Toddler hits me (mom)

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 7:49 pm

My 2 year old toddler has started hitting me (only me, not dad). He seems to think it's a big joke and very funny thing to do.

I've tried walking away and staying calm, telling him we don't hit in this family, and that mommy doesn't like it when you hit her because it hurts mommy. I've also tried time outs but that doesn't really work because he just finds something fun to do in his room and misses the point why he's there.

Any ideas?

amother

Bisque ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 8:27 pm

Same here! Except he does it when he gets mad or doesn't get what he wants. Obviously I tell him gently he can't do that and I make him say sorry and tried timeout but he still does it like once a day...

amother

Feverfew

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 8:31 pm

Put his hand in hand jail. If it’s a serious hit - like a hard whack to my face (especially with a hard object) and my glasses fell off and I really got hurt then they got a smack. Throw the tomatoes but it’s effective.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 9:14 am

amother Feverfew wrote:

What is hand jail?

sorry to everyone else dealing with this too. hopefully they grow out of it soon.

amother

Holly

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 9:23 am

amother Feverfew wrote:

You're teaching him not to smack, by smacking? So when he wants to stop someone from bothering him, he should... smack?

oneofakind

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 9:29 am

Hold his hands down, make a serious face and say "we don't hit Mommy". Ignore laughing, squirming etc. and redirect to another activity.
Repeat and repeat consistently.
No emotion from you, no speeches. He'll learn.

amother

Gold

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 9:29 am

I held my kids' hands firmly and looked them straight in the eyes, and said, "No hitting. No hitting. Now let's use our words/lets punch a pillow/whatever"
Again and again and again, and eventually, they learn. It's not about hitting you. It's about letting out their frustration.
I tried the walking away method with my kid. But all it did was escalate because she was still frustrated and so she was throwing more hands. And then more things. And I was so flabbergasted because she was waaay to old to do that. And it REALLY hurt. But as an older kid it's much harder to do!

Never ever laugh or give any indication it'd funny.
The only time I don't say something when the toddler throws hands is if an older sibling is teasing/bothering her too much and hus/her words didn't work. It's her only way to feel on equal grounds and I don't take that away. Ipretend not to see. And when the older kid comes crying I remind them s/he is a baby and we need to be careful. They get the message sooner rather than later.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 9:33 am

oneofakind wrote:

This is exactly what I do, and it doesn't work. After I redirect him to something he comes back at me for more.

I'm so tired of being a punching bag.

amother

Floralwhite

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 9:57 am

amother OP wrote:

This is exactly what I do, and it doesn't work. After I redirect him to something he comes back at me for more.

I'm so tired of being a punching bag.

Does he fully comprehend? Is there any sort of speech delay?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 10:05 am

amother Floralwhite wrote:

Does he fully comprehend? Is there any sort of speech delay?

Possibly not. He didn't qualify for Early Intervention but tends to run a few months behind on milestones.

amother

Amaryllis

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 12:11 pm

Does it happen when he wants something that he can't get? When you are not paying attention to him and busy with something/someone else? Does he get any kind of reward, such as attention, for hitting? Asking such questions and trying to look for a pattern will help you clue in on how to deal. Also it could be effective if your husband helps in the discipline together, even if he's not the one being hit.

CPenzias

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 12:22 pm

oneofakind wrote:

To add to this instead of telling him what NOT to do tell him what TO DO. "We make nice, like this"

amother

Gardenia

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 12:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Possibly not. He didn't qualify for Early Intervention but tends to run a few months behind on milestones.

Same here. Mine stopped when I started making a sad face and then he feels bad. I hold his hand and say " We don't hit. Hitting hurts".He still does it sometimes when he's upset, but in general he understands now that it makes me sad and doesn't do it.

amother

Crystal

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 1:52 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

This approach helped with my toddler.

WhatFor

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 2:04 pm

amother OP wrote:

This is exactly what I do, and it doesn't work. After I redirect him to something he comes back at me for more.

I'm so tired of being a punching bag.

Is there a pattern for when this happens? Is he due for a nap or a snack/meal? Is this typically happening when you're already engaging him or specifically when you're not in middle of engaging him? If you spend a few days tracking the circumstances, and you're able to find a pattern, then you can pre-empt these situations before he does them.

For a kid that young, I often find it's more effective than trying to drill into them what they're not allowed to do.

amother

Nectarine

Mon, Aug 19 2024, 2:06 pm

I would do some healthy aggression things with him at other times or even as a redirection.

Here are some ideas:

Make animal sounds with him. "Which animal do you want to be? An elephant? Can you stomp stomp? A lion? Can you make a big roar?" Join him and pick an animal too.

Have him push your hands and have him push you out of the room. Put up some resistance so he can he feel his strength but not enough so that he can't win you over.

Wrestle and physically play with him

Build a big tower and ask if he wants to break it and let him enjoy kicking it down (tower of cups)

The main thing is to encourage him to use his aggression and strength in a healthy way. It's a healthy emotion.