Please explain the value in not having texting

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FranticFrummie ↓

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 11:13 pm

b.chadash wrote:

For example, my mother doesn't text (not for frum reasons, just because it's too annoying for her at her age.) Every time she wants to ask me something, she calls. I talk to her all the time. Usually it's a small question. If she would text, I would talk to her much less often.

And that's actually the point of texting. We don't want to bother having to talk to people. So much easier to just text. Whether we want to admit it or not, it leads to a general breakdown in communication. Many important conversations get relegated to texts. .

Someone I know once complained to me that she made a beautiful dinner for someone who just had a baby and the new mother texted her to thank her. My friend was very insulted. She felt that a call was warranted. That was about ten years ago. I wonder if she would still feel that way today.

I used to make sure to call people when inviting them for a meal on Shabbos. These days I text. In so many ways, we have moved from calls to texting, and it's hard to deny that this has changed the way we communicate to being more impersonal.

But other posters are saying that texting is TOO personal, and can lead to chatting with men. Something that you would never do on the phone, apparently.

I'm hard of hearing, so texting makes the most sense for me. I have a kosher phone and no text, so I text people who I know of FB using the Messenger service, or we video chat. (Only women, and DD, of course.)

If I had a male boss, I'd keep texts short and to the point. "Traffic on the expressway, will be about 15 minutes late to the meeting." or "Just faxed you the report, waiting for your approval before final draft." I doubt that is going to give any one any ideas about crossing lines.

Everything in this world is just a tool. We have free will. Instead of banning things left and right, we need the seichel to understand how everyday items can be used to create kedusha in the world, and not CV'S bring us down to a lower level. What we need is more education, and less fear.

And just a note for all of you folks I've chatted with online, here or elsewhere, I see you as REAL people. You are every bit as human as I am. You exist, you have feelings, you have joys and sorrows. I am happy to call many of you friends. I don't consider any of this to be some kind of flaky time waster, and if some of you were to leave I'd be very sad.

Just a note to all of you who use your kosher phones while riding on the bus. I can hear EVERY SINGLE WORD YOU SAY, and that is not a very tznius way to behave in public. People should keep their voices at a normal level, especially in a crowded place.

nanny24/7 ↓

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 11:47 pm

Growing wrote:

The value is that you're not connected where you shouldn't be
our minds are so fragmented already
Just because the technology is available does that mean
your mind should be processing random updates and requests all day

I don't have text so I'm not connected to the every day lives of
my class
my old neighbors
my not so old neighbors
my new neighbors
my cousins

Texting creates an illusion of being connected
When you don't text you know who is important to you and what is important to you
You're busy with the things you should be busy

and just for the record - no - noone needs to have text just to convenience you
if you need them - call them
if they don't have text than they are living their dandy lives very conveniently without it
Always on always available is for slaves - not for kings

Growing, I can't like this post enough.
I don't care if no texting is posed as a frum thing when its maybe more mystical or psychological in the benefit of such a boundary. It's such a beautiful thing. Can't we admire that anyway?
Why are you all so mad if it is claimed as a frum thing?
Maybe the gedolim of yesteryear who banned it had the psychological forsight of the possible social woes of technology. I respect that.
A

↑ nanny24/7

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 11:49 pm

oh and I feel like a hypocrite saying this online, but we all know at least 90% of internet worldwode is used for pure filth and evil, with maybe 9 plus percent for benign stuff and 1% or less of real kedusha.

↑ Persevere

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 11:53 pm

Thanks for all the thoughtful responses.

↑ Blessing1 ↓

Thu, Aug 05 2021, 11:53 pm

mommy3b2c wrote:

It might be praiseworthy. But not because it’s a “frum” thing to do. There is nothing frum about not texting .

In your opinion.

↑ jkl ↓

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:07 am

Blessing1 wrote:

In your opinion.

So explain how in your opinion it is a religious thing? It may be praiseworthy to devote more time to your family or focus more on them, but how does that make you more Torah observant than any other Torah observant person?

