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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
amother
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 Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:06 pm
My 15 yr old son met a boy a friend of a friend.
They became very friendly.
Not sure what it is about this boy but I didnt get such a good feeling about him.
He is just too polite if that makes sense. His parents are not on top of him at all and let him do whatever he wants and gives him whatever he wants.
I dont know the parents at all.
I heard things about him after I met him which of course I am not listening to but I am a bit nervous.
I am trying to limit the time my son spends with him having the boy come to my house only letting my son meet this boy in a pizza store but not in this boys house.
I was told that he watches p@rn and his yeshiva knows about it.
My son was pressuring me to tell him why I am not comfortable with him going there and he cought me at a bad time and I told him because of the p@rn.
Now my son told this boy and he is all mad at me. Plus my son and him would play video games together over the internet which I stopped.
Funny thing is my son doesnt seem all that upset about it but I dont think I handled it the right way.
Should I say something to this boy?
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amother
Cappuccino
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:19 pm
Who told you the boy watched p.?
Not sure what you should do about it but maybe an adult can get involved to either help him or clear up his name.
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ftm1234
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:22 pm
Your son messed up more than you did.
He's 15. He should've known better.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:32 pm
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How did you mess up? I see no reason for you to talk to this boy. Your job here is to protect and take care of your son’s wellbeing.
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erm
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:36 pm
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We all learn the hard way that trusting our children with information about others doesn’t work. You did what you had to do to protect your son. Is the friend upset because you told your son, because you know what he did or because it isn’t true?
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:36 pm
| amother Topaz wrote: | | How did you mess up? I see no reason for you to talk to this boy. Your job here is to protect and take care of your son’s wellbeing. |
By telling my son that I heard this boy watches p@rn.
Maybe I shouldnt of said that but I want to protect my son.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 4:50 pm
| amother OP wrote: | By telling my son that I heard this boy watches p@rn.
Maybe I shouldnt of said that but I want to protect my son. |
You had a right to tell him and it’s fine if he repeated it.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 5:37 pm
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How do you know what this boy watches?
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 6:04 pm
A mother saw something.
I feel bad now this boy doesnt want to come come into my house.
If I am wrong I feel bad but I needed to warn my son.
Im not upset I warned my son but im upset I told him it was p@rn. I wanted to say that there are inappropriate things he might be watching and not be so specific but he got me at a weak moment and he told this boy.
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amother
Navyblue
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 6:08 pm
| amother OP wrote: | A mother saw something.
I feel bad now this boy doesnt want to come come into my house.
If I am wrong I feel bad but I needed to warn my son.
Im not upset I warned my son but im upset I told him it was p@rn. I wanted to say that there are inappropriate things he might be watching and not be so specific but he got me at a weak moment and he told this boy. |
I don’t think you did anything wrong your priority is your son not this other boy
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 6:09 pm
| amother OP wrote: | A mother saw something.
I feel bad now this boy doesnt want to come come into my house.
If I am wrong I feel bad but I needed to warn my son.
Im not upset I warned my son but im upset I told him it was p@rn. I wanted to say that there are inappropriate things he might be watching and not be so specific but he got me at a weak moment and he told this boy. |
I’m not understanding your concerns here. Your job is your son, you did what you needed to do. It’s ok what happened. Leave it and move on.
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amother
Whitesmoke
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 6:18 pm
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If he actually does watch p-rn and it wasn’t false information then what you did is good, you were honest with your son. He chose to disclose the information. Now maybe the boy will realize that if he watches p-rn , he might lose friends over it. Maybe he will be more careful. It’s not that bad and seems like maybe your son is happy that you prevented it.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 7:29 pm
Thank you all for the validation.
I just feel bad if it isn't true. But I wanted to warn my son plus I wanted to show my son that he needs to stay on the correct derech so not to get a bad reputation.
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amother
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Thu, Aug 01 2024, 9:48 pm
A mother saw something? What does that mean?
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amother
Magenta
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 1:02 am
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He needs to stay on the correct Derech so that it doesn’t ruin his reputation?
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amother
DarkRed
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 1:11 am
| amother OP wrote: | My 15 yr old son met a boy a friend of a friend.
They became very friendly.
Not sure what it is about this boy but I didnt get such a good feeling about him.
He is just too polite if that makes sense. His parents are not on top of him at all and let him do whatever he wants and gives him whatever he wants.
I dont know the parents at all.
I heard things about him after I met him which of course I am not listening to but I am a bit nervous.
I am trying to limit the time my son spends with him having the boy come to my house only letting my son meet this boy in a pizza store but not in this boys house.
I was told that he watches p@rn and his yeshiva knows about it.
My son was pressuring me to tell him why I am not comfortable with him going there and he cought me at a bad time and I told him because of the p@rn.
Now my son told this boy and he is all mad at me. Plus my son and him would play video games together over the internet which I stopped.
Funny thing is my son doesnt seem all that upset about it but I dont think I handled it the right way.
Should I say something to this boy? |
You didn’t mess up.
I also feel that your son betrayed you. I would really talk to him about it. He told lashon hara about you. He should get his loyalties straight.
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amother
Periwinkle
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 6:31 am
| amother DarkRed wrote: | You didn’t mess up.
I also feel that your son betrayed you. I would really talk to him about it. He told lashon hara about you. He should get his loyalties straight. |
I don’t think a 15 year old can be trusted to keep that kind of secret from a friend. OP shouldn’t have repeated motzei Shem ra.
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amother
Burgundy
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 6:40 am
It’s possible that is isn’t true that he watches p-rn and it’s a rumor someone spread about him based on a wrongful assumption. That would make it an awful rumor to be spreading about this poor boy. Maybe follow up with your son and say you don’t have full confirmation that he watches it, it’s just a rumor you heard.
I had rumors like this spread about me as a young teen and it broke me.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 6:55 am
| amother Periwinkle wrote: | | I don’t think a 15 year old can be trusted to keep that kind of secret from a friend. OP shouldn’t have repeated motzei Shem ra. |
She had every obligation to tell him so he can protect himself. What type of nonsense is this.
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amother
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Fri, Aug 02 2024, 7:51 am
OP.
1-you heard an unconfirmed rumor from an unconfirmed source about this boy.
2- you chose to believe it and deemed this boy to be a bad influence
3- you went into protection mode and told your son to stay away from him.
4- Your son told his friend and now the friend feels uncomfortable around you.
Where do you think you messed up? What are you asking advice about?
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