What is chassidish life like?

↑ Seraph ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 4:00 am

amother wrote:

I didnt read through the entire thread - but I have one question- I heard that chassidish couples do not learn hilchos niddah before marriage- that the mesader kedushin slips a peice of paper to the chosson right before the chuppah with directions for the first night and directions to call him in the morning so he can teach both of them the halachos right then.

To me this seems ridiculous. Please tell me it's not true. shock

Its not true. At all. One of the most riddiculus things I've ever heard. Sorry.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 4:11 am

A freind of mine, from Kiryas Yoel, and I were discussing something about kallah classes when I was engaged...
And though she had kallah classes, she had no idea that certain things were assur- some thing straight out from the shulchan aruch (and KSA)...
I'm not going into detail what they are- but basically, they're things that every group holds is assur...
But she never learned that its assur, nor did her husband. (Maybe because her kallah teacher assumed that she would never do this, but my freind was a worldly girl who knew what was done in the "outside world" and does them with her husband... When I told her they were assur, she was SHOCKED!!! And she's married quite a few years...)

Is that typical that maybe kallahs and chossons arent taught as in depth what is assur in terms of relations? Or was this just a freak case?

↑ chocolate moose ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 10:35 am

Breslov, so why don't they wear the apron during davening or when buring challah or at other times, then?

Mindy, perhaps I will rephrase - I have heard it in Lub that the boys drive when they get close to shidduchim. Lub couples DO go out, albiet not "dating".

Lastly, if it's feared the chosson will have goyische notions about relations, then what about the chassidic aspects and the hashkofo seforim that so many learn? They cannot come home from their own wedding and take out a sefer, you know.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 10:58 am

amother wrote:

Quote:

in the non-chasidishe velt maybe. in the chasidishe velt, boys dont take girls 'out' for shidduchim so they dont have to drive. as a matter of fact, a bochur that drives prior to engagement is considered slightly "bummy". Very 'aidel' bochurim dont learn to drive in their engagement, and for that matter, during shana rishona either.... Now, not as a matter of refinement or anything else, but many chasidishe men dont drive at all! My father, my father in law, and my sister's husband all don't drive!!! My husband and brother are the only members of my immediate family (plus some of dh's bils) that do drive - and only my brother owns a car! we dont even own a car....

Mindy please please speak for yourself. Many bochurim who are very fine and eidel drive in their Shona Rishona. I don't appreciate your commenting like that on very fine boys. My DH who's married for over 5 years had license in his Shana Rishona and he happens to be a Kollel Yungerman and a very Aidele one.
Prior to engagement is not so accepted, that I agree with you. But after engagement or rather after the Chasuna many fine, exceptional Yungerleit will make license.

same here. In Belz it is very common to get license right after the wedding ( my husband did ... and is in kollel for many years b'h... we don't have a car and that is b/c we can't afford one.... Confused

)

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 11:03 am

amother wrote:

well we too did somethings that are not .. shock

.... I don't blame the teachers I think it we as frum people need to be "worldly" enough to know htat anything out of the straight line ( that was taught before the wedding ) should be checking into to make sure its ok... is this only a chasidisha problem? non chasidim that are in love and want to have fun NEVER do anything .......? Question

↑ creativemommyto3 ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 11:23 am

breslov wrote:

chocolate moose wrote:

Breslov, so why don't they wear the apron during davening or when buring challah or at other times, then?

Maybe some people are wearing aprons when making challah... Wink

I dunno, for all that taking challah is also a womans special mitzva, I've heard the most about licht bentchin.
It could also be a combo of the reason I mentioned and other reasons.

do you know where I can buy one in yerushalayim? can I buy one in geula?

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 11:32 am

amother wrote:

well we too did somethings that are not .. shock

Well, I think most normal Kalla and Chasson teachers tell them what is forbidden (e.g. oral and looking) Anything else, like certain positions, are maybe better not to do, but not assur.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 11:45 am

amother wrote:

well we too did somethings that are not .. shock

Well, I think most normal Kalla and Chasson teachers tell them what is forbidden (e.g. oral and looking) Anything else, like certain positions, are maybe better not to do, but not assur.

The case I was talking about was oral, which included looking. And I don't want to make this thread dirty, but for those worldly of you out there, something that involves two numbers.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 11:54 am

my teacher taught me ( my dh was also taught) that you are not allowed to look... I think e/o is also taught that it is zerah l'vattulah so that would include e/t accept what was taught... it is unfortunate that your friend did it w/o knowning that she's doing s/t oser.

regarding the white tichel/ apron yes white is a shabbos color, white table cloth ect... many chasidisha ppl will put on there kids white tights on shabbos, and only white shirts not light blue and grey...( pls no jumping on me... I wrote MANY and not ALL)

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 12:35 pm

amother wrote:

well we too did somethings that are not .. shock

Well, I think most normal Kalla and Chasson teachers tell them what is forbidden (e.g. oral and looking) Anything else, like certain positions, are maybe better not to do, but not assur.

The case I was talking about was oral, which included looking. And I don't want to make this thread dirty, but for those worldly of you out there, something that involves two numbers.

Well that does sound like a freak case, its very weird that both of them never heard that its assur. Especially by a chassidishe couple where things are generally taught more strictly.

Quote:

regarding the white tichel/ apron yes white is a shabbos color, white table cloth ect... many chasidisha ppl will put on there kids white tights on shabbos, and only white shirts not light blue and grey...( pls no jumping on me... I wrote MANY and not ALL)

Yup, my girls only wear white tights and boys only white shirts.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 12:45 pm

amother wrote:

Well that does sound like a freak case, its very weird that both of them never heard that its assur. Especially by a chassidishe couple where things are generally taught more strictly.

A chassidishe kallah teacher who thinks the kallah doesn't know ANYTHING about relations would teach them that there are certain other things that exist, and that they are assur? Or would most chassidishe kallah teachers just not "enlighten" her pupil that other things exist and are assur?

↑ Mama Bear ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 2:04 pm

amother wrote:

at this point in time, many shana risonah people learn to drive. In my times it was not considered aidel and I freaked out when my husband wanted to take driving lessons when he was married 8 months. a lot of things are much more normal and accepted today.

↑ amother ↓

Thu, Jun 21 2007, 2:21 pm

amother wrote:

no a teacher will not go ahead a give all possible things to do and then say what is mittur and osser.... would any other frum teacher do that like take a kid ( 19 years..) and say this is what you need to do.....xyz... ppl also tend to do ..abcdefg.... but hey don't do that it's not allowed! dunno doesn't sound right to me...

↑ amother ↓

Fri, Jun 22 2007, 5:36 pm

I'm litvish (yeshivish) and both me and dh were taught what is muttar and what we are not allowed to do. But then again, we knew what these things were and that they are done- it was not new information. The chosson teacher/kallah teacher just said "________ is not permitted" and it was not necessary to explain.

Maybe in the chassidishe world, the chosson/kallah teachers dont say that because many chassidim are more sheltered and do not know about certain s-xual activities.