not in bed. |
How is that chassidish?
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 4:09 pm
| shabbatiscoming wrote: | Not everyone learns that children can see hair.
Some just uncover at home because theyve learned thats fine.
You may not nean it but your post is quite judgemrntal. |
Please accept my apologies. I did not mean to be judgemental. I should have prefaced referring to people in specific 'sect' who's rabanem generally pasken to cover in their own home. If you hold that way and are following your rav. Ashrecha. I have no prob with people doing what they need even without daas torah it's their business. I'm just curious how plays out.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 4:42 pm
Yeshivishe, for reference.
My mother didn't cover at home when it was just us at home, I wasn't really expecting to either. Dh's Rebbe was uncharacteristically vehement about it being the proper, yiras shamayim-dik thing to do, so for the first 15+ years I tried. Wasn't always perfect, would sometimes air dry my hair open around the house, but pretty much.
I never covered for sleeping and learned that because I'm not makbid it's not an issue during niddah.
After 10/7 I read about a pretty extreme 40 day kabbalah, specific to a gadol in my community. (Stressing again that this is very community specific.) It included covering hair at all times, expect for intimacy and showering, and with other specific details. I've been doing it now for almost 14 months. It's extreme and it's tiring and it's definitely not required by halacha but there is an inyan of being extra in hair covering.
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amother
Amber
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 4:44 pm
I also use a wig grip. It's RLLY not bad, I don't feel it! There's different types of wig grips, to me the most comfortable are velvet at the front and some type of string at the back of head. Don't put it too tight. It's the only way my scarf tichel stays on thru the night, and also in general in the day 
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amother
Dodgerblue
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:38 pm
| amother Oleander wrote: | Yeshivishe, for reference.
My mother didn't cover at home when it was just us at home, I wasn't really expecting to either. Dh's Rebbe was uncharacteristically vehement about it being the proper, yiras shamayim-dik thing to do, so for the first 15+ years I tried. Wasn't always perfect, would sometimes air dry my hair open around the house, but pretty much.
I never covered for sleeping and learned that because I'm not makbid it's not an issue during niddah.
After 10/7 I read about a pretty extreme 40 day kabbalah, specific to a gadol in my community. (Stressing again that this is very community specific.) It included covering hair at all times, expect for intimacy and showering, and with other specific details. I've been doing it now for almost 14 months. It's extreme and it's tiring and it's definitely not required by halacha but there is an inyan of being extra in hair covering. |
I'm interested in this kabbalah. Can you start a spinoff with more information? Why is it praiseworthy to cover at all times? Do you feel it's made a difference in your own ruchniyus?
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:39 pm
| amother Oleander wrote: | Yeshivishe, for reference.
My mother didn't cover at home when it was just us at home, I wasn't really expecting to either. Dh's Rebbe was uncharacteristically vehement about it being the proper, yiras shamayim-dik thing to do, so for the first 15+ years I tried. Wasn't always perfect, would sometimes air dry my hair open around the house, but pretty much.
I never covered for sleeping and learned that because I'm not makbid it's not an issue during niddah.
After 10/7 I read about a pretty extreme 40 day kabbalah, specific to a gadol in my community. (Stressing again that this is very community specific.) It included covering hair at all times, expect for intimacy and showering, and with other specific details. I've been doing it now for almost 14 months. It's extreme and it's tiring and it's definitely not required by halacha but there is an inyan of being extra in hair covering. |
I learned to cover at all times especially during intimacy.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:45 pm
| amother Bergamot wrote: | | I learned to cover at all times especially during intimacy. |
Why did God make you beautiful if no one ever gets to see? Why did God give you beautiful hair if neither you nor your husband gets to enjoy it? I’m trying to ask respectfully, but I feel so, so sad. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just misunderstanding your hashkafa. But to me this seems sad and unnecessary.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 5:46 pm
| amother Amaryllis wrote: | | Why did God make you beautiful if no one ever gets to see? Why did God give you beautiful hair if neither you nor your husband gets to enjoy it? I’m trying to ask respectfully, but I feel so, so sad. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just misunderstanding your hashkafa. But to me this seems sad and unnecessary. |
I cover while DTD. DH sees my hair b4 and after.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:06 pm
Same. Chabad Hashkafa. During deed woman covers hair & man wears yamulka. If either fall off we leave it.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:07 pm
| amother Purple wrote: | | Same. Chabad Hashkafa. During deed woman covers hair & man wears yamulka. If either fall off we leave it. |
Yes. I’m Chabad.
No tzitzis tho.
(KT mentioned DH may wear tzitzis and throw it behind his back)
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:09 pm
| amother Purple wrote: | | Same. Chabad Hashkafa. During deed woman covers hair & man wears yamulka. If either fall off we leave it. |
So you need to grab stuff and put it on? Doesn’t it kill the mood. Always wondered the source for this.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:10 pm
| amother Dill wrote: | | So you need to grab stuff and put it on? Doesn’t it kill the mood. Always wondered the source for this. |
No it’s pretty quick. It’s near my pillow since I’ll need it for sleep afterwards.
