I feel like whats the point of fasting If Im lying in bed al

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:14 am

All day?

My kids are fighting nonstop, physically ,and in tears and I have no koach to do anything.

They are 12 and 10.
The youngest is 4 but out for now.

I asked A rov last night about fasting, he said I should try and If I feel unwell I can break it.

Its my 12 yo daughters first fast.
Id feel bad to break it in front of her, she'd probably want to do the same then.

I was always fine fasting until I had kids , I can fast if I can be in bed all day .
I feel like its so hard to fast like this .
How can I do both?

groovy1224

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:18 am

If I were you I'd break it when I need to, and just not eat in front of my daughter. You are in different stages of life; she can lie down all day if she needs to but you have children to take care of.

Take care of yourself and you will be better equipped to help her manage her first fast.

amother

Steelblue

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:42 am

Maybe ignore your 12 and 10 year old, let them fight if they want to. You shouldn’t have to get out of bed for that.

Cheiny ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:48 am

amother OP wrote:

I think it’s an opportunity to train your children early on by modeling the behaviors you’d like to see them adopt. Fasting isn’t easy for anyone but it’s a mitzvah. They will take their cues from you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:49 am

amother Steelblue wrote:

Maybe ignore your 12 and 10 year old, let them fight if they want to. You shouldn’t have to get out of bed for that.

Thats what Im doing.
I have no strength to intervene.
Even at the best of tines its so hard.
My 10 yo has some behavioural needs.
my 12 yo is in tears.
Younger one keeps starting on her.

Every time I fast I start to question how can you be a mother and fast at the same time?
Little kids are fine but older ones...
I feel bad for them
When I was growing up everyone fasted and my parents didnt 'abandon' us just to fast.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:51 am

Cheiny wrote:

Yes I feel like that aswel but things are falling apart.

Plus I dont usually fast and I always told them mothers are different.
Its rovs advice etc.

↑ Cheiny

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 11:54 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes I feel like that aswel but things are falling apart.

Plus I dont usually fast and I always told them mothers are different.
Its rovs advice etc.

I didn’t quite understand your last point, but your kids are old enough for you to be able to explain to them that Mommy is fasting and they would be doing a special mitzvah by behaving extra well today. I’d offer them a special prize as incentive as well, like taking them out for ice cream or giving them some special treat as a reward if they’ll behave nicely today.

erm

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 12:02 pm

They need an activity to keep them occupied. Are there games/puzzles/ books they like to do? I try to keep in mind that it’s the yetzer hara making them act this way so that you will break your fast (or not daven etc) . I find if I’m resolved to not breaking it with that in mind, the kids behavior improves. I know it sounds weird but it has always worked for me.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 12:02 pm

Yes they should be old enough to understand , but theyr not.

My kids are seeing me fasting which I usually dont do , and I wouldnt want them to see me breaking it and just give an excuse,
Usually they ask me why Im not and I say rov says mothers of little children dont need to.
Well now my youngest is 4 and im not pregnant or a.t. so they always say well we dont have a baby Nd I answer thats what the rov says.

But I feel like to show them I started off and then it got difficult and I broke it , isnt good for them to see.
I dont want to lie either.

I guess What I really want to know how to give over the right hashkafas to my kids in the right way.

Growing up our whole family fasted every single fast.
No one broke it if they werent feeling good or went to bed.
It wasnt even a question.

amother

Cobalt

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 12:11 pm

I’m heimish, it’s not a thing for women to do minor fast. Thank goodness.

But either way, you asked a Rav and he said to break it if it got hard. It got hard so you’re following your halachic guidance. Simple.

It’s a great chinuch moment. You don’t want your kids to be more machmir than halachic guidance indicates. It’s not healthy or appropriate.

amother

Blueberry

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:11 pm

amother OP wrote:

She is fasting too! How is this fair to her? If she wasn't fasting I'd say don't intervene to save your strength, but she is fasting and he keeps bothering her and making her cry! It's her first fast, that's hard. Imagine someone nonstop bothering you on top of how weak you feel now. I think you need to help her and if you need to break your fast to do that, so be it.

amother

Zinnia

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:14 pm

Similar situation except I'm working from home. I don't typically fast this one, but dd is 12 and stayed home for the day. She is fasting. So far she watched a movie, read a book and is now making a craft.

I'm dying inside. I can't think straight when I'm fasting and I have multiple meetings today.

I don't want to eat infront of her, but she is all over the place today.

amother

Sapphire

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:16 pm

I totally feel your pain!

When I got married and had little kids I stopped doing the minor fasts. But when my kids got older and were Bar and Bas Mitzvah I started again so that I could be a good role model.

Even today I was going through the same back and forth dialogue that you were. In the end I am sticking with the fasting because I feel okay enough B”H.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:36 pm

amother Sapphire wrote:

Thank you.
Is this what we are meant to do?
Would love to actually know right perspective on this.

Im downstairs and on the couch.

Hopefully putting younger one to bed soon and my older ones are out.

I hope to get through it.

amother

Charcoal

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:39 pm

amother OP wrote:

It’s ok to give your children your hashkafos. Just like you’re ok breaking minor fasts when you’re not feeling well, your daughters can do the same. Don’t feel guilty about it, this is standard. It’s ok for them to know that they can break it if they’re not feeling well. Your boys will see that Tatty is fasting and not Mommy, that’s ok for them to know too.

safetynet1

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:40 pm

To echo the poster that mentioned the 12 year old. I understand you're weak from fasting, but this is unfair to the 12 year old. She is fasting for the first time. The 10 yr old should not be bothering her.