Is it socially off...

amother

Tulip

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

To ask someone where they purchased an outfit? I teach and I fell in love with an outfit a mother was wearing recently at pickup. (It was a denim two piece, if that matters) I shopped around a bunch of places (junees, fashion island, fallons, etc) and I would really want to know where she got it. Is that socially off? We're friendly and usually shmooze when we bump into each other.

I would. Unless someone has her clothes custom made, people are gonna wear the same.

amother

Lily ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 6:07 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

I will gladly tell you I got it at Walmart and it is now on clearance. How awesome that you like my Walmart outfit and want it too. Happy to help you out to find the outfit and will gladly send you the link or coupon code to help you save you a few dollars.

Not really sure why people need to be so pretentious. Spending a lot on clothing doesn’t make you successful or better than me. Looking great at a fraction of the price is a skill to be proud of.

Exactly! I was so proud to tell everyone that my dress was from shein, that I recently wore at a Shabbos Bar Mitzvah Kiddush. I got tons of compliments, and I was so proud that I didn't spend a lot! Smile

as long as you look nice, who cares.
Op, I'd say 'I love your outfit! I haven't seen anything like that around. Where did you find it?'

amother

Viola ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 6:15 pm

I once asked a relative where she bought something she was wearing and she said, oh, someone gave it to me. Later on I heard that she got it at a clothing gemach. She was probably uncomfortable that I asked her but you really couldn’t tell. It was something very stylish.

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, May 27 2024, 6:19 pm

amother Lily wrote:

as long as you look nice, who cares.
Op, I'd say 'I love your outfit! I haven't seen anything like that around. Where did you find it?'

Please share a link! Smile

↑ zaq ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 6:27 pm

dankbar wrote:

I think being this relationship of teacher student it is inappropriate question.

I don't always like when people want to know about my clothes or my kids or look into my bags to see what I shopped.

But this relationship should get more professional not like besties

Where do you see that it's a student and teacher? OP said "pickup"--presumably it's two mothers.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 6:30 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Get a picture and google lens the outfit

Good idea! I've done this when I see a dress on someone on IG. But this was for sure from a frum store and I don't think it will come up. (Even if I could non-creepily get a picture lol)

amother

↑ Lily ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 6:30 pm

amother Periwinkle wrote:

Please share a link! Smile

I'm not sure how to link it. But put this in the search bar.
SHEIN Mulvari Tie Neck Lantern Sleeve Ruffle Hem Dress
It really suited my figure! Love it. Very thin material but I still like it.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 6:33 pm

Thanks for all the advice. To answer some posters:

It's def not a gemach or hand me down item (both from the style and the person)

But she's also very chill and would laugh and tell me if it was (we've spoken about shopping for kids in the past)

And I'm a teacher, she's a mother in the school (don't know why ppl assumed I was her student?)

I appreciate the advice! If I see her wearing it again, I think I'll casually compliment and ask.

↑ zaq ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 6:40 pm

amother Burgundy wrote:

Not really sure why people need to be so pretentious. Spending a lot on clothing doesn’t make you successful or better than me. Looking great at a fraction of the price is a skill to be proud of.

THIS.

However....not everyone is pretentious. Maybe some people are reluctant to say because they davka shop at expensive places and prefer that people not know. Maybe they don't want to embarrass you because they think you can't afford to shop there. Maybe they're embarrassed that they don't know how to shop wisely. Maybe they don't want to sound showoffy. Maybe they don't want you to know they can afford expensive shops because then you'll hit them up for a loan or for more donations for your favorite charity. Maybe you're on the tuition committee that just gave them a big break and they're afraid that will be jeopardized if you know they shop at expensive stores.

And maybe they set great store (ha!) by having their own personal style and don't want anyone they know to wear the same things they do. This could be because they're selfish and have to be the Fashion Queen of the neighborhood, but it could also be because they have a poor self-image and assume that anyone wearing the same thing as they do will look a thousand times better and they'll suffer in comparison.

amother

↑ Lily

Mon, May 27 2024, 6:45 pm

zaq wrote:

I've stopped asking my sister where she bought something from, for her or her daughters because she hates it. She started ignoring me when I asked. She shops in expensive stores, clothes that I can't afford, so there was no point really.

fiji

Mon, May 27 2024, 7:34 pm

I once told someone that I loved her kids outfit and asked where it was from. She hemmed and hawed, clearly didn't want to answer, before saying that it was from a free chessed gemach.
I still don't think there's anything wrong with the question but it was very awkward

Crookshanks

Mon, May 27 2024, 10:40 pm

amother Viola wrote:

How do you do that? I realize that most people know this but I’m a little older and not so up to date with technology

On my phone, (an android,) you can "share" and it gives you lots of different apps you can share with. One of the options is google lens. You might need to download the lens app first if your phone doesn't have it already.

B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 10:58 pm

amother PlumPink wrote:

If someone said to me, I love what you’re wearing, where’d you get it? I’d just feel complimented. Like a poster wrote above, it’s all how you say it.

And be prepared to accept a "who remembers?" answer. Dont push if you dont get an answer..... Its socially off to insist...

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 11:02 pm

fiji wrote:

The question was fine, but the second she hemmed - please end it and dont let her even get to hawed - say something like "Oh, you dont have to remember where you bought every outfit, I was just complimenting it, it looks great on your kids, enjoy"

Please please please be care of Al Tachmod....and embarrassing a person....

amother

Anemone ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 11:03 pm

I'm so curious what this fabulous set was, please share when you figure it out.

Was it something like this?
https://www.thirdbycee.com/col.....66969

or
https://www.apparalel.com/prod....._ss=r

or
https://alist100.com/collectio.....lette

or
https://byrdnyc.com/products/basixx-set

amother

Buttercup

Mon, May 27 2024, 11:05 pm

I totally don't think it's socially off.

I think it's more socially off when people are weirded out by being asked. It's a pretty normal convo among ladies to ask about these things. If it's a money issue, I would say I got it from a friend or SIL so I'm not sure which store.