Insensitive infertility situation

amother

OP ↓

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 8:18 am

I did not know where to post this.
Had a recent shiur with a group of women with Rebbetizin. I walked in with a woman ( I will call her R )who I know since I was a tween. Before the shiur, R related to the Rebbitizin and a few woman that the woman she davened for for a few years whom she did not know, had a baby. rebbetizin had given her the name to daven for her.R said that they were married for over 20 years ( and states exact year). Sadly, I do not have children ( and not due to what people think why I do not have children) and have been married for more than that amount and cannot have children at my age. Rebbetizin and R know I do not have children.Rebbetizin then says- my oldest child is X years old (many children knh after that)and now this woman has her first baby at X years of marriage.R then says something to me about another shiur we attend. clearly knows I am sitting there and also am across from her. ok, so now not in great mood for shiur. but, thought topic was over until end of shiur when R brings it up again. but now in front of 20 people. true, we were learning about davening.But then R mentioned that she went back to kotel to thank Hashem for this baby. But, it got even more difficult.She proceeded to play audio of the baby cooing that this mother sent. (that was unnecessary).she looked around at the women present but avoided eye contact with me. there were few other people sitting there who know I do not have children.Then they felt uncomfortable. I was trying not to react, but I was so upset. One of the people that I am friendly with started asking me about voting because it seemed to me that she wanted to change the topic. It seemed to me that R thinks that because of her this couple had a baby and R could not help herself and tell this story without regard to my feelings. It seemed that she would rather tell this story than take my feelings into account. Now R feels great about herself and I am crying. I am not just upset for one day.

A few years ago during a shiur rebbetizin mentioned that after 10 years of no children ,husband has to divorce wife. I was so upset. there were people there who knew me felt uncomfortable too. Rebbetizin did call me to apologize without me mentioning it. she also called me to discuss whether she should mention Chana in her series.Rebbetizin is not as polished as most Rebbetizins are.I do not know what to do. suggestions?

amother

Viola

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 8:32 am

First of all, I'm so sorry for what you have been through.

Maybe she wrongly assumed you would have space to appreciate a story that involved someone who also went through a very challenging nisayon similar to yours? In the infertility groups I've been to, success stories after infertility are definitely seen as very different to regular pregnancy and birth announcements.

I'm sorry it hurts Crying

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 8:45 am

thank you.She know my approximate age and having children is not possible. Also with a very sensitive topic, people need to think very carefully first especially in front of a large group of people.

amother

Bottlebrush

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 8:51 am

Ouch, is R usually tactless
And the Rebbetzin is incorrect
Why would she mention such a thing
So many social situations turn so awkward for us ☹

amother

Jean

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 8:53 am

I get very resentful when people equate results with prayers. I’m with you . Maybe start attending a different shiur

amother

Bluebell

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 9:25 am

I think people either get it or they don't.

R and rebbitzen both don't.

Id find a different shiur rather than deal with such people on a constant basis.

amother

Butterscotch

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 9:34 am

amother Viola wrote:

Being discussed IN AN INFERTILITY GROUP is automatically different and done differently

amother

Heather

Thu, Oct 31 2024, 4:34 pm

Hugs OP.
That sounds very painful.