DS refusing to make

bestmom ↓

Mon, May 12 2008, 4:08 pm

My son is gonna be 3 in sept. and I decided that I'd train him now.Anyway he was off his pamper from 7:30 this morning and made on his potty at 11:30 and hasnt made again!!! I put him into bed at 6:00 cuz he was not normally tired and begged for a bed. how many hours can he hold it in? Besides when he did make that one time he happened to have been sitting on the potty since 9:30 and it just came out on its own. He refuses to make and gets not normally cranky!! Any advice???

yo'ma

Mon, May 12 2008, 4:14 pm

My son also held it (#1) all day, until he couldn't and then we had a puddle no matter how many times I put him on. He got out of it pretty quickly, but he was over 3.

Mama Bear ↓

Mon, May 12 2008, 4:22 pm

WOWWW to hold it in all day?>??? My son keeps making accidents in his pants all day! be prepared for a really soeaked diaper in the morning..

PS Did he drink at all today?

Esther23

Mon, May 12 2008, 8:14 pm

Hi there

, it would be a good idea to give him a lot to drink while training him so that he'll have to go and won't be able to hold it in for so long. Hang in there, it's a hard parsha trying to train stubborn boys. Good luck and I hope it'll be better tomorrow!

drumjj ↓

Mon, May 12 2008, 11:38 pm

well my daughter has been trained now for about six months and she wont do a number 2 in the toilet at all im really struggling with it and always asks for a diaper or holds it in till she goes to bed and wears one. I wish I had an answer to this aswell but I dont

Ima'la

Mon, May 12 2008, 11:43 pm

My kids also had this hang-up. What helped was putting a diaper on and letting them make on the toilet with a diaper on. Same familiar feel of a diaper, but gradually acclimates them to going on the toilet. We only did that a few times and then they were able to go on the toilet.

chavamom ↓

Mon, May 12 2008, 11:57 pm

drumjj wrote:

It's a very common problem. read more here.

↑ drumjj

Tue, May 13 2008, 12:06 am

thanks chava I know its a common problem and im just letting her do what she wants at the moment, she isnt even three and a half yet so im hoping with time it will improve every so often she will shock us and do one on the toilet and not do it again for a while. also I dont want her to get constipated so I let her but I read the tips and ill try them thanks alot

↑ bestmom ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 4:28 pm

my sons toilet training is terrible!!!!! its been 4 days of no progress at all.I figured out that the issue with him holding it in is only if he sits on the potty. Lately he refuses to go on the potty or toilet and makes all over the place. Im so frustrated already he wouldnt even tell me that its coming out so I dont even have a chance to put him on the toilet which is a fight in itself. Im soooo exhausted already and I feel like giving up but I know I cant. And by the way once I do get him to sit on the potty with alot of fighting then he wont make for hours.
Sorry for sounding so cranky I just need to vent alittle. Thanks for listening

↑ chavamom ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 4:31 pm

If it's a fight, please, for both of your sanity, give it up and try again in a month or so.

↑ bestmom

Wed, May 14 2008, 4:38 pm

but I did that already I started before pesach and just started again I dont want to be busy with it in the summer and right after that he gets payis and a'h goes to cheder. So basically nows my only time

↑ chavamom ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 6:03 pm

Voice of experience here - and I learned it the hard way though it is supported by the "experts" out there - if they don't want to, it ain't happening. It's one of those few things where they have the ultimate control and you cannot make them do anything they don't want to. He's still quite young, esp. for a boy, regardless of timing, peyos or cheder.

↑ chavamom ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 6:05 pm

From Dr. Sears's website:

Quote:

1. Toilet-training is a partnership, with proper roles assigned to each person. You can lead a baby to the bathroom, but you can't make him go.

↑ Mama Bear ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 7:20 pm

Bestmom - hi. My sonny boy will be 3 in av iYH and he raelly needs to start cheder in sivan. I restarted toilet training a week anda half ago and there has been very slow, sure, and steady progress. Toilet training is mommy draining. it's very difficult. You MUST relax and take the pressure off yourself. IYh soon I'll type out my methods that I used. I'm taking a dinnner break and will be back soon iyh.

qeenB

Wed, May 14 2008, 7:47 pm

if a child doesnt want to do it they just wont. every kid is different . there are a few ways to do it. with my first we just waited until he was nearly three and then had him trained in one week. my second trained himself when he was between 2 and 2 and a half. yes it took about 4 months but he did it on his own because he wanted to. it was the long easy way. my first was the short hard way. my third looks like he is going to be like my big one. I can sit him on the toilet and nothing. he gets off and goes into the corner and out it comes. the kids know when you feel pressured and then give you a harder time. just relax about it and tell yourself when he is ready it will work very quickly. (hopefully!)

