Is it socially off...

amother

OP ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 4:52 pm

To ask someone where they purchased an outfit? I teach and I fell in love with an outfit a mother was wearing recently at pickup. (It was a denim two piece, if that matters) I shopped around a bunch of places (junees, fashion island, fallons, etc) and I would really want to know where she got it. Is that socially off? We're friendly and usually shmooze when we bump into each other.

bebrave

Mon, May 27 2024, 4:55 pm

It all depends how you say it. If you're dead cool about it and make it sound like such a normal question then yea but if you feel awkward and sound awkward then don't do it

amother

Slategray

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:18 pm

It's not socially off but as you probably know anything could trigger anyone. I don't think most people would mind but there is always a small percentage that will.

amother

PlumPink

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:18 pm

If someone said to me, I love what you’re wearing, where’d you get it? I’d just feel complimented. Like a poster wrote above, it’s all how you say it.

happy chick

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:18 pm

Some people don't like sharing where they shop. Not something I understand, but I accept it at face value. Hence, I wouldn't.

But you could try to be nonchalant about it and comment on how you love her outfit, so different than what you've recently seen in stores. See if she picks up and shares. Otherwise, let it go.

amother

Brickred ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:21 pm

definately not socially off to ask. I would think she is a little socially off if she doesnt want to answer. super normal and non invasive question

amother

↑ Bergamot ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:21 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Get a picture and google lens the outfit

That's not very nice.

watergirl

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:21 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

I don't like being asked where I bought my or my kids clothing.

Everyone is different. I love when people ask me!

amother

↑ Brickred ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:21 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Get a picture and google lens the outfit

sorry but that is so much less normal than just asking her where she got it

amother

↑ Bergamot

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:23 pm

amother Brickred wrote:

definately not socially off to ask. I would think she is a little socially off if she doesnt want to answer. super normal and non invasive question

I disagree that it's non invasive. Just because it has become normalized, it doesn't mean that it's non invasive.
Many women wear hand me downs, gemach clothing, or shop at Walmart/target and are uncomfortable sharing. Especially in communities where it's looked down upon as nebach.

dankbar

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:26 pm

I think being this relationship of teacher student it is inappropriate question.

I don't always like when people want to know about my clothes or my kids or look into my bags to see what I shopped.

But this relationship should get more professional not like besties

amother

Amaryllis

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:27 pm

I'm perfectly OK being asked this question even when it's a hand me down or a cheap store. It's just clothing, pretty unimportant in the grand scheme of life. You can always say I'm not sure/ I don't remember if you don't want to divulge.

amother

↑ Brickred

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:28 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

if it was me I would tell everyone look what I found in target etc!! and hand me downs I dont see as negative either, I am pretty well off but I still take hand me downs I see that as a win! if it is from a gemach I understand why someone might be embarassed but I still dont think there is anything wrong with the question, if you see the person is uncomfortable, dont push it but it is a very very normal question.

zaq ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:32 pm

Another one of those questions that somebody is bound to post a PSA advising you not to ask. I personally would not be at all offended, and if I got in Goodwill or a hand-me-down from my niece I will cheerfully tell you so. But then, I don't give two hoots about deriving social status from material goods. Nor do I HAVE to shop at Goodwill; I just like to. If I had no choice, I might not be so sanguine about it.

amother

Lightcoral

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:35 pm

I would say I've been looking for something like what you're wearing, do you mind me asking where you bought it. I think most people would be flattered!

Dolly Welsh

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:38 pm

It could get sensitive if she is caught shopping in a cheap place. Money is tight now. You might embarrass her. It might be a place that everybody shops but she might like to keep it vague that she can't afford the better stores.

I would leave it alone.

I hate denim anyway.

amother

Oleander

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:38 pm

amother Lavender wrote:

Get a picture and google lens the outfit

You just taught me something. Never heard of this. I don't love the idea of doing this with other people's clothing but I can use this app for other things. So thank you.

amother

Burgundy

Mon, May 27 2024, 5:52 pm

amother Bergamot wrote:

I will gladly tell you I got it at Walmart and it is now on clearance. How awesome that you like my Walmart outfit and want it too. Happy to help you out to find the outfit and will gladly send you the link or coupon code to help you save you a few dollars.

Not really sure why people need to be so pretentious. Spending a lot on clothing doesn’t make you successful or better than me. Looking great at a fraction of the price is a skill to be proud of.