↑ jkl ↓

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:10 am

nanny24/7 wrote:

No, we don't know that at all. Can you bring a source to that?. The internet today is used for all aspects of life - for businesses, education, shopping, travel, finance, banking, and more. Filth and evil is not high on the list.

↑ Blessing1 ↓

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:13 am

jkl wrote:

It's a chumra, a geder & boundary to keep one from inappropriate behavior. It's a chumra just like any other.

↑ jkl ↓

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:15 am

Blessing1 wrote:

It's a chumra, a geder & boundary to keep one from inappropriate behavior. It's a chumra just like any other.

Chumras don't make you more Torah observant than any other Torah observant Jew either.

↑ jkl ↓

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:16 am

Blessing1 wrote:

It's a chumra, a geder & boundary to keep one from inappropriate behavior. It's a chumra just like any other.

Inappropriate behavior can be applied to anything and everything. If I don't have a corded phone in my house, because I want to keep away from inappropriate behavior, am I more frum than the person next door?

↑ FranticFrummie ↓

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:19 am

nanny24/7 wrote:

OK, but that doesn't mean that 90% of frum people are looking at filth. I know that some are, but the rest of the people who want text are being denied that option because of a few zex addicts and perverts. (Besides, your numbers are WAY off. Only 4 percent of websites are estimated to be [filth], but web and mobile searches clock in higher at 13 and 20 percent respectively https://www.statista.com/chart.....[filth]/ )

I could easily spend my entire life not looking at anything more exciting than shopping for a new bra. I don't want a filter that will keep me from doing that.

Ban texts for men if you want to, but let the rest of us at least have some choices in our lives.

(On the other hand, maybe men are better off looking at texts while walking down the street, instead of ogling real women or looking at sleazy billboards.)

↑ Blessing1

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:25 am

jkl wrote:

Chumras don't make you more Torah observant than any other Torah observant Jew either.

I didn't say it does. A chumra is a boundary that helps keep one torah observant and on the right path. It's ok if we don't understand everyone's chumra's. Live and let live. We don't need to understand everything.

↑ jkl ↓

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:31 am

Blessing1 wrote:

I didn't say it does. A chumra is a boundary that helps keep one torah observant. It's ok if we don't understand everyone's chumra's. As long as it doesn't hurt you, let it go. We don't need to understand everything.

I'm more than fine with people adopting personal chumrahs that work for them. (though I'm more than not fine with people forcing chumrahs upon others). And I have no need to understand why people adopt certain chumrahs (as long as they don't try to force it upon others). But this discussion was about if it makes one more religious if they don't have texting. So the answer to that is no, it doesn't make a person more Torah observant than the next one over if they don't text. It's just a personal choice accepted upon themselves to help them stay Torah observant.

The key words here are 'stay Torah observant', or as you said 'keep one Torah observant'. It's not that it makes you "more Torah observant'. Regardless if you do text or don't text, you are equally frum.

dietcokeaddict

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:38 am

Growing wrote:

I don't agree with everything you said but I love the bolded.

So true! And so contrary to the way we think and act today. What a warped society we live in.

↑ jkl

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:41 am

Blessing1 wrote:

To follow this line of thought. If a chumrah is a boundary meant to keep people on the right paths, shouldn't chumrahs be customized to the individual instead of community wide edicts?

For example, you stated earlier that texting can easily become inappropriate. I stated earlier that for me texting allows me to think before I speak, and has me avoiding saying inappropriate things. So wouldn't it make sense that the chumrah for you should be to avoid texting, and the chumrah for me should be that I should choose texting over a phone call? This way we both have boundaries that help keep us Torah observant and on the right path.

↑ FranticFrummie

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 12:46 am

jkl wrote:

I agree with this SO much.

You can use a screwdriver to build a Sukkah, and that's a mitzva. Your neighbor could use a screwdriver to go around stabbing people. Should we ban screwdrivers?

↑ PinkFridge

Fri, Aug 06 2021, 8:26 am

nanny24/7 wrote:

If it's 90% anything it's wasting our most valuable commodity: time.

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