Sleep away camp mom anxiety

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 12:23 am

My son left to camp on Tuesday. Parents can call tomorrow afternoon. How do I know if my son is ok?? There should be some kind of communication with staff or something so I know he's safe and settled in and I can sleep at night!!!
Camp is amazing and wonderful and great, but this is my child and I need to know that everything is ok.

amother

Yolk

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 1:56 am

A lot of camps will post pictures regularly, I used to compulsively check to see when new ones were going up to make sure my kids are okay Smile

Now I'm an old-timer and I've learned that they are okay, and if they're not they will find a way to let me know. Especially nowadays all the counselors have cell phones, they can ask them to text me if there is an issue.

amother

Teal ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 2:24 am

I actually think it's inappropriate for camps to restrict children's access to their parents. Do they still make pay phones? Campers should be allowed to use a camp phone of some sort. Just stick a basic phone on a wall and allow campers to access it for 50 cents a call. Why is it okay to cut off communication? It's just weird. Social norms are weird sometimes. I think this specific social norm will probably shift in due time. It isn't hard to install a few camp phones in the lobby.

amother

Feverfew ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 9:54 am

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

There are phones. They just are not allowed to use them the first week.

It's very healthy.

amother

↑ Feverfew

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 9:57 am

amother [ OP ] wrote:

I could have sworn there was a very similar thread first half! Wink

You'll be ok. Your kid will be ok
This separation is healthy for both of you.

(Don't be surprised or worried if he doesn't jump to call you at first availability, or even skips a few or a bunch of phone calls. Prepare yourself because it causes an ache, but is actually a GREAT sign that he's happy)

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 10:08 am

amother [ Feverfew ] wrote:

There are phones. They just are not allowed to use them the first week.

It's very healthy.

Not in the camps I send to. No phone access except on Fridays in a rush using a staff member's phone.

As for it being "very healthy" to restrict access to phones for the first week- I agree and disagree all at the same time. I think there is something positive about encouraging independence in children. But there is a flip side. There are instances where a child should be allowed to reach home. Restricting access can be problematic.

↑ seeker ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 1:16 pm

The camp I sent to is very old school - no whatsapp picture updates, counselors absolutely do not have phones. But campers are allowed to call home. I think there are designated times like erev Shabbos everyone gets a turn, but they do have some level of access at other times. I think they make it inconvenient because it wouldn't be healthy for them to spend the whole summer phoning home, but it is available.

I think if the first week is a full week, then waiting a whole week to check in with home is very long especially for first timers. But if camp starts on Tuesday or Wednesday and they're calling home on Friday, that feels reasonable to me. It's good for kids to stretch into their own space a little.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 1:33 pm

seeker wrote:

That makes sense. And I agree. As long as campers have some level of regular access so they can call home if necessary, I am fine with it. Making it somewhat inconvenient to use the phone is fine with me. As long as there is access if necessary. That's how it was when I went to camp.

But, for ex, my friend has a daughter in a camp that doesn't allow phone calls home until the SECOND Friday. They don't allow phone calls the first week b'chlal. The first week was a short week, it started on Wed I think? But to require that the parents wait until the second Friday of camp to hear from their children seems ridiculous and unfair. It's not a reasonable policy.

amother

Daylily ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 1:37 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

They are upfront from the start, so if you have an issue with a camp's phone policy it's up to you not to send. Why are you sending to camps that you don't agree with.

My daughter is in camp, she left on wednesday and we can't call until today. We have a 45 minute calling time daily, and the whole afternoon on friday. Am I wondering if she settled in and doing ok yes I am. But I also know it's healthy for both of us for her to navigate this maturely and not have me breathing down her back.

↑ seeker ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 2:52 pm

OK I agree, not letting them call until the SECOND Friday is really harsh. Sure we want kids to be independent but I don't see how this helps anyone. Let them check in once and then move on to independence.

About policies being upfront, not necessarily. I mean I guess if you make a point of making a bunch of phone calls before applying you will probably find out, though you won't think of ALL the questions to ask. But a lot of these details aren't offered until closer to camp.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 3:01 pm

amother [ Daylily ] wrote:

Phone policy is not the first question parents think to ask.

"Why send to a place with a policy you don't agree with" is kind of gaslighting the complexities of parents feelings. You don't choose a camp based on phone policy, and it's okay to advocate for restructuring a phone policy you aren't comfortable with.

With that said, my kids have had some phone access. Cool

But I don't send to camp til they are a bit older. I don't like to send younger kids. Especially in light of some of these bizarre phone policies.... I think many camps are more chilled about phone privileges with the older division. At least from what I can tell. Full disclosure - I have spoken to my kids in camp already- and not just today (Friday). Just very brief phone calls to make sure they were settling in okay- definitely nothing that is getting in the way of their independence. Smile

They are certainly not calling me for long shmoozes. But a brief phone call home is a reasonable expectation. In general, the mesivta/high school programs of sleepaway camps seem to be a little more flexible with phone privileges than the younger divisions are.

amother

↑ Daylily ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 3:09 pm

amother [ Teal ] wrote:

But I don't send to camp til 7th/8th grade. I don't like to send younger kids. Especially in light of some of these bizarre phone policies.... I think the camps in general are more chilled about phone privileges with the older kids. At least from what I can tell. I've spoken to my kids in camp already. Just very brief phone calls to make sure they were settling in okay- definitely nothing that is getting in the way of their independence. Smile

They are certainly not calling me for long shmoozes. They're having fun in camp! But a brief phone call home is a reasonable expectation. In general, the mesivta/high school programs of sleepaway camps are a little more flexible with phone privileges than the younger divisions are.

That doesn’t make sense sorry. If there is something you are passionate about like phone access you find out. It’s 100% on you to do your due diligence. Do you know what gaslighting means? You are using it incorrectly. Someone pointing out that you could have prevented something is not gaslighting.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 3:11 pm

amother [ Daylily ] wrote:

You seem nice.

Have a good Shabbos!

↑ seeker ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 5:16 pm

Our options are limited. I'm more passionate about:
Jewish values approximately aligned with mine
General safety - gated campus with full time security agents, responsible attitude toward food allergies, etc.
Low-maintenance clientele (no kids feeling less-than because they don't have the right logo on their sweater, because no one has logos on their sweater)
Being able to get in, that's not exactly a passion but it is a requisite...

If something checks all those boxes and has one policy I find bizarre, if it's a serious safety concern then I'm out but short of that I hope for the best AND reserve the right to kvetch to friends and ask the admin to consider changing it while realizing that they probably won't and therefore I would continue to kvetch to friends, who will validate my anxiety while reassuring me that the kids are fine, because what are friends for anyway.

amother

↑ Teal ↓

Fri, Jul 29 2022, 5:28 pm

seeker wrote:

LOL exactly Thumbs Up

I hope you got to hear from your child today (cuz it's Friday) and I hope all is well!!!