I'm drained | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 3:25 pm

are my kids more demanding than others or am I not capable?

coming off a 3 day yom tov where all I did was serve and warm food and clean and dress kids, and daven.

my kids are complaining that I don't give them enough time. dd comes to me and says "all you do is work, clean and sleep". she's kind of right. I'm in early pregnancy so I'm constantly tired. I'm working so hard all the time. my kids don't play together, they only want me to play with them, and if I say no, they need me to watch them play. I need to watch them kick a ball, jump on a pogo stick, play chess. looking once or twice isnt enough. I need to look the whole time.
I'm drained from how demanding they are. they always begggg for a day off. today is that day off, all they complain about is being bored and I need to give them what to do.

am I doing something wrong? I dont feel capable of giving more right now and yet I feel guilty.

amother

Crocus

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 3:34 pm

Your being really hard on yourself. If you feel anything like me when I am pregnant it's a huge accomplishment to just take care of yourself let alone 3 kids. I don't have any advice just want to say you are normal

AlwaysGrateful ↓

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 3:37 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

I agree with this 100%. You sound a LOT better than I ever did in early pregnancy.

And I think it's okay to set boundaries with your kids and not feel guilty. I'll say something like "Wow, that was great! I can watch you do it one more time, then I need to..."

Or even "I'm sorry, I can't watch right now. I'll let you know when I'm finished with this and available to watch."

You're teaching them to be patient, to be less demanding to people, to be more independent. All of these are good things. So no need to feel guilty about them. (And you're teaching yourself to set boundaries, which is a good thing too!)

↑ AlwaysGrateful

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 3:38 pm

amother OP wrote:

my kids are being hard on me... Wink

How old are they? Especially the dd who said this? My advice would be different depending on if it's a four year old or a twelve year old...

amother

Lotus

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 3:46 pm

Honestly Im impressed you davened! I didn't have a second to breathe.
If kids are old enough I would tell them "I would have more time if you would help with xyz" or "help with xy and we can do z together".

imaima

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 3:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

That’s really demanding.
Try to take them individual dates.
Collective activities won’t fill them up. They need individual attention. Then they may be more content with independent play

amother

Mint

Sun, Oct 06 2024, 3:52 pm

I so much understand this!
Just spent 2 days of Rosh Hashana and the Shabbat right after watching our kids for hours on end in a holiday rental flat and walking round and round a large park while dh was in shul. Dh had an official task in shul and they have extra long services there.
The idea was preventing our wild, adhd ridden, not really fit for shul kids from damaging the flat and/or damaging or endangering themselves in an unfamiliar city. B"H everything went well. But hey, it's draining watching them like a hawk from wake up to bed time on end. I felt like a living cctv camera. At home, they can entertain themselves safely enough and they are old enough. But elsewhere... I think I know every millimeter of that park by now, and every pedestrian crossing on the way there. And I've saved the flat windows, hooray.
B"H we have children, but I need to vent sometimes.