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amother
Melon
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 6:16 pm
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In town yeshivish. Always covered. Sleep in chanille and tighten it as necessary
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Ema of 5
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 7:21 pm
| amother Wine wrote: | If you don't cover in bed or in the house..
Do your children see you uncovered? Is your bedroom door always locked? Do you have lots of teenager sons?? Do you keep your eindow shades open to get sunlight and fresh air?? |
My children see me in pajamas and/or with my head uncovered. My pajamas are a t-shirt and shorts or leggings, so nothing I wouldn’t want them to see me in. My bedroom door is only locked at night. I have one teenage boy and one tween boy. Window shades are open, but it’s only an issue if I stand in front of the door or windows, which I don’t.
None of th things you asked are issues for me.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 7:28 pm
| amother Amaryllis wrote: | | Why did God make you beautiful if no one ever gets to see? Why did God give you beautiful hair if neither you nor your husband gets to enjoy it? I’m trying to ask respectfully, but I feel so, so sad. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’m just misunderstanding your hashkafa. But to me this seems sad and unnecessary. |
If I could offer my perspective...my mother has a very similar view and tells me that she can understand covering hair to save it for your spouse but she can't get her head around the idea of not having it "enjoyed" by the husband.
I tell her that in real life nothing is two dimensional. Yes, one beautiful and legitimate way of looking at hair covering is that it's "saved" for intimacy and for the spouse. But that's not the be all, end all. There are multiple levels, multiple facets. That's why there aren't really reasons given in the Torah. Because the "reasons" aren't supposed to be the reason we do something and the "reasons" aren't set in stone and limited.
In terms of hair covering, yes there's one level* at which you could say that the hair is there to be beautiful and enjoy with your spouse. There's another level at which kabbalistically hair is considered a klippa, something dead clinging to something living and a carrier of tumah. There's another level at which while we don't go to extremes in tznius (like burkas or hijabs or covering faces) we do have a concept of being extreme in hair covering, such that it's praiseworthy if the walls of the house don't see a women's hair. The zohar specifically talks about the brachos that come from a woman who is meticulous in her hair covering. It's multifaceted.
*Level is the wrong word because I don't mean to imply levels that are going higher and higher. It's just different planes.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 7:32 pm
| amother Dill wrote: | | So you need to grab stuff and put it on? Doesn’t it kill the mood. Always wondered the source for this. |
Chasidush not chabad. If I take off headcover DTD stays off if yamulka falls off hubby reaches for it (I'll help him if needed)
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 7:36 pm
| amother Bergamot wrote: | | I learned to cover at all times especially during intimacy. |
My kallah teacher was chassidish-ish and she also told me she covers during intimacy and that it doesn't bother her because her hair is very short and not particularly attractive (her words, NOT mine!! Probably said somewhat tongue in cheek!).
But that is not mainstream, not chassidish, halacha, I don't think.
Before I did the kabbalah mentioned in my last post, my hair was always uncovered in my bedroom and really all over my house once I was in pjs.
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 7:44 pm
| amother Wine wrote: | | Chasidush not chabad. If I take off headcover DTD stays off if yamulka falls off hubby reaches for it (I'll help him if needed) |
Can you explain this on the Chassidish thread? Meaning why you spell chassidush?
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amother
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Sun, Nov 17 2024, 7:44 pm
| amother Oleander wrote: | If I could offer my perspective...my mother has a very similar view and tells me that she can understand covering hair to save it for your spouse but she can't get her head around the idea of not having it "enjoyed" by the husband.
I tell her that in real life nothing is two dimensional. Yes, one beautiful and legitimate way of looking at hair covering is that it's "saved" for intimacy and for the spouse. But that's not the be all, end all. There are multiple levels, multiple facets. That's why there aren't really reasons given in the Torah. Because the "reasons" aren't supposed to be the reason we do something and the "reasons" aren't set in stone and limited.
In terms of hair covering, yes there's one level* at which you could say that the hair is there to be beautiful and enjoy with your spouse. There's another level at which kabbalistically hair is considered a klippa, something dead clinging to something living and a carrier of tumah. There's another level at which while we don't go to extremes in tznius (like burkas or hijabs or covering faces) we do have a concept of being extreme in hair covering, such that it's praiseworthy if the walls of the house don't see a women's hair. The zohar specifically talks about the brachos that come from a woman who is meticulous in her hair covering. It's multifaceted.
*Level is the wrong word because I don't mean to imply levels that are going higher and higher. It's just different planes. |
Thank you, thank you, thank you, for your thought out and well-written response. While I disagree with some of your points whole-heartedly, I appreciate the time you took to respond. And I agree with you on taamei hamitzvos, that we do things because Hashem said so. Shaving or covering the hair inside very much does not resonate with me, but it’s nice to hear an explanation that does not make me sad.
I know that we hijacked OP’s thread a bit with this convo, but this is the beauty of imamother to me.
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