What’s your opinion about this invite? update pg 4

amother

DarkMagenta

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 1:35 pm

amother Chocolate wrote:

I'll be the odd one out and say definitely go if you are up to it! What ever happened to kibbud av vaem??? Noone said it's always easy to do! If your parents/in laws are elderly they probably don't have the ability to do more than they offered!

Happens to be, I have similar situation, with in laws living overseas and the last time we went for pesach, my mother in law begged us to stay by them, and eat every meal by them! But we refused because she is getting older and don't want her to have that extra burden and pressure (they have many other couples as well that come throughout pesach), so we rented an apartment near them and told her that we are only coming for the pesach meals. For everything else, we managed just fine b'h. We bought a crock pot and cooked meals for in between - erev Pesach/chol hamoed/second day etc...
My mother in law probably felt guilty, but we kept calming her down that this is best for everyone. As is, she spends her days and nights in her kitchen, how on earth would she manage with grandkids all over and have to worry about three meals every day for them?!?!

it’s very different when you know that you’re wanted….

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 4:05 pm

Just reminding everyone I’m not upset by the invite. I’m just processing if this is something we should do or not.

In real life most think that the invite is as good as it gets, and along with kibbud av and being with family I should do it this once- which technically is an easy year for me when it comes to babies and no marrieds yet, but kids are getting older…

I think I’m in a good place mentally to know that while feeling like the giver in the sitch I have to act like the receiver and be all thankful….hop I will pull through if I go.

amother

Waterlily

Fri, Feb 09 2024, 4:22 pm

I didn’t read through the whole thread but some of you are being so harsh on OPs parents. Pesach is very hectic time. Shabbos is literally a day before pesach and kids are not the neatest at eating bread especially that there’s 3 meal. Kids can be overwhelming, loud, messy, wild and if you’re not used to it then it’s a lot to deal over the whole holiday especially if you have a small apartment.
I think her parents are being very fair. They want her to come but it’s too much to have them 24/7 for 2 weeks. Also shopping and cooking for 2 people is a whole lot easier than for a family. It’s hard work and tiring. Even if her parents aren’t old it still isn’t easy to host.
I would definitely go. It’s very nice of your parents to have you over.

amother

Offwhite

Sat, Feb 10 2024, 1:08 pm

amother Amaryllis wrote:

This doesn't seem like a healthy relationship.
It's understandable to be expected to pay for tickets. But to expect your kids to find & pay for accommodations, and only come for meals strictly on pesach, doesn't seem like a healthy relationship to me.

Why so harsh?
My in laws are in their late 70s. they don't have money. They love us very dearly, would love us to come and be with them but they can't afford to do more than they are offering. The invitation is: We'd love to see you and have you for main meals. Can you swing the rest? Nothing unhealthy there.

ra_mom

Sat, Feb 10 2024, 7:06 pm

amother OP wrote:

You sound really positive, and if that's the case, it will be wonderful for you and your family.
Enjoy the family memories!

Last edited by ra_mom on Sun, Feb 11 2024, 12:53 am; edited 1 time in total

amother

Daisy

Sun, Feb 11 2024, 12:53 am

Our family lives in a different state, a flight or multi-day drive away. It's not overseas, and I get that that has added complications, including costs.
We're the only ones who live in our state, all siblings and parents live there.

We can't always go away for yom tov on our end. We try to go every 1-2 years (between yom tov, simchas, or school vacations.) so our kids can get to know their cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles,

As our family grows, bh, and the dynamics of grandparents house change, (due space, stage and other factors) it's not so simple as just 'going for yom tov, staying by bubby' any more.

Over the years...

We have gone for Pesach, and rented our own accommodations.
All Yom tov meals we were hosted, and between siblings, also most chol hamoed lunches and dinners, but I didn't want to be dependant on it.
I brought along a crock pot and a Betty crocker (fleishig), a peeler, knife, fork and spoon.
One sibling added some stuff to their meat order for us. We shopped for produce, eggs, some milchigs ( most of us don't eat it on pesach, only the younger kids) when we got there.

We made eggs and potatoes for breakfast, burgers for lunch, chicken cutlets for dinner, sweet potatoes, fried potatoes, all in the Betty.

Put up apples overnight in the crock pot for apple sauce, potatoes in the morning for mashed potatoes at supper time.
A chicken soup erev yom tov so the kids don't have to ready for the meal to eat.
And a cholent for shabbos afternoon supper.

I can't remember about shabbos hagadol, if the kvius that year was such that we needed to be there before, but in other years we ate at one of the siblings who wasn't really making pesach. Or you can just buy take out. Or some shuls host meals, maybe you can join.

We went for shvuos one year, because it fell right after memorial day, so there was basically a whole week off from school, so it was worth it to go for a week, and minimal school was missed.

We've also gone for the summer for a few weeks, rented accommodations, put the kids in camp etc. Instead of "going to the country " we went to x. We took care of ourselves, but also spent time with family in a regular life setting type of way.

It's normal for family to want to see you and not be able to fully accommodate you.
And it's normal for you to take all things into consideration and make a decision that works for you.

Hatzlacha with your decision, and with your trip, if that's what you decide to do.

amother

↑ Lawngreen

Fri, Mar 22 2024, 10:26 am

amother OP wrote:

Update:
So just forgot to update you all and figured you would like to know.
After making the decision to accept the invite, I received a phone call very formally disinviting me.

They’re having an issue with their kitchen and can’t have us in the end!

What a roller coaster in my brain! But guess the decision has been made for us!

Well… that makes things a little easier then.
Enjoy your Yom Tov hopefully without any pressure.