8 year old son touching aiver

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 1:12 pm

I have recently been finding my 8 year old son playing with his aiver. He said it feels a little good and he figured it out himself. I don't think it's a red flag and no I don't think he was molested. I just want to know what the appropriate response would be as he is my only son and I have no experience with boys 🤦 tia

amother

Dill

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 1:19 pm

Boys 🙄

I have a few of them. Wink

Talk to him in 15 second increments as they get nervous from long drashas.

I tell them it feels good at the moment but it isn't healthy to touch it.

amother

Garnet ↓

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 1:30 pm

amother Dill wrote:

Boys 🙄

I have a few of them. Wink

Talk to him in 15 second increments as they get nervous from long drashas.

I tell them it feels good at the moment but it isn't healthy to touch it.

There is nothing unhealthy about touching it. Please don't teach him that, as when it comes time for him to have s*x, you don't want there to be any shame around it. As long as he washes his hands after with warm water and soap, I see no problem. Obv make sure you tell him it's ok as long as it's done in privacy.

watergirl

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 1:56 pm

amother Dill wrote:

Boys 🙄

I have a few of them. Wink

Talk to him in 15 second increments as they get nervous from long drashas.

I tell them it feels good at the moment but it isn't healthy to touch it.

This is how shame and zxual issues are born.

There is nothing unhealthy about touching one’s body. When he’s a bit older, it will be time for a kedusha talk from his father. For now, if he is going to touch himself, it’s a private matter. Just tell him if he is touching himself, he should go to the bathroom. Not because it’s dirty, but because that is the place to touch one’s private area to relieve himself.

amother

Wine ↓

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 2:00 pm

Teach him it’s not appropriate in public only in private like the bathroom and he has to wash his hands when he touches it.

I see so many boys touching themselves in public it’s so important that they understand it’s not appropriate.

gootlfriends

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 2:29 pm

It is totally normal to be curious about one's body. As pp, just tell him to limit it to private time. Bathroom or bedroom when no one is around. The same thing for girls. Our bodies are private. Not shameful. My almost 4 year old understands this.

amother

↑ Garnet

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 3:47 pm

amother Lemonlime wrote:

Tell him it's not tznius to touch there.

If he is alone, in private, no issue. Please don't make an issue where there isn't!

amother

Orange

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 4:12 pm

Boys, lol
I told my son it’s not nice to touch private parts in public .
Also that’s it’s not good/healthy to touch it so much even if it feels good. And then I ignored it when he would touch.
When he was older (12) we explained more from the book from boys to men. So he understands what’s going on. Bh he’s doing well and asks us questions when he goes through different stages puberty.
That book actually recommends some topics to start discussing when ur child is younger. I highly recommend you get that the book. It was a big help for us on how to navigate this discussion.
Also you don’t want him hearing these things from friends . Trust me that never goes well, and boys will be boys so they Will definitely be talking about these things

amother

Pear ↓

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 4:41 pm

Same question- oldest son is 7.5. Are they allowed to gives themselves a hand job? Or just touch it? I’m confused

amother

↑ Wine

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 4:42 pm

amother Pear wrote:

Same question- oldest son is 7.5. Are they allowed to gives themselves a hand job? Or just touch it? I’m confused

There is no hand job at this age. Semen only comes out after puberty.

amother

↑ Pear

Fri, Jul 19 2024, 4:45 pm

Sorry to clarify- not that semen comes out but to make it harder/bigger? I found my son doing this in the bath and got creeped out and told my husband he has to deal with it. I only grew up with sisters and my oldest are girls this is totally new territory for me..

amother

Papaya

Sat, Jul 20 2024, 11:06 am

amother Pear wrote:

Your 7.5 your old son is getting a bath still?

amother

Bluebonnet

Sat, Jul 20 2024, 9:27 pm

amother OP wrote:

What's wrong with that?

exactly, whats wrong with that? some poeple like taking baths better than showers. including yours truly, a woman in my forties. Nothing like a good soak in a bathtub!

happyness

Sat, Jul 20 2024, 10:21 pm

I’ve told my boys that I know it feels good and it’s normal.
Torah tells us to avoid it, and here I explain a bit from the book From Boys to Men as to why the Torah wants him to avoid it and what it could lead to.
You’re okay if you did touch, no one’s perfect, and Hashem wants you to move on and do your best.