This weeks double take - cousins club

amother

Sat, Aug 17 2024, 11:51 pm

Link to the double take article - https://mishpacha.com/cousins-club/

I’m curious to hear people’s thoughts on if Liba was right and her boys were being normal eight and ten year olds. They seemed more wild than normal and I felt like she should have had some parenting strategies to keep them in line but I only have one girl and she’s young so maybe that’s just what overstimulated elementary school boys are like and it can’t be helped.

My family recently did a Shabbos just like the one described in the article and it was absolutely miserable for me with my one toddler. She was overstimulated and all over the place and I cried at the end of Shabbos from exhaustion. I’m starting to think family Shabbosim like this one are just a bad idea. Parenting kids is so hard in such an overwhelming environment with kids not sleeping well because they’re not at home.

Peersupport

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:03 am

Liba should have stayed up to supervise her kids.
It was not fair of her to take a nap while her sisters had to deal with her kids.

She's at a different stage in life but her kids still need supervision.

my mama

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:05 am

Peersupport wrote:

Her husband told her he was supervising so she took a much needed nap.

Her sisters were being a little unreasonable and could've communicated with her instead of seething with each others and complaining to her only once it got really bad

amother

DarkCyan ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:07 am

it was a set up from the get go

they needed some kind of programming

especially for the older boys

the whole thing is so predictable
and kind of ridiculous

silly to blame her
silly to blame one another

and doesn't sound like there was any foresight or planning on anyone's part
yes sure little girls are going to play nicely together

what else is new

amother

Hyssop ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:07 am

Her boys were normal for bored, understimulated 10 year olds.

Liba took a nap leaving her husband in charge. Her sister blamed her for taking a nap, never bothering to tell the father to discipline his kids.
Liba blamed her sister for not entertaining her boys. That's not her sister's job! That should have been her husband's job.

They both blamed each other instead of asking the father to take care of his kids.

amother

Rainbow

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:07 am

I have boys that age. They would never do that to their young cousins on their own BUT if they had one other cousin their age joining in, they’d fight and bother the other kids together with that cousin.

But dh and I would try to be on top of them and discipline if it got out of hand.

Lovable ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:08 am

Liba was wrong in too many ways
I have a sister and a sil with her attitude. It stinks
Since when do boys get an ez pass for chutzpah, fighting, and plain old bad behavior, just because they're 'Boys'?
Nowhere in the article did I see a time where liba or her husband disciplined the boys
And to prove the point of their irresponsibility as parents, no one was on duty to supervise the boys shabbos afternoon.

Family shabbosim do not need to be cancelled because of some parents who don't do their job.

Last edited by Lovable on Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:42 am; edited 1 time in total

mha3484 ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:08 am

I have boys that age and one of them has an enormous amount of energy. You cant understand it unless you live it.

That being said, if your liba you have two choices either say this isn't a trip that will be appropriate for my family which really it isn't. You can see how shes basically an after thought in all the planning or you constantly have to be the entertainment. You pull up a chair, bring a book and park yourself in the back yard while they run wild. Neither way will be ideal but theres an expression called pick your hard. Either way is stinky so choose.

↑ Lovable ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:11 am

my mama wrote:

Unreasonable? Their entire afternoon was ruined by boys have no discipline and were under no supervision .
She should not only accept the blame, but also APOLOGIZE and communicate with her husband better next time

amother

↑ Hyssop ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:13 am

Liba shares how exhausting it was to play endless games with her boys before the meal started. She admits that she and her husband couldn't stop the boys from eating lots of sugar. But then she snaps at her sisters to "talk to them, play with them, don't give them snacks that makes them crazy. "

If you can't do that without needing a 2 hour nap, how do you expect your sisters to do that while also watching their own kids?

amother

Daffodil ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:43 am

Liba was the only one being unreasonable. Her boys behavior was unacceptable & absolutely not normal for regular boys. It seems like their behavior is always like that, even at home & instead of parenting her kids, Liba is just saying that this is normal boys behavior. It is not.

↑ mha3484 ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 12:44 am

One thing I found interesting and maybe it’s just a different culture but my parents had kids way before my mothers siblings. We were 10/8/4 when the first cousin was born and my grandparents and parents were well past the baby stage so that we had the opposite issue the machlokes was that functions were not catered to the under 5 crowd.

We were fully included in conversations so its weird to me no one at a table of adults can engage a 10 year old boy in conversation?

amother

Blush ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 1:12 am

I think that Liba was in denial. Her kids clearly had issues. Their behavior is not normal. The grabbing of food, playing ball in the house, smashing the games...
And since when is it normal to let boys throw a ball on the dining room during a shabbos meal ?
I don’t think the other sisters were in the wrong at all. Typically, you don't say anything to someone because people try to avoid confrontation if possible. So they're tried to manage as best as they could until they just couldn't anymore. Liba knew this shabbos was not gonna be geared towards her boys. She should have planned accordingly.

It's always a challenge when you have a difficult child. It's hard on the parents and everyone else. And Leba had two. But the reason this was hard to swallow is because Liba and her husband seemed oblivious to how their kids were ruining shabos for the whole family.

amother

Peru

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 1:17 am

I think anyone commenting needs to write their age/stage And whether they’re a mom of boys. Because young mothers or girl moms really really can’t understand boys. They just can’t

amother

Lemon ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 1:20 am

My son would absolutely act like this if we let him. At family events we put in a tremendous amount of effort to make sure he’s entertained and not everyone else’s problem. During meals we will often take him for a walk around the block, leave the table to play a game with him etc.

Family shabbatons are almost always hard at least for some people , it’s rare that the ages and genders work out perfect. So I feel for these boys that they were super bored and Shabbos was catered to everyone but them. That doesn’t mean their parents should throw their hands up and say well what do you expect? It’s their kids. You’re expected to be in charge of them. Bring a new exciting game for them, yes sorry you may need to actually play it with them, give them jobs to do to keep them busy, bring their scooters and let them ride around outside etc. certainly mom can’t nap while dad learns of the porch and their kids are someone else’s problem . That’s crazy

amother

↑ Lemon

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 1:22 am

Even when I take my son to the playground or a trampoline park I have to follow him around the whole time or he’ll get into trouble. I wish I could sit on a bench and Shmooze with the other mothers but this is my kid and my responsibility. So I understand Liba that it’s super exhausting but this is part of motherhood for you.

amother

↑ Daffodil ↓

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 1:30 am

amother Peru wrote:

I think anyone commenting needs to write their age/stage And whether they’re a mom of boys. Because young mothers or girl moms really really can’t understand boys. They just can’t

I have boys and girls kh, teens to tots. I have 8 brothers kh. Liba's boys behavior is absolutely not normal boys behavior. They're out of control undisciplined kids. This isn't regular boys wildness.

amother

Chicory

Sun, Aug 18 2024, 1:32 am

amother Peru wrote:

I think anyone commenting needs to write their age/stage And whether they’re a mom of boys. Because young mothers or girl moms really really can’t understand boys. They just can’t

I have a bunch of rambunctious boys. I really really understand boys and I don't think what was described is normal boy behavior.