S/o My MIL was an Adopted Yemenite baby

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 3:16 pm

amother Offwhite wrote:

Wait. So just to clarify..
You mother in law searched for her birth mother, and when she found her, the birth mother told her that she was told that her baby had died?

Yes. I wasn't yet married when it was all uncovered but it doesn't seem like she had to search so much to find the documents that lead her to her mother. They didn't DNA test but they looked identical

amother

Molasses ↓

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 3:48 pm

amother OP wrote:

Did her birth mother think all these years that her baby really had died? Or she knew that the baby had been taken. What was the birth mothers reaction when your mil contacted her for the first time?

amother

Quince ↓

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 3:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm not going to put AMA because I won't answer all questions due to her and my privacy. I will not be posting her full name. Here's some of the basics facts and I'm fine to answer anything not too intrusive

She was born in the early 60s.

Her mother was an unmarried teenager.

Her adoptive parents did not know anything sketchy was going on, they were just told there was a nebbach situation.

She had a wonderful childhood but knew she was adopted and only looked into it after both adoptive parents were niftar (they were much older)

Throw the tomatoes at me but without having been there at the time or knowing the details I'm not sure why anyone assumes nefarious intentions over here. I can think of someone who is very respected on imamother who also arranged an adoption for the child of his unmarried teenage daughter. Where were her (the unmarried mother's) parents in this story? How was this unmarried teen expecting to be able raise the child without messing up both of their lives?

It's extremely unlikely that the adoptive parents who were told that it is a nebbach situation were looking to buy a child of unwilling parents. It was in fact a nebbach situation

amother

↑ Molasses

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 3:53 pm

amother Quince wrote:

Except that they did the exact same thing to married Yemenite women who very much wanted to keep their babies.

And they could have asked the teenager if she wanted the baby to be adopted instead of lying and saying the baby died.

amother

Indigo

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 4:04 pm

My aunt's father had a little baby sister who was taken away and never found. They told the parents that she had passed away but the parents knew it's a lie and never stopped looking for her. I only knew my aunt's father when she married into our family. He was the nicest person. Never gave up looking for his little sister and sadly passed away without ever finding her.
Are there really people denying this?!?!?!?

amother

↑ Quince ↓

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 4:09 pm

amother Molasses wrote:

We are talking about an unmarried teenager who either voluntarily became pregnant or must have been very traumatized from rape. Could they trust her judgment? Do you think such a person is well positioned to care for a child? What if she wasn't willing to give up the child but had no current or future ability to take care of it either. What should they have done then?

amother

Dandelion

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 4:33 pm

amother Quince wrote:

We are talking about a teenager who either voluntarily became pregnant or must have been very traumatized from rape. Could they trust her judgment? Do you think such a person is well positioned to care for a child? What if she wasn't willing to give up the child but had no current or future ability to take care of it either. What should they have done then?

AIUI many teenage girls from the Yemenite community were married with children very young.

amother

Candycane ↓

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 5:14 pm

amother Quince wrote:

And therefore?? Do you really not see the difference between ARRANGING adoption and stealing the baby while lying to the family that it died?!

amother

↑ Quince ↓

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 5:29 pm

amother Candycane wrote:

And therefore?? Do you really not see the difference between ARRANGING adoption and stealing the baby while lying to the family that it died?!

I'm unconvinced it wasn't the family itself (her parents) who told the mother the story about the baby dying. If decades later she didn't have to search so much to find the documents that led her to her mother (as per the OP) then this was not some black market stolen baby situation.

amother

↑ Candycane

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 5:30 pm

amother Quince wrote:

I'm unconvinced it wasn't the family itself (her parents) who told the mother the story about the baby dying. If she didn't have to search so much to find the documents that led her to her mother (as per the OP) then this was not some black market stolen baby situation.

I wouldn't be so sure without info

amother

Nasturtium

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 5:36 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

Yes. There really are people denying this. It’s very sad. Sometimes we really are our own worst enemies.

amother

DarkKhaki

Mon, Oct 21 2024, 9:11 pm

amother Quince wrote:

REALLY?!
We can't trust the judgement of the mother of the baby who carried her for 9 months and birthed her? Who was possibly waiting for the day to meet her baby and do her best to raise her properly despite the difficult circumstances?
So we should just take the baby away and lie about it? Rather then give her the support she needs to raise her?

I can't believe I'm reading this here.

FYI there are many teen moms who do a wonderful job raising their beautiful children despite all odds. They need our support. Not judgement.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:10 am

amother Quince wrote:

Just want to clarify, do you feel like parents have inherant rights to their own children or it's on the hospital to decide on the spot if a mother is worthy of bringing home her own child?

Either way, it's one thing to convince someone that adoption might be the best route or even get social services involved to re-home if and when there's evidence the necessitates that and telling the mother the baby died just to have them adopted into a different family

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:15 am

amother Quince wrote:

I don't have any evidence to prove that you're wrong. Her parents had long passed away when my mil reconnected. However, it's hard to believe that hundreds of people have similar stories to my mil's mother and all of them are false when this is their story as well.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Oct 22 2024, 1:17 am

bestme wrote:

Why doesn't she do DNA test?

She was raised by Holocaust survivors with a lot of skepticism of the government. She'd never go out of her way to have DNA on record anywhere. Also what's the point if she has the documents and can see the resemblance?