Remarriage with child under two

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 6:23 am

How old is your youngest child? There is a halacha that the woman has to wait till the youngest is 2.

DVOM

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 6:28 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

How old is your youngest child? There is a halacha that the woman has to wait till the youngest is 2.

That's fascinating.

Does the halacha talk about the reasoning behind this?

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 6:30 am

DVOM wrote:

That's fascinating.

Does the halacha talk about the reasoning behind this?

I was told this has to do with the obligation to nursing the baby till age 2...
If no baby, then there is a minimum wait to ensure that if she gets pregnant, its clear who the father is.

amother

Springgreen

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 6:44 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

How old is your youngest child? There is a halacha that the woman has to wait till the youngest is 2.

My friend got married when her child was 1 as she never nursed.

watergirl ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 7:55 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

How old is your youngest child? There is a halacha that the woman has to wait till the youngest is 2.

This is an often quoted and wrong statement.

The only halacha is that a woman must wait three months before she can remarry after a divorce. That is to ensure that if she was pregnant at the time of divorce, she knows who the father is.

amother

Gladiolus ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 8:13 am

watergirl wrote:

It's absolutely accurate and my Beis Din confirmed as much. That being said, there can be room for leniency in different situations. So everyone can ask their LOR.

amother

Bergamot

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 8:20 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

It's absolutely accurate and my Beis Din confirmed as much. That being said, there can be room for leniency in different situations. So everyone can ask their LOR.

It's not a halacha. It's a minhag.
The halacha is 3 months for a divorced or widowed woman to remarry.
A woman who is pregnant at the time her husband passes away has to wait until the baby is 2.

amother

↑ Gladiolus ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 8:21 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

It's not a halacha. It's a minhag.
The halacha is 3 months for a divorced or widowed woman to remarry.
A woman who is pregnant at the time her husband passes away has to wait until the baby is 2.

Not sure what you're talking about. It's straight in the Shulchan Aruch and held up by the contemporary Poskim.

(I know there are many people given exceptions but that doesn't make it, not the basic law.)

amother

Lightyellow ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 8:22 am

The minimum is 3 months. Anything else might be recommended but it’s not basic Halacha that must be kept.

amother

↑ Lightyellow

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 8:24 am

Now that we have formula and a baby is not 100% dependent on breast milk it’s not considered something that must be kept

amother

↑ Gladiolus

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 8:29 am

This is the halacha regarding a mother who is pregnant or within 2 years of birth as brought down in Shulchan Aruch.

https://www.sefaria.org/Shulch.....ng=bi

When to make exceptions is discussed by all the recent Poskim like Igros Moshe and Yabia Omer.

I'm not going to argue this point anymore. If it's relevant to you like it was to me, ask your own Rabbi.

↑ watergirl

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 8:59 am

amother Gladiolus wrote:

It's absolutely accurate and my Beis Din confirmed as much. That being said, there can be room for leniency in different situations. So everyone can ask their LOR.

As I am, somebody who is divorced and remarried, I have become somewhat of an informal mentor to many divorced women who are dating. Every single woman with a child under two years old, asked their posek they can be married before their child is too, and every single one of that exception was told yes.

Ask your own LOR. We din’t pasken on our own.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 10:54 am

This might clarify things although asking LOR is always best
https://shulchanaruchharav.com.....band/

amother

Yellow

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 12:01 pm

amother Lightyellow wrote:

Now that we have formula and a baby is not 100% dependent on breast milk it’s not considered something that must be kept

But it is still considered needing a heter before the child is 2
And many men will not even want to consider going into such a relationship if they need to get a heter and will not even look into it before the child turns 2

Ruchel

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 1:10 pm

Nowadays it's often not taken into account
Even before, some held only if nursing
Sime held 18 months.
some held only if the baby is dependent on nursing
It's clearly about ttc and whether the lady would be pressed to neglect the first man's child
If you want to read about it, A marriage of opposites, it's one of the problems

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 1:15 pm

watergirl wrote:

And I know many who were told no. I guess it depends on who your posek is. Im not going to argue with you on this, just pointing out that your experiences are anecdotal and not to be held as halacha. Each has to ask their own shayla.

essie14

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 1:51 pm

My cousin's husband died when she was pregnant. She remarried before her baby was 2.

keym

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 4:10 pm

A relative of mine wanted to remarry before her child turned 2.
The Rav involved had the mother put a certain amount of money (the equivalent of formula up until the child turned 2) into escrow to be used as needed.
The logic being that the new husband will pressure his wife to stop nursing and get pregnant so the Rabbanim needed to make sure that the child would have the food he needed.
(Even if the child wasn't nursing)

HarrietW

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 5:52 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

I find this Halacha weird because a woman does not have a Halachick obligation to nurse her child. I also only saw it in the context that she might be forced to neglect the child, or the new husband will force her to give up nursing. None of which are concerns today.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Jun 16 2024, 11:10 pm

HarrietW wrote:

So your Rav will pasken accordingly. You want to argue with the Shulchan Aruch that a halacha is no longer valid or call it "weird", your choice.

This is why people ask for a Heter. If they need it, there are great Rabbanim who will give it.