DS refusing to make

↑ Mama Bear ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 11:42 pm

chavamom wrote:

Mama Bear wrote:

* When he has an accident, he goes to 'time out' in the corner, and tell him that you are so disappointed because a big boy like him should tell Mommy before he needs to go.

Tefila wrote:

Quote:

When he has an accident, he goes to 'time out' in the corner, and tell him that you are so disappointed because a big boy like him should tell Mommy before he needs to go

But in all defence of mama bear she does know her child better then we do so perhaps what works for her would not work for another. Imo punishment for that at such a young age is not my cup of tea.

That is why I wrote to her that this was MY method. Not that she shoudl do it.

sorry but I dont think a 2 1/2 yar old is too young for punishment or discipline. That's how they grow up spoiled and running the house, if they think they can do whatever they want, whenevr they want.

Also, my methods are for someone who is TIME CONSTRAINED like I and bestmom are, whenw e dont have time for months and months of non stop accidents and have to see this through a.s.a.p. the only way to impress on them that it's wrong to make an accident is to gently tell them that they shouldnt do it. Hey I know of people that give PETCH when there is an accident! I'm not advocating doing that!

if you have LOADS OF TIME for trainingn to happen, fine. but if you need to send the child to cheder, you just dont have the luxury of waiting around for them to 'get' it.

I'm just trying to help bestmom out by telling her my method. she doesnt have to adopt it.

↑ bubble gum

Thu, May 15 2008, 12:31 am

Mamma Bear, I sympathize with ur pressure to toilet train in such a short time frame. In most cases everything will work out fine- but sometimes the pressure on the child can have an adverse affect as the potential negativity may cause the child to completely refuse to toilet train! Also, I agree with u that its important to discipline at young age- but only if the child really was in control and had accident anyways. If child is not fully toilet trained yet, and is still getting used to using toilet, punishing them for an accident doesnt really serve any purpose because they'll still do it again! And again, the negaitvity may turn them off!

But anyways, thats just my 2 cents and of course eveyone has to know theyre child and do what makes sense for them!

Good luck!

↑ Mama Bear ↓

Thu, May 15 2008, 9:45 am

chavamom wrote:

I don't think most of us disagree that a 2 1/2 y.o. is too young for "time outs" or the like, but for potty accidents? It's kind of like giving your child a time-out for falling when learning to walk. This is a developmental milestone and they all hit it at their own pace.

bubble gum wrote:

Read what I wrote. No discipliningn for the first couple of days. When a child is still learning what it feels like to 'hold it in', that's not necessary. but, my sonny boy already KNEW the ropes and thsi was just a power struggle. So repeated days of rebuke was what he needed to see taht I was VERY SERIOUS about this and this is SERIOSU BUSINESS adn not some game he can play with me. From what I gather from bestmom, her child is the same age as mine and also is doing this on purpose, so I just told her my method. This doesnt work for every child, and I repeat, 'punishing' is NOT for the first few days when the child is still learning the ropes, but for when s/he is making accidents out of spite or laziness.

Good luck bestmom!

shalhevet

Thu, May 15 2008, 10:00 am

I agree 100% with chavamom, Tefila and bubblegum.

Mama Bear wrote:

Read what I wrote. No discipliningn for the first couple of days. When a child is still learning what it feels like to 'hold it in', that's not necessary. but, my sonny boy already KNEW the ropes

But why, oh why, are you punishing him? If a child falls over after he's already been walking for a week, would you punish him? Learning a new skill - any new skill - takes time. Imagine you were learning a new language and your teacher punished you every time you made a mistake that she'd already corrected twice.

Quote:

and thsi was just a power struggle.

A two year old doesn't know how to stop the power struggle. You do.

Quote:

So repeated days of rebuke was what he needed to see taht I was VERY SERIOUS about this and this is SERIOSU BUSINESS adn not some game he can play with me. From what I gather from bestmom, her child is the same age as mine and also is doing this on purpose, so I just told her my method. This doesnt work for every child, and I repeat, 'punishing' is NOT for the first few days when the child is still learning the ropes, but for when s/he is making accidents out of spite or laziness.

Why are you so convinced that he has accidents out of spite, laziness or on purpose??? My 3.5 year old has been trained since last summer, but still has accidents every couple of days - I wouldn't dream of punishing him. Mamabear, try and relax and decide to let him go at his own pace. You are making things miserable for both of you. What I see in common between you and bestmom is that both of YOU are under pressure to 'get him trained' in such and such an amount of time. The fact that he now knows the ropes is proof that the punishments and pressure are slowing things down, otherwise why wouldn't he want to please you? Leave him alone, and you might well find he is moreorless trained in a few days.

↑ Mama Bear

Thu, May 15 2008, 12:11 pm

shalhevet wrote:

I agree 100% with chavamom, Tefila and bubblegum.

Mama Bear wrote:

Read what I wrote. No discipliningn for the first couple of days. When a child is still learning what it feels like to 'hold it in', that's not necessary. but, my sonny boy already KNEW the ropes

Quote:

and thsi was just a power struggle.

A two year old doesn't know how to stop the power struggle. You do.

Quote:

My mother just got on my case that I'm NOT ADMONISHING HIM ENOGUH AND THIS IS WHY HE IS STILL TESTING ME. Completely the opposite from what you are saying.

You dont know my son. If I just let it 'go', he will never stop the accidents. I tried this method before. what did it do ? 11 weeks of wasted time and heartache,a nd back in diapers. Just 'leaving him alone' means he will just make in his underpants, all day. He knows exactly waht he needs to do, and he's not cooperating because "he wants to show me who's boss."

Everyone needs to use their own siechel when it comes to their own child. Sorry, you dont know my son. He absolutely knows what he needs to do, as evidenced by the fact that he spent almsot a full day dry and asking and doing the correct thing, and a day later he's back to not caring that much anymore. The responsibility has to be on HIM, not on me, and I have to keep reminding him of that.

I did not mention that in between when I do his dry-pants checks, I priase him to the skies and tell him how proud of him I am and waht a big boy he is. I do not sit around and scold him all day. he only gets scolded for accidents.

I've been training him for 2 whole weeks. it's not the first, second, or thrid day. He has alread 'leanred the skill' - he just needs to obey now, that's \all.

ETA:

Shalhevet I just reread your post. For one accident every couple of days I wouldnt yell either!!! but when it's four accidents in three hours, that's a whole other story. When hes just sat on the potty for half an hour with books, toys and dvds, and has not made, and when I say "Okay, youre done on the potty" and turn around to put his pants on, and he stands up and pees on the floor - that's certainly spite. he did it twice today.