Upset at my high school teen daughter

amother

Dodgerblue

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 12:37 am

Write her a note back. She's handling this better than many adults do. How many fully grown women throw out obnoxious comments like that when they're frustrated and can't bring themselves to apologize?
You raised your daughter well. She's mature, she takes ownership, she found a way to do something that is so deeply uncomfortable.
Write her a note back that you appreciate her apology, you understand she must have been frustrated and you hope that you'll be able to coordinate picking up the dress before YT. And give her a hug, you both deserve it.

amother

Hunter

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 1:17 am

I agree with previous poster who said to write a note back. That’s what I would do. She sounds like a great kid who is usually respectful but just had a moment, and she realizes her mistake and did the right thing by apologizing. I definitely wouldn’t punish her. I would write a note back saying thank you for the apology note, that it was very appreciated and that you love her and are proud of her for writing it etc…

Chayalle

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 8:44 am

Dina Friedman says that after a child has been disciplined (like your teen was, when your DH told her she must apologize) it's very important to help them move on and show you still love her, accept her, etc....
So it's important today to speak to her normally, show her that you can move on from this.

I also do think it sounds like she can take more responsibility for her room. There's no reason for you to straighten up after a teen. She should be doing that.

amother

Outerspace

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 9:19 am

amother OP wrote:

It was first time. Shes not usually chutzpedik but this was beyond anything I would’ve expected from her. She’s usually very mature and normal.

She may have had a rough day in school & had an outburst at home. Just let it go without making a big deal out of it. Especially if it's out if character for. We need to put our ego aside when dealing with our teens & tread carefully & try not to create a power struggle over things.

amother

Jasmine

Fri, Sep 27 2024, 3:53 pm

Always be on the lookout for PMS! Some girls can have it very severely and will need help to learn to manage their diet (healthy, no sugar etc) and sleep to keep themselves on an even keel.

Something to consider any time you see a change in a teenage girl! And it doesn't necessarily happen the first year either (speaking from experience...)

amother

Violet ↓

Yesterday at 9:23 pm

amother Gladiolus wrote:

Yes
Definitely
I would save some cleaning for her. On top of not going shopping

Do you have teens? Cuz that's really NOT the way to handle teens. At least not if you want to have a good relationship with them.

amother

↑ Violet

Yesterday at 9:25 pm

amother Outerspace wrote:

yes. This is SO key with raising teens.

amother

Cornsilk

Yesterday at 9:27 pm

I want to add that my high school girls do their own laundry. (Not as a punishment but to learn responsibility)
If she apologizes, accept it and move on

amother

NeonPurple

Yesterday at 10:53 pm

I think you should have tried to talk to her yourself instead of sending your dh to make her apologize.

giftedmom

Yesterday at 11:19 pm

Personally, I would never have answered that first question/accusation. I don’t feed attitude or excuse myself to my kids. But I also wouldn’t bear a grudge or make a big deal. When they’re ready to talk nicely we can have a conversation.
That said, she sounds like a mature young lady in the way she apologized and owned up. You should be proud of her.
God knows many of us don’t speak perfectly when we’re stressed and hormonal.

amother

Bone

Today at 3:31 am

My take on this is why do kids feel entitled. They don't have to do anything cause the cleaning lady is there. What does that mean? What are we teaching our children. Even my kids, when I asked them for help, they told me the cleaning lady is coming. I got really disgusted hearing those words. I calmly explained to my child that if we have this entitlement I will not have a cleaning lady and they will do more. What are we teaching this generation that when they're spouse asks for help to say no?
Since my kids started saying this I started asking them for more help. We want our kids to be Menchen not entitled

amother

Aquamarine

Today at 3:56 am

1) You don't have to explain yourself. I can't go today, it doesn't work out, I'm sorry, finished.

2) Accept her apology and don't punish her! for goodness sakes ,are you posters who advocating for consequences for a one time out of line comment - are you for real?

3) Don't go if you can't , let her know when you can, remind her that you might need to be flexible if things come up

4) If you feel that there is a general attitude of entitlement or resentment - NOT a one time thing - you can reevaluate if she needs more responsibilites to balance her out.