Wedding or class trip? I'm so upset.

amother

DarkMagenta ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 2:09 pm

It sounds like it's a big deal for you for ds to miss part of the simcha. I get that. Some feel it more than others, esp if its not a huge family and there isn't a simcha every 3 month.

I had exactly this last year. Dd had a trip on the day oc a nephews wedding and we don't have a lot of simchas and it was a shame she missed the chuppa.
But this is how Hashem planned it.

Would I have wanted a child all day and at the chuppa with a long face? Saying, this is what my friends are doing now etc, defenetly not!!!

It'll all work out iy"h...even the weather possibly LOL

amother

DarkKhaki

Tue, May 21 2024, 2:49 pm

amother OP wrote:

Yes so he'll be there for the dinner iyH but he'll miss the chupa, and reception. And likely family pictures. We're a small family though, the thought of him missing the pictures are making me nervous! But he'll go on the trip, go to my sister in law to change, my dh's sister. And hopefully they'll bring him to the hall. If not my dh will go out to fetch him. It's not a follow on , I'm in the UK. The chupa will be at 3 ,or 3.30. I haven't asked my sister as it doesn't really matter. Obviously the later the better.

Do you want a family picture that will remind you for years to come of a little boy that is upset he missed his school trip?
Photographs of a wedding are supposed to capture the wedding. Some people make wedding day into "picture day".

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 2:51 pm

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

No of course not. I'm not sure why you're all picturing me as the bad mum here. It's not all about the pictures. The beginning of the chasuna is where the very close family members linger etc. We'll miss him

amother

↑ Mimosa

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:17 pm

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

Isn't it natural that one is a bit more chilled when they simcha is on the spouse's side?
Are you British by the way? Family nuances with it's dynamics and grandparents getting worked up about showing up doesn't sound classically British. Keep calm and carry on sounds more UK-style.

Well yes. I haven't ever lived anywhere outside Golders Green except in sem. Does that count as British enough for you? And parents and grandparents too, all born in London like since 1850s.
Maybe we're not all stereotypes? And people have feelings. And school trips - they all blend into one to be honest. Who remembers which of the 7 end of primary school trips and events they had by the time they are under the chuppah?
Small families-one person missing is important and missed. Maybe the 1000th great grandchild in some huge family isn't, but this isn't one of those families. What a pile on for the OP

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:22 pm

amother Mimosa wrote:

Thank you fellow Brit Wink

you get me.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:25 pm

Come to think of it, thinking back to the first grandchild , also a niece on my dh's side, it was a major event! The girl cousins were bridesmaids. (I only had boys at this point) That's how exciting, and big of an event it was 😆

amother

Almond

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:27 pm

I'm wondering how your nephew in the same class feels about it. He will have to miss the trip, but might be feeling fairly resentful that the trip.and the wedding came out on the same day. Eleven year old boys don't always think that an older sisters wedding is such an exciting event. (Let alone a cousin's.)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:29 pm

amother Almond wrote:

I'm sure he's very upset to miss it. I haven't asked my sister yet. He'll likely be very jealous of my son that he can go.

There's actually another nephew from the choson's side who's in their class. I asked her if he's going on the trip and coming late, and she said yes , he won't miss the trip for the world. She's also upset though.

amother

↑ Outerspace

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:34 pm

OP, if I were in your shoes I would most likely have my son go on the trip and come late to the wedding. However, I totally understand where you are coming from and why that wasn't the most obvious or automatic solution in this scenario. Some families are extremely close and will feel the absence of a loved one. Lucky you that you belong to such a family!!!

noidea

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

My first niece is getting married iyH. On the same day my son has an end of year trip , a big one , to a theme park!
I saw that my dh had signed the paper that our son will be going to all the trips, and end of year activities (he's going to high school next year iyh so his school do a lot at the end of the year) so my son said 'Daddy said I can miss the chupa (and possibly the pics) and go on the trip.
This wasn't discussed with me, and I'm really upset! We're a small family, ours , and my siblings families. There's not that many grandchildren. I know that my parents will be upset. And I'm going to be so upset if he's not back in time for the pictures!
He won't be the only one missing the trip, if he'd miss it. My nephew (brother of the kalla) is in his class.

Now he's going on the trip because that's what my dh said he can do. He'd be so upset to miss it. So my dh said I should think about what our son wants! This is a big deal in my family. He's from a big family, and there's been so many weddings by now they don't mean all that much to him!

What are your thoughts?

Is picking him up an hour earlier an option ? If you're that small a family you can always grab a few quick pictures later on once he arrives.
Mazal tov !

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

Didn't you say DS is coming later? So what's the "we'll miss him"?

↑ zaq ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:53 pm

So far all I hear is how upset OP is and maybe the grandparents, too. Has anyone asked the kallah? It seems to me that she's the only one aside from the yingel who has any skin in this game. I happen to think that the boy should go on the trip--isn't this his graduation trip, after all? And hasn't he looked forward to it for the past six months at least? And isn't he expecting to be present for what is, despite everyone's thoughts to the contrary, the important part of the festivities, namely being משמח חתן וכלה? I'm not saying the boy should give up the trip if the kallah says she "must" have him there for the chuppah, but I'll bet anything she says he should go on the trip.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:53 pm

noidea wrote:

Is picking him up an hour earlier an option ? If you're that small a family you can always grab a few quick pictures later on once he arrives.
Mazal tov !

Not possible, the trip is far and he'll be going on a coach with his friends. That's one of the most exciting parts anyway! He'll get there when he gets there. It will be a bit of organising but we'll get him to the hall eventually. If it's too much to organise then he'll go to my sil for supper when he gets back from the trip.
And we'll fetch him on our way home. If it's too much for us then do be it. If things are still going strong at the reception, and family is still there for pictures then we can try to make it happen.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:56 pm

zaq wrote:

The kalla won't care. But as I mentioned in one, or more of my posts. This is one major outing but they're going on another pretty big and exciting trip! Plus to the local indoor swimming pool, football. Amongst other fabulous activities.
One is a traditional theme park, the other one is so much fun for kids, especially boys. Google crocky trail, Chester UK

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 3:59 pm

amother OP wrote:

How much does an eleven year old enjoy schmoozing around with aunts and uncles?
If you OP enjoy it that's fine but don't expect kids to see it as the most exiting thing of them day.

amother

↑ Gray

Tue, May 21 2024, 4:01 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

It’s his cousin so in my books a cousin’s wedding is not a bigger priority than a big school event. I’d let him go without even questioning it.

A sane voice. Finally

amother

Seablue

Tue, May 21 2024, 4:01 pm

Op, I get you.
Fellow brit here.

I dont know what I would do in your situation ,but I get both sides.

Having said that, we are lucky its split into 2 so he can definitely be there for part of it.

Also, I fully get you with the husband issue.
I have this alot here.
I dont fully trust my husband so any little slight thing like this really blows me off the top.