↑ Mama Bear ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 7:57 pm

Listen, bestmom. ppl like us are under major pressure because we dont have the 'luxury' of waiting til the kid is ready, because we have to send to cheder... playgroup ends at a certain point...

I tried to toilet train my sonny boy for 11 whole weeks, it was like talking to the wall. I put the potties away for 2 months, restarted training now in iyaar, and while he's not fully trained yet and not ready for cheder, we are making slow progress. he is 'getting' it now.

here is waht I did:

* Put up a piece of cardboard on the wall. Every time your son goes potty, he gets to put stickers on the cardboard.

* Put your son in training underpants - no pullups.

* Put him on the potty EVERY FORTY FIVE MINUTES for the first 7 or so hours of the day. sit with him for 5-10 minutes. I bought new games and toys for him, and every potty session I took out a different toy, puzzle, dvd, book, whatever.

* If he goes successfully, praise him to the hilt. dance with him. hug & kiss him. put the stars on the cardboard. He gets a nosh of his choice.

* When he has an accident, the first day or two just admonish/remind him that big boys dont make in their pants.

* After 2 or so days of this, check his underpants with him EVERY 10 MINUTES, congratulate him if it's dry, and do the sticker/small treat routine (it can be a chocolate chip or jellybean). Slowly he will get the concept and responsibility of keeping dry.

* When he has an accident, he goes to 'time out' in the corner, and tell him that you are so disappointed because a big boy like him should tell Mommy before he needs to go.

Above all, DONT GIVE UP and DONT GET FRAZZLED. Kids can sense when the parents are pressured and nervous and it turns into a power struggle.

I have to have this down pat in 3 weeks - my son HAS to start cheder in sivan. So I'm even more pressured. but guess what? 4 days is NOTHIGN. We didnt make real progress until we were 10 days into it. At 10 days he began to finally ask to use the potty. and yes, he still has numerous accidents.

Finally, some small pcs of advice.

I placed a notice in a Yiddish monthly, the "maalos", asking people to cal me with toilet training tips. I got about 20 phone calls, with tips of varying relevance. The only real tidbits I gleaned were:

* Taking ds to a chiropractor. His bladder might need strengthening.

* Saying perek shirah for 40 days. I already started on ch ol hamoed pesach and the 40th day is a week before he needs to start cheder so I'm hoping this helps.

* The cheder is very cooperative with boys who still have accidents, and I should not be so paranoid and phobic about it. I will send him the way he is, and hope for the best.

Hope these tips help. Remember, the minute just has to come when it 'clicks' for him and he will 'get' it. a week ago I was close to despair whether my son would evere 'get' it, and while he is still very far from perfect, he has 'gotten' it and now it's just a matter of him applying himself to it.

hazlocha!

Tefila ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 8:00 pm

Though my son was trained during the day round three only because of his twin sis he wouldn't be outdone. At almost 4 yr old he still hasn't managed to stay dry at night I have tried everything waking him up bribing him etc the only thing I could do but wont is deprive him of his 6oz water bottle that he drinks before going to sleep. Oh well he's not looking for a shidduch yet this too shall pass Confused

↑ chavamom ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 8:02 pm

Mama Bear wrote:

* When he has an accident, he goes to 'time out' in the corner, and tell him that you are so disappointed because a big boy like him should tell Mommy before he needs to go.

↑ Tefila

Wed, May 14 2008, 8:07 pm

Quote:

When he has an accident, he goes to 'time out' in the corner, and tell him that you are so disappointed because a big boy like him should tell Mommy before he needs to go

But in all defence of mama bear she does know her child better then we do so perhaps what works for her would not work for another. Imo punishment for that at such a young age is not my cup of tea.

bubble gum ↓

Wed, May 14 2008, 8:15 pm

Quote:

Im so frustrated already he wouldnt even tell me that its coming out so I dont even have a chance to put him on the toilet which is a fight in itself. Im soooo exhausted already and I feel like giving up but I know I cant. And by the way once I do get him to sit on the potty with alot of fighting then he wont make for hours

I dont have any kids yet but I am a preschool teacher so I have a bit of experience here and I just had to comment on one thing- once u let it become a fight, or a power struggle between the two of you, he will develop a negative association with the whole thing and u will probably get nowhere (as u may have noticed). One of my students was forced to sit on the potty for hours at a time and he would just refuse to make! The parents of course got nowhere (except frustrated) with this method. If he has such a negative association with the whole thing, u shud really drop it for a month and then re-approach it with an only positive attitude- no punishing or forcing, just stars and prizes for when he goes on the potty. I know u are working in a time frame so that makes it harder...Also, some people say if ur kid has a real fear, put the potty in a regular room as a little seat for ur kid, and let him just get used to it by sitting on it fully dressed while reading a book etc.

Good luck!