This girl is a test of my patience!!

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amother

OP ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 7:04 am

This girl is a test of my patience! And I am afraid I am failing !!
I teach at a mainstream BY HS. However, I have one student who probably belongs in special Ed. I have plenty of other girls with learning disabilities, and I am all for Inclusion, if possible, but this girl can't shut her mouth ! Ok, she doesn't talk the whole period, but everything she says rubs me the wrong way. "Can I leave?" Just out of nowhere. Goes to bathroom and on way back to seat stops at her friends.... Gets up and goes to her locker and puts away her stuff... Obviously not taking notes....I try to ignore the things that aren't disruptive, but the talking back just gets to me. "Can I change my seat?" "But I hate my seat, please?" "I can't leave?" "Can I be dismissed early?" Etc... Arggghgggg

amother

Ginger

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 7:08 am

Talk to the guidance counselor and/or head of resource room to discuss getting her the support she needs. All schools today have at least one of those if not both although I know some schools use different titles for those jobs.

amother

Slategray

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 7:13 am

Oy, that's really tough. I think she wants something from you that she's not getting- and it's very hard to give to her whilst you're teaching. Do you have a rapport with her? Is she mature enough that you can open a dialogue with her?

amother

Garnet ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 7:19 am

I hear ya! I have one of those too! School is utterly unresponsive when I tell them she’s MIA because she walked out of my class and isn’t back yet. I just cover my bases with a paper trail of emails to the parents and admin and keep begging them to get her the help she needs.

yachnabobba ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 7:40 am

Something about this post is very painful to me.
This girl may benefit from special ed but doesn’t belong in it.
She needs some gentle training in social cues and you can save yourself some agmas nefesh if you view her as your responsibility instead of a girl that got dumped in your class.

amother

Burgundy

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 7:45 am

amother OP wrote:

Why cant you just say "sure" when she says "can I leave"?
So she stops at her friends seat on the way back to her friends? Let it be. How long is it for, a few seconds?
She gets up to go to her locker? Its HARD for some girls to sit still for so long. Let her be.
"Can I change my seat? But I hate my seat, please...." is not talking back, in my book. It aounds like ahe is overly restless, wants some good conversation or anything to lift her boredom.
I had no special needs at all, was a straight A student and I felt like jumping out of my skin during highschool. The constant sitting, it was just too much!
She really doesnt sound like shes chutzpadik or trying to be rude.
Relax your reigns a bit. It doesnt need to be a power struggle

amother

↑ Garnet ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 7:47 am

yachnabobba wrote:

The problem is when you only teach them a small part of the day (a period or two in most high schools), you can’t waste the entire class’s time to deal with teaching this 1 kid what she’s missing. I used to have this philosophy of helping the kid fill in the gaps, but then I realized it wasn’t fair to the rest of the class that I kept giving them busy work or leave them watching a video so I could deal with those 1 or two. And those one or two don’t want to come meet with a teacher during lunch

↑ yachnabobba

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 8:15 am

amother Garnet wrote:

You did not understand what I said- just tell her something like, when you need a break raise your hand whilst holding your pen. And remember she has a tzelem elokim

amother

Mint ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 8:30 am

My son is a little like this.

He has ADHD and also many years of being yelled at by teachers or being completely ignored, never complimented and failing through school. This is his way of being seen.

amother

↑ Garnet ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 8:31 am

yachnabobba wrote:

You did not understand what I said- just tell her something like, when you need a break raise your hand whilst holding your pen. And remember she has a tzelem elokim

That 100% works for some kids. That’s the status quo in my class. But for some kids it doesn’t. And it sounds like this kid is one of the doesn’t. And the sense I get is OP has tried all the usual tips and tricks.

amother

↑ Garnet

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 8:34 am

amother Mint wrote:

Please get your son help then before he totally falls through the cracks and loses all motivation. Teachers do their best, but remember in the classroom, your son is one of 20 or 30, so the teacher is limited in what she can do.

