How much have your hashkafos changed since you were in sem?

amother

OP ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:47 pm

I totally shtarked out in my BY seminary—was gonna marry a super frum long term learner, live in EY, keep chumras all over the place…then life happened and I’m a lot more chilled out than I used to be. DH is frum and ehrlich and an eved Hashem BH and I’m frum and dress tzanua and cover my hair etc.. We watch clean TV and movies, don’t keep many chumras, are both working on ourselves and trying to grow but without the “shtark gefeel” IYKWIM.

I think seminary-age me (and maybe some sem teachers, lol) would be horrified at current me. But I’m a lot more emotionally healthy and have more of a relationship with Hashem than I did 15 or so years back.

Wondering if there are others here who can relate!

amother

Almond

Thu, May 02 2024, 12:50 pm

Completely relate
And my husband has chilled out so much since yeshiva as well
We are both much happier where we are now

amother

Celeste

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:23 pm

I had the opposite experience. In seminary, I used to argue with the teachers about almost anything and everything hashkafically. I wanted to be educated, went college , only dated working men. After I had children, I realized I was wrong and now became much frummer internally and externally. I don’t live the learning lifestyle , but I now I think that maybe it’s the way to go. I don’t think my seminary teachers would believe it either.

amother

Valerian

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:29 pm

This really needs a poll OP, can you add one?

My sem year had me in a state of artificial ruchniyus. I changed, "frummed out" but not in a real way, looking back. It was too fast, and too much. Within 3 years of being back BH I slowly went back to who I was in 12th grade, which was a healthy, mature, solid, hashkaficly sound girl. I was so balanced then-there was nothing that needed "frumming out".
Im also embarassed to say that what I absorbed in my sem year had me looking down on other frum people...looking back, it was really not a good mindset.

Im so happy I changed back

amother

Papaya

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:31 pm

I feel really good about my hashkafa now, B”H. Careful with a lot of things. One thing I have noticed is that I became much more practical . There is so much going on. Like I used to worry whether deodorant was kosher for Pesach. I still worry a bit about that kind of thing but now it’s eclipsed by the fact that I am cooking a ton, and planning menus, and would an alcoholic on a ship really want to drink my spray deodorant? So it became less pressing. Same with the idea of men “learning forever” … when I hear it I just feel kind of bad for the wives because it’s not so practical and they might resent it at my age (late 40s). So my Judaism has become wholesome, family friendly, and very practical.

amother

Navy

Thu, May 02 2024, 1:33 pm

I'm pretty similar. I did start out living in israel and it didn't work out for a few reasons so I moved back. Still wish it had worked out. My husband is not a long term learner because we needed more money. But if we didn't have all these needs my hashkafos would still be the same. Frumkeit wise I didn't lower anything at all.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Thu, May 02 2024, 2:27 pm

amother Valerian wrote:

Poll added! Smile

amother

Tan

Thu, May 02 2024, 2:31 pm

I voted that I have the same hashkafos I had in seminary but the hashkafos I had in seminary were not the ones the seminary was espousing. I went to a very BY sem but was totally not interested in living a machmir life or having a kollel husband.

amother

Apple

Sat, May 18 2024, 11:06 pm

lamplighter wrote:

My hashkafos and values are the same but their application is different due to real life.

I agree with this. Voted option 2

amother

Candycane

Sat, May 18 2024, 11:12 pm

I’ll be the first then.
Seminary was amazing for me hashkafically bH. I did go to a place that encouraged thinking on your own, questions were okay, etc. So what I gained wasn’t shallow and ‘fed’ to me. I gained a lot emotionally as well as my relationship with Hashem. It was also hard for me, but I came out a much better, healthier, connected person.
BH I’m living the life I wanted. Practically I haven’t held on to every little piece, but I knew that then. Do I want to be more connected? Yes! But BH life is busy. When was the is time I actually learned something?! But I strive for growth and will BE’H get there.

amother

Dandelion

Sat, May 18 2024, 11:18 pm

amother Celeste wrote:

Same. I see it a lot with us girls who argued and fought with the teachers about everything- we end up becoming really shtark and changing a lot internally years later.

I was very against the idea of parents supporting. Now if my children or sons in law want to sit and learn, I will make their support a priority because I truly believe in the importance of full time learning.

amother

Hydrangea ↓

Sat, May 18 2024, 11:22 pm

Im pretty much the same. But I think a lot more about why I do or dont do certain things.
It was actually a certain class in seminary that got me questioning my entire faith in Hashem. And Im so grateful thst I was in a seminary that not only was ok with my questions but encouraged them.

amother

↑ Hydrangea

Sat, May 18 2024, 11:29 pm

amother Aqua wrote:

For those that went to seminaries that encouraged questions, which sem was that?

Mine was almost 30 years ago. But it no longer exists. And was a MO one.

essie14

Sat, May 18 2024, 11:31 pm

Seminary made me want to live in Israel and Bh I did make aliyah.
Never wanted to marry a kollel guy. My sem didn't preach it.

amother

Powderblue

Sat, May 18 2024, 11:41 pm

I think it depends how much you changed during seminary.

I went to seminary with the same exact hashkafos that I came out of seminary with (15 years ago) and I am in the same place all these years later.