Grocery s/o | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:42 am

I was at the grocery I assume the same big one as the Op of the other thread. I was pushing my wagon a girl was pushing in opposite direction there was no space I asked her if she cld move over so I cld get through then she wld be able to get through. She told me no YOU move. I was pretty much speechless and gave her a look while I moved. Is this the norm? Was it wrong of me to ask her to move? If I was 18-19 I wld move over for an older married…

Otoh I saw a lady screaming at a high school girl I assumed must have bumped into her or something like that etc. poor girl was so embarrassed didn’t say a word. Afterwards I saw her pushing the wagon with her special needs brother who was helping her push…

amother

Carnation

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:44 am

It’s wrong of you to assume an 18 yo needs to move for you because you’re married

So you’re both “wrong”

amother

Navy ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:46 am

So many assumptions and judgements. When did shopping become a time to look down at everyone? The only person you can change is you. You can work on not having expectations, helping others who are struggling, and seeing everyone with a positive eye. No one owes you anything because you are married.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:49 am

Ok what wld u do if u were literally at headlock with another person both wagons almost touching ? I’m usually gracious but why wld I be wrong here to assume someone more than 15 years younger than me wld have some decency? As that’s what I do for other people.. Curious to hear what others think

amother

Clematis

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:49 am

Did you ask the girl nicely? If someone is blocking the aisle at a store I say "excuse me, please" and they move over.

I don't think someone should have to move for you based on their marital status but everyone should try to be respectful and move if their blocking someone else.

amother

↑ Navy ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:53 am

amother OP wrote:

I’d pull back and give them room to move. I wouldn’t think they owe me something. I’m 40 and age never matters. Be gracious and helpful to everyone, don’t make cheshbonos of who owes you what you’ll get no where good in life.

patzer ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:53 am

amother OP wrote:

Absolutely. I would move aside for someone more than 15 years older than me. I think what surprised most people is that you specified that you were married. I would move aside for someone 15 years older than me even if she wasn't married.

amother

Navyblue

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:56 am

honestly, I wouldn't be in that situation with anyone, regardless of age.
if I see someone coming in that way I would yield earlier, try to make eye contact, and/or say something politely before that point. I don't think age matters here unless you're so old it would be reasonable for a stranger to assume you have difficulty getting around.

↑ patzer

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:57 am

amother OP wrote:

Otoh I saw a lady screaming at a high school girl I assumed must have bumped into her or something like that etc. poor girl was so embarrassed didn’t say a word. Afterwards I saw her pushing the wagon with her special needs brother who was helping her push…

The lady may have been badly hurt and in pain. Shopping wagons can really hurt when they bang someone.
If you have a brother who's too young to control the wagon properly, you really shouldn't let him "help" you push.

Success10

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 7:58 am

I do think ideally we should be gracious to those older than us. I try to do that on my end, and I usually am the recipient of such behavior from teens. Usually, but not always. They are sometimes still very self-absorbed at that age. So I try not to expect anything.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:04 am

Right in my op I said married. But really I meant anyone older. Of course I wld move over for older singles. Marriage status doesn’t matter. In this case there was no leeway to move away earlier. If you’re in this specific grocery you wld understand… it was a gridlock all the way behind me cldnt back up the girl saw me coming she wldnt move she kept coming to touch my wagon with hers.. then she just stood there so I asked if she cld move to the side (my mistake I forgot to say please) she said very bluntly you move. There was ppl all the way behind me trying to get through..
I moved over but I was surprised why she was so rude

Amelia Bedelia ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:06 am

amother Carnation wrote:

It’s wrong of you to assume an 18 yo needs to move for you because you’re married

So you’re both “wrong”

The girl should move for her because she's clearly a more mature adult. Nothing to do with married.

amother

↑ Navy ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:08 am

Age doesn’t matter you really need to drop it. Maybe you can stand on ceremony once you reached current old age which is over 70 until then no one sits there cheshboning that if you are younger you owe the whole world. At 19,25,35,45… age is really not significant. She probably felt you asked very rudely and responded in kind. Next time you move over and wait for them to pass, or ask nicely with a smile and a please. People pick up on negative attitudes and she was probably picking up on your judgment and felt you were really rude. Be the change you want in the world.

amother

↑ Navy ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:09 am

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

The girl should move for her because she's clearly a more mature adult. Nothing to do with married.

That’s not a thing. You don’t own aisles or time because you are older.

amother

Pewter ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:12 am

amother OP wrote:

How do you know that she was 15 years younger
I got married at 30 and look super young
People assumed I was 19 all the time.
If you were 60+ I could maybe hear your point.

But to expect people to respect you because of age is very off.
I would have been very put off if another shopper told me to move if they were capable of moving ( and I am a person that 99% of the time will be the person to move)
To assume it and wait for an offer I hear, but when you are capable of moving and to ask them to move is very strange

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:12 am

Ok some of these replies… age doesn’t matter? Oook don’t know what this world is coming to.. in school we were always taught age matters and you’re saying it doesn’t? So I guess it’s a free for all, wonder what u wld do if you were stuck in the grocery with a young girl and see your reaction

amother

↑ Navy ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:15 am

amother OP wrote:

Not everything you are taught in school is correct. I am older than you and I think you sitting there making cheshbonos about ages and being entitled because of it is really bad middos. As Jews we are supposed to focus on our own middos and actions. You don’t get to not be gracious and helpful because someone is younger than you. I thought we eradicated this horrible middah years ago when we all saw how badly it failed.

amother

NeonBlue

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:17 am

I always move over for those older than me.
But I'm sorry to say those people that are older that watch me struggling with a heavy shopping cart/stroller/babies and toddlers and kids and are standing holding their pocketbook and watching me use all my muscles to move out of the way for them are selfish.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Sep 25 2024, 8:21 am

The thing is though I’m normally gracious I’m always moving over for people in the grocery, I’m not an entitled person you really don’t know me. younger teens usually move over for me if I can’t get through. This one episode set me off it was just weird.