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-> Yom Tov / Holidays
-> Shabbos, Rosh Chodesh, Fast Days, and other Days of Note
amother
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 Tue, Aug 13 2024, 4:14 pm
Before I had kids, fasting didn't bother me at all.
Now I have 4 young kids and it just gets harder and harder.
I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it (posting anon cos of this) but every time I fast (only 9 bav and Yom Kippur at this point), I end up feeling very angry at Hashem. I have kids cos this is what You want me to do, I raise them and care for them to the best of my ability. So why are You making me fast and try to take care of them. It just doesn't work for me. In order to be a functional mother I need to be well hydrated and eat nutritiously. I just can't deal with kids when I'm fasting. Why are You making me do this? Pick one! Kids or fasting.
I know it's not rational or a healthy mindset. And I really try to prepare practically for fast days. I got new activities for the kids, etc.
But here I am, Tisha bav afternoon and instead of feeling Tisha bav I'm lying in my bed, giving my kids ridiculous amounts of screen time and just annoyed at the situation.
Would really love some advice of how to get out of this perspective
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amother
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 4:18 pm
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My kids have had a ridiculous amount of screentime today too. Who cares? It’s one day a year. I have fond memories of watching lots of Arthur episodes one Tisha bav as a kid.
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imaima
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 4:23 pm
| amother OP wrote: | Before I had kids, fasting didn't bother me at all.
Now I have 4 young kids and it just gets harder and harder.
I'm kind of embarrassed to admit it (posting anon cos of this) but every time I fast (only 9 bav and Yom Kippur at this point), I end up feeling very angry at Hashem. I have kids cos this is what You want me to do, I raise them and care for them to the best of my ability. So why are You making me fast and try to take care of them. It just doesn't work for me. In order to be a functional mother I need to be well hydrated and eat nutritiously. I just can't deal with kids when I'm fasting. Why are You making me do this? Pick one! Kids or fasting.
I know it's not rational or a healthy mindset. And I really try to prepare practically for fast days. I got new activities for the kids, etc.
But here I am, Tisha bav afternoon and instead of feeling Tisha bav I'm lying in my bed, giving my kids ridiculous amounts of screen time and just annoyed at the situation.
Would really love some advice of how to get out of this perspective |
Either screen time or many hours in the park with friends and peers. I need distraction so badly.
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Ruchel
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 4:40 pm
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If I fast I cannot stand. Migraine low B-p and later nausea.
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amother
Periwinkle
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 4:43 pm
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It’s literally one day.. and I’m a bad faster
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amother
Begonia
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 4:55 pm
no no. you do not mean what you are saying here.
do not ask hashem to pick one. kids or fasting.
plenty women would rather have kids and figure out how to fast.
you certainly don’t mean what you wrote.
and yes, fasting with little kids is hard (I have done it many times and I BH have a nursing baby this year so I know what you are talking about.)
ask hashem to rebuild the BHMK so we don’t have to fast
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amother
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 5:05 pm
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I’m reading this thread and the responses are dismissive of your feelings, mine included about how watching isn’t a bad thing for kids on Tisha bav. Parenting little kids and fasting is no joke, it’s hard! Being frum is very hard sometimes.
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amother
Mistyrose
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 5:13 pm
| amother Begonia wrote: | no no. you do not mean what you are saying here.
do not ask hashem to pick one. kids or fasting.
plenty women would rather have kids and figure out how to fast.
you certainly don’t mean what you wrote.
and yes, fasting with little kids is hard (I have done it many times and I BH have a nursing baby this year so I know what you are talking about.)
ask hashem to rebuild the BHMK so we don’t have to fast |
She said it of course she means it. How can you decide for her what she means
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mushkamothers
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 5:16 pm
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It's not easy. Anger isn't a bad emotion. It's a galus problem that we have to fast (or be sick etc) and still have to take care of kids. And that taking care of kids is hard in general. It's all due to the bhmk being destroyed so very appropo.
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amother
Yolk
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 5:20 pm
| amother Mistyrose wrote: | | She said it of course she means it. How can you decide for her what she means |
I am 100% positive that she doesn't mean that. People often say things when they're very upset that they don't really mean. She's allowed to express how she feels but that doesn't mean you have to take her literally.
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amother
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 5:28 pm
Thank you to all of the posters who took the time to post helpful responses.
It's a difficult place for me to be, because I'm not usually like this. So really appreciate the helpful replies. And the validation.
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tichellady
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 7:43 pm
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Is childcare an option for fast days? That’s the only way I can do it
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amother
Peony
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Tue, Aug 13 2024, 7:50 pm
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Helps me to remember that the rage isn't "real", it's just the excess cortisol from fasting.
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 12:16 am
Really appreciated reading this! Thank you
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 12:16 am
| amother Peony wrote: | | Helps me to remember that the rage isn't "real", it's just the excess cortisol from fasting. |
Oh, I like that thought. In general, and especially for a fast day. Thanks!
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amother
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Wed, Aug 14 2024, 12:18 am
| tichellady wrote: | | Is childcare an option for fast days? That’s the only way I can do it |
Hmm. Maybe. My kids aren't happy with a random babysitter that they don't know. And my regular babysitters are all over bas mitzvah and fasting also. DH helped a loooot this Tisha bav.
But I think for YK I'll have to work on some sort of childcare help
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