amother

Outerspace ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 8:43 am

My daughter has such a girl sitting in back of her and it's super bothersome for the students around her also. The schools and parents have to figure out a way for girls like this not to be bothersome to other students also.

amother

↑ Mint ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 9:22 am

amother Garnet wrote:

BH he is in a better environment this year. That wasn't the point. The point was that there can be years of pain behind this behavior and a diagnosable issue beyond learning disabilities. Some kids are very impulsive. And immature. And I'm assuming this is 9th or 10th grade

amother

Maroon ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 9:25 am

amother Outerspace wrote:

Sometimes other students need to learn to be more tolerant. In life, you can't just chuck people out because their mannerisms annoy you.

amother

Silver

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 9:27 am

Op, can you actively try to love her?
Once your heart softens to her you will be able to reach her and find better ways for her and you to cope.

One of my children is the kid who dances to her own rhythm.... she's a really good kid. Smart and sweet. Very respectful and obedient (well at school at least. lol) in her 7 years of school all her teachers absolutely LOVED her.
Until she had a teacher who couldn't stand her guts.
The amount of damage that teacher did! Wow. Not just in school but socially. The girls picked it up and started bullying her. Her confidence was as low as the ground and then the bullying continues on the bus and migrated to the neighborhood.
She always had good friends and loved school. She would make friends with anyone wherever she went. Always finding a point of connection and have fun.
Up until that year. She became a shell of herself.
She was always late and skipped school often towards the end of the year. And undidnt care. I felt horrible sending her to school.
She's an extremely bright kid but was failing her grades left and right. Recourse room sent her back saying she's the brightest student she's ever encountered. The school sent her for evaluations. At 9 years she scored like a 15 year old would.
I tried talking to the teacher, the principal she's such a dolly (were related. I know her) she genuinely couldn't fathom that such a thing exists.
It's a few years later lots of work and tefilos and she's finally getting her confidence back. She's finally upset if she misses a bus and does her homework. She finally is able to call a classmate after school and calls them her "friends" rather than classmate busmate..... The classes were mixed up this year so she got a fresh. It was a bit of rough start at first cuz she felt unworthy of anyone's attetion but slowly she saw that they do like her. (No surprise there. She's a precious kid)

So please please please try to see where and how you can love that child.

Years ago my relative was opening a school and interviewing teachers. He hired many questionable choices..... poeple were surprised. He said you can teach them skills but you can't teach them to have a heart....
And that's how it was.

I'm not saying don't look for more technical support and ideas but heart. Abissala hartz.

Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 9:32 am

amother Maroon wrote:

Sometimes other students need to learn to be more tolerant. In life, you can't just chuck people out because their mannerisms annoy you.

No. Just no. I respectfully disagree.
Why should the other students who (hopefully) are quiet and (hopefully) want to learn need to tolerate disruptive behaviour? Why? What makes you think it's OK to disrupt a while class?

amother

↑ Maroon ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 9:34 am

Bnei Berak 10 wrote:

It's not okay to disrupt the class, but that doesn't mean it's okay to just throw away a whole person because some of their behaviors bother you. Sometimes the class can adapt.

Sometimes the class is so easily disrupted because the way it's "supposed" to function is too rigid and only works for the slight majority to begin with.

amother

Wandflower

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 9:38 am

I can’t understand why more parents don’t put their children in speacial schools-the classes are smaller, it’s geared to their level. Your child can shine instead of being labeled the troubled girl… signed a mom whose child attends a speacial school.

amother

↑ Maroon ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 9:38 am

People leave their carefully curated classrooms, where everyone who's different has been taken out and sent to special ed, and they're shocked to find that in the real world, different people exist, including disabled people. This has a profound negative impact on society as a whole because it contributes to abled people not seeing disabled people as their peers and not prioritizing accessibility in the choices they make in life.

↑ Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Tue, Nov 07 2023, 9:42 am

amother Maroon wrote:

Nobody days to throw away anyone as a while person.
Unfortunately classes are not a one-on-one tutoring which can be adapted to each and every student individually. It doesn't work that way.
That's why there is special education.

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