Grocery s/o | Imamother

amother

Dustypink ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 5:24 am

amother OP wrote:

Ok some of these replies… age doesn’t matter? Oook don’t know what this world is coming to.. in school we were always taught age matters and you’re saying it doesn’t? So I guess it’s a free for all, wonder what u wld do if you were stuck in the grocery with a young girl and see your reaction

Oh I agree with you. Even if I'm 50, I would move aside for a 60 year old. It's just basic respect for those older than you. Respect is what is lacking nowadays with the younger generation. I wonder if those replying that you don't need the basic human respect are of the younger generation.

Imo, a 19 year old should definitely have some level of respect for someone in their 30s. It's not the same as respect for elders, but there is still some level that should be the standard.

amother

Khaki ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 5:26 am

OP, you also don't know if you were the fourth person who she would have had to move for in the past ten minutes, possibly all because she was younger, and it's already added a lot of time to her shopping while she waited for multiple people to pass with their carts each time. And she told her mother she didn't have time because she has a test tomorrow but her mother sent her to the store anyway. And she said to herself,"This time, the other person moves- I'll never get out of here if it's always me. I need to assert myself. Wait, why isn't she moving aside when she sees I'm not?" Maybe her middos weren't so in order in her state. Not perfect, but as you said, neither were you.

amother

Bottlebrush

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 5:34 am

amother Navyblue wrote:

honestly, I wouldn't be in that situation with anyone, regardless of age.
if I see someone coming in that way I would yield earlier, try to make eye contact, and/or say something politely before that point. I don't think age matters here unless you're so old it would be reasonable for a stranger to assume you have difficulty getting around.

Exactly
That girl has middos issues. People need to be respectful regardless of age etc
I’m guessing she was going through something in life, maybe with parents etc that makes her project her unhappiness and discontent onto others older than her. Middos issue

amother

↑ Khaki ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 5:35 am

SwissAlps wrote:

I think the girl was in the wrong. I assume you asked her nicely to move and the right thing to do would be to graciously move no matter how old the person asking is. Her saying 'no, you move' is pretty rude in my opinion.

I agree that the way she spoke was wrong. It was so wrong that it leads me to think of extenuating circumstances.

↑ SwissAlps

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 5:36 am

amother Khaki wrote:

Assertive would have meant making sure to ask first. Not rudely replying the way that she did.

amother

↑ Brunette ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 5:37 am

amother Khaki wrote:

I'm the amother above, and almost 50, with a bad back.

Then I stand corrected. But you were being dan lkaf zechus the girl (which I agree with). But do you feel that as a general rule older teens and early 20's shouldn't give the right of way to women in their 30s and 40?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 5:37 am

amother Khaki wrote:

It was crazy packed everyone kept getting stuck it wasn’t just that girl. Old ladies in their late 70s were getting stuck. Some ppl were just so rude not lifting a finger to help - I moved some wagons that were abandoned so ppl cld get thru regardless of age. I had gotten stuck multiple times. We all need major patience to shop there…

amother

↑ Pewter

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 5:49 am

amother OP wrote:

So this is my view
For myself I respect people older than me.
For me I try to go above and beyond to be nice to someone else.
But what we learned about being kind, respect…
Apply to me

I don’t expect anything from others .
I’m sure in school you were thought to respect your elders- not then when you are older you get to demand respect.
So if you were asking a parenting question and the 18 year old was your child the responses would be very different

But you were demanding respect which hit a lot of people as off

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 5:58 am

amother Pewter wrote:

I agree with the first part you wrote. But saying that I’m off for demanding respect is wrong. I wasn’t demanding respect here I was expecting basic mentchlecht. Just be a mentch!

amother

↑ DarkCyan ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 6:08 am

amother OP wrote:

Right in my op I said married. But really I meant anyone older. Of course I wld move over for older singles. Marriage status doesn’t matter. In this case there was no leeway to move away earlier. If you’re in this specific grocery you wld understand… it was a gridlock all the way behind me cldnt back up the girl saw me coming she wldnt move she kept coming to touch my wagon with hers.. then she just stood there so I asked if she cld move to the side (my mistake I forgot to say please) she said very bluntly you move. There was ppl all the way behind me trying to get through..
I moved over but I was surprised why she was so rude

Maybe the girl has autism or other special needs, you can't know.

amother

↑ Khaki

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 6:09 am

amother Brunette wrote:

In general, yes. But there are limits. First, there is a boundary where they should not be expected to always do so multiple times in a row such that it penalizes them quite a bit. If they give right of way like this in the store OP is describing every time, it will more than double their shopping time vs the other women. And they may be shopping for a mother who keeps texting them, "Where are you with the milk?" or have a babysitter who needs to leave.

Also, not all teens and early twenties are equal. Some already have physical issues or disabilities that may be invisible. Some have significant sensory issues or autism, etc, and may be doing their best and sometimes snap. And those shopping with small kids obviously have pther factors, though IME that does tend to be respected and understood most of the time.

I believe in teaching this generation to be respectful and move when possible and to politely assert themselves when needed, without having to reveal personal mitigating factors that are private, apologizing for anything rude or seemingly rude that happens. And I believe in the other generations being dan lekaf zechus.

amother

↑ DarkCyan ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 6:14 am

amother Brunette wrote:

No, it's not a general rule.
Depending on the situation. In this situation, I fail to see why a young women must let an older woman pass first just because the other women is older. It just doesn’t make sense to me.

amother

↑ Brunette

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 6:18 am

amother Khaki wrote:

You've said all good things. I was just baffled that some on this thread though it was utterly ridiculous that someone younger should yield to someone older. Like they'd never heard of the concept at all. Of course it's not for the middle aged crew to judge, or expect anything.

Unless you're really a senior citizen, then I think it's fair to expect basic consideration from others in public.

Trademark ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 6:21 am

I don't know why you are so hung up about the age. Age doesn't matter when it comes to respect, everyone deserves respect and you shouldn't be rude to anyone of any age.

For an older or elderly person you give more respect than usual, like giving them your seat.

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 6:24 am

amother OP wrote:

Who knows what was going on in her life and day, you might have caught her in a sensitive(angry) moment. Or she is just rude and disrespectful.
Whatever.
Please move on. dont let her get into your head. Its only a grocery run...