Holding Back for Primary

amother

OP ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 12:19 am

My son is in kindergarten right now but we are not sure if he is ready for Primary. I normally don't hesitate at all to hold back if the child isn't ready but my son's birthday is in March which makes it a little more complicated to hold back. If I hold him back that means he'd be having his Bar Mitzvah in 6th grade. I guess my question is if it's heard of at all in Lakewood for 6th graders to have their bar mitzvah? Is it a reason to not hold back? Im so confused on what to do. On one hand I really want to hold him back but on the other hand I'm nervous what it will do to him later on by being so much older then the rest of his class.

amother

Scarlet

Sun, May 19 2024, 12:23 am

I have a sixth grader in Lkwd , it would be weird for a classmate to have already been bar mitzvah in March . Why not try primary and repeat it if needed ?

amother

Aquamarine

Sun, May 19 2024, 12:34 am

what about July? Is is weird for a boy to have a BM right before summer end of 6th grade?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 12:36 am

amother Topaz wrote:

March is very early. Are your concerns academic or social?

Social. He has high functioning ASD and we're not sure if he is ready to be in a classroom setting.

mha3484 ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 12:40 am

Im having a similar dilemma with my daughter and I found talking to the jr high asst principal of the school she will go to, who happens to also be my friend really helpful. Is there someone like that you can talk to?

amother

Seashell ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 12:55 am

I did hold back my ds with hfa. The only difference is he had a September birthday so his bar mitzvah will be at the very beginning of 7th. I do not regret my decision at all. He is still struggling social even with being the oldest of the class.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 12:58 am

amother Seashell wrote:

I've held back my other kids with similar birthdays too but like you said their bar mitzvah will be in 7th grade which isn't an issue. I've never heard of a 6th grade bar mitzvah and I'm really hesitant.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 1:00 am

mha3484 wrote:

Besides his school (preschool and yeshiva), no I don't really have anyone else to ask.

amother

↑ Seashell

Sun, May 19 2024, 1:01 am

amother OP wrote:

I hear you. What does your BCBA think? Also, would you consider a contained classroom for primary and then mainstream in 1st? I just saw an ad for a place like that in the paper.

↑ mha3484 ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 1:04 am

I have a son in 7th who isn't asd but has his share of social and emotional issues. Mazal had it he was born 2 weeks post deadline and is the oldest in his class. If he was in the grade above they would have eaten him alive. So I am very pro make them the oldest but this would be my concern.

A 6th grade bar mitzvah means being the only one with a whole new set of obligations, dress, being bigger and taller then his class. I feel like for a kid with a lot of self confidence they can pull this off, for a child that already feels they don't fit in with their peers I would be hesistant to add an extra layer of “different”.

amother

DarkPurple

Sun, May 19 2024, 3:27 am

My son was bar mitzvah in 6th grade in March. Same concerns. Did great being older. We discussed it with the school it's unusual but not unheard of. They were very supportive and encouraging. My son went through school feeling cool because he did everything age-related first. As long as the school and the teachers help make ur child feel good and proud then go for it. No one made fun or anything like that. It wasn't a surprise, they knew how old he was all along. It's not like he popped up in 6th grade and said surprise here's my bar mitzvah invitation. They all knew when it was coming.

amother

Diamond

Sun, May 19 2024, 3:32 am

How smart is he? If he’s super smart I wouldn’t hold back. You don’t want him bored.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 8:29 am

amother DarkPurple wrote:

Thank you this was very helpful!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, May 19 2024, 8:31 am

amother Diamond wrote:

How smart is he? If he’s super smart I wouldn’t hold back. You don’t want him bored.

He's has his aleph bais down pat but other then that he's not necessarily above average. Hes a slow processor so everything does take him a little longer to catch on

amother

↑ OP

Sun, May 19 2024, 8:32 am

amother Hunter wrote:

Holding back doesn't suddenly solve all issues.

No one ever said it does but it does give him an extra year of preschool which will hopefully help him be more ready for school. It doesn't only affect the primary year. The benefits of holding back can carry over into all his school years.

amother

Broom

Sun, May 19 2024, 8:55 am

It sounds like he would do better if he isn't mainstreamed, but kept in his grade.

amother

Salmon ↓

Mon, May 20 2024, 2:14 pm

I held back my son with high functioning autism+adhd whose bday is in July. He was not ready for primary maturity wise at 5 yrs old. This isn’t about “fixing problems” like someone commented. It’s about meeting your child where he’s at and meeting his needs by having him in a developmentally appropriate placement. My son is bright for his age and top of his class academically in both limudei kodesh+english (he’s more advanced in reading too). But socially/emotionally he is not at age level. Holding him back was the right decision.