What should I do about my relationship w/ Hashem? Need advce

41793371 ↓

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 9:24 am

I want to tap into elul, to be better, to work on something, to try to come closer to Hashem and to feel Him. But since meron, I've been feeling distant. Not angry, just... far. Maybe I'm scared of Him, scared to be close? For reference, I identify with yeshivish crowds. I am tzniyus (more or less), daven twice a day, make brachos, and say bh and iyh and even mean it when I say it. But I've just been feeling so separated since meron. I'm not angry. I don't know how to explain what I'm feeling. I'm doing all the actions and staying frum (I don't even feel like it's fake, I do feel like it's pretty real) but altz my actual relationship and desire to come close to Hashem- it's not there. I think I'm scared of Him maybe.

Any advice? I called a rav but no answer and I'm scared to call again. Any ideas how I can fix this relationship? Or want to fix it?

meiravit

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 9:53 am

Just talk to Him. Tell Him how you feel. Tell Him you're angry and distant.

Formal tefilla is good, but you need to develop a relationship with Hashem too.

↑ 41793371 ↓

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 10:01 am

meiravit wrote:

Just talk to Him. Tell Him how you feel. Tell Him you're angry and distant.

Formal tefilla is good, but you need to develop a relationship with Hashem too.

I try, but I feel distant so I don't really want to talk to Him. And I feel guilty for feeling this way because He gives me everything and I'm just "not in the mood" to talk to Him

Ema of 5

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 10:06 am

There is a good (free) conference going on this month. It’s daily Tehilim and an inspiring speaker. All female. Maybe sign up for that?
Abrahamslegacy.com/signup

sushilover ↓

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 10:21 am

Here's my humble opinion:
Take on something small but concrete l'iluy nishmas the victims of Meron. A specific chesed, a tefillah, learning a halach once a week. You can even take something you already do, like davening mincha, but now dedicate it to their memories.

When your heart is closed off, the answer isn't to try to approach it through emotions or logic. Action is the only way to open yourself up again.

↑ 41793371 ↓

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 10:23 am

Ema of 4 wrote:

There is a good (free) conference going on this month. It’s daily Tehilim and an inspiring speaker. All female. Maybe sign up for that?
Abrahamslegacy.com/signup

Thank you, just signed up. Will try to join at least once. Hope it helps, thanks

↑ 41793371 ↓

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 10:26 am

sushilover wrote:

That is so smart. It really resonated- I teared up when I read that line. I have to think about that. Thank you. I already took something on when it happened, to stop wearing a certain type of thing, but it's not so applicable right now, so you're right, I should do something else. Of course I'm so lazy so I won't actually do anything consistent:( But I should

MySpace

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 11:32 am

OP I feel the same way. I had a really hard year personally, and while I dont have any 'tainos' and I know everything Hashem does is just and fair and meant to be it's hard for me to connect.
In a way I feel like whats the point of investing in the relationship.

↑ sushilover

Tue, Aug 24 2021, 6:09 pm

41793371 wrote:

Based on your OP, you don't sound lazy at all!

↑ 41793371 ↓

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 4:03 pm

MySpace wrote:

Yes you explained it so well- no tainos... Just nothing...

banana split ↓

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 4:34 pm

MySpace wrote:

Totally feel the same as this

↑ 41793371

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 4:36 pm

banana split wrote:

Totally feel the same as this

Guess I'm not the only one.. How can I come into rh like this?? I know that Hashem knows whats in my heart but I just feel chutzpadik for feeling this way because bh my life is so good and I'm just feeling cold towards Hashem. I guess cold is a little strong, maybe just distant

AlwaysGrateful

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 4:42 pm

I just listened to this, and although it was from last year, it responds to this question EXACTLY. I hope you find it helpful.

https://www.torahanytime.com/#.....24547

↑ banana split

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 4:43 pm

Praying with fire the teenage addition is very inspiring. Written for teens so it’s a mix between easy reading and inspirational. I feel like that is getting me a bit in the mood for closer relationship and kavana.

Kiwi13

Thu, Aug 26 2021, 4:54 pm

When I get like that it helps to focus on the parts of the connection that are still there. When do you feel the most connected? Specific mitzvos? Settings (nature? Shul? with an open siddur/chumash near you?) Does writing help? Music? Doing a mitzvah in a special way that helps you feel closer?

Sometimes the feelings of distance/closeness ebb and flow for me without even knowing why. It sounds like there's a specific cause for why you feel this way though, and maybe that in itself could help you find the answer you're looking for.