the right harachaman to say

amother

Thu, Oct 18 2007, 9:55 pm

This is a little embarrassed

because I've been married a while. What do you say by the harachaman who yivarech osi vies ishi, ect?

gryp

Thu, Oct 18 2007, 10:09 pm

Don't be embarrassed, I don't even know what you're talking about. Wink

I guess we have a different nusach in our benching.

Marion

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 5:05 am

"Harachaman hu yevarach et ba'ali (insert name) ba'al habayit hazeh ve'et bneinu (insert name) otanu ve'et kol asher lanu"

Of course, my grandfather also used to name absolutely everyone at the table...

greentiger

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 7:36 am

Osi ve'es ba'ali, baal habayis haze. I guess everyone has a different nusach...

greenfire

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 8:58 am

yup ... nusach h'ari does not detail the brochos ... ashkenaz does ... having both in my house I've seen the difference ...

הרחמן הוא יברך אותי ואת בעלי (ואת זרעי (if you have kids)

chocolate moose

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 10:45 am

oh, right.

Crayon210

Fri, Oct 19 2007, 12:44 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

oh, right.

Nusach Ari says, "Harachaman hu yevarech es avi mori ba'al habayis hazeh v'es imi morasi ba'alas habayis hazeh, osam v'es beisam v'es zaram v'es kol asher lahem," regardless of parents' status.

hadassah

Sun, Oct 21 2007, 5:43 pm

This thread is cool! I am reminded of my mother who always loves the benching at a wedding when the kallah for the first time has to add her husband and she catches herself to say it right...

Well my dilemma was even better. I am remarried and we live with my two daughters in an apartment which is legally my mother's (my father a"h passed away many years ago) and my husband has additional children who don't live with us full time. So when I remarried what was I supposed to say? Oti ve'et ba'ali is no problem, but when we come to the kids? Zari ve'et Zaro? But he has more kids than me and we don't have any mutual so do his kids come first? And what about my mother who is ba'alat habayit but basically that is pro forma as I have lived here without her in the house for many many years...

So we came up with Harachaman hu yivarech oti ve'et ba'ali ve'et Zaro ve'et Bnotai ve'et Imi Morati...for my girls it's even more "fun" their father is alive and well and they get on great with their step-dad and step-siblings but their father is definitely not ba'al habayit of the house in which they live...I once asked them what they say and their answer was "don't ask".

My husband is even better...he keeps most of the time to the minhag which ends benching at "yehasrainu" so he isn't faced with this dilemma...and as for my ex who I once asked what he says these days, he laughed and said it is just easier to say "harachaman hu yivarech et Kuuuuuulam!"