Twins? | Imamother

amother

Aqua ↓

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 7:25 am

I'm doing an IVF cycle and I have the opportunity to transfer 2 embryos which means that I can possibly have twins.
Of course the cycle may fail and I may not get pregnant at all, only 1 of the 2 embryos may implant and it could end up being a singleton, but there is a chance to have twins.
I want to hear from some of you out there with twins, if you had a choice would you have done it knowing hard hard it is?
We have a 5 year old DD and she'll be older once I do give birth iyh. so I'm not worried about other children needing attention, etc.
I know that the expense for having twins is much bigger than with a single. Bh our family will be able to help us out financially if we need them to.

amother

Aubergine ↓

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 7:40 am

I had twins. Naturally. Totally unexpectedly. Like most of the pregnancy we didn't know. And I had always said twins were not for me.
No getting around it. it is hard work. We didn't live close to parents, in-laws or have finances for much help. But I would definitely definitely do it again if I had the choice BH!
And privately I often pray for another set. (Though BH I have a number of singletons too)

amother

Navy ↓

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 8:14 am

My babies are only 9 months old so I may not be over the hump yet. But I feel like I would never do it again!

Can you afford full time help for at least a year ? That's the only case in which maybe it is doable. We can't and it's been so hard on us

shabbatiscoming

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 8:19 am

as someone who also did fertility treatments I would ask you a different question entirely.
will this be your last fertility treatment? will you be doing ivf again? I think thats the other side.
I would definitely transfer 2. but thats me.
good luck.

amother

↑ Aqua ↓

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 8:30 am

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Wouldn't be our last, I'm 27 so I feel like we still will have time to do more treatments iyh next time.
I feel like I'm so "behind" on building a family and I can catch up by having twins. Also, I always loved the idea of twins.
Bh we can afford full time help so I think it will not be difficult in that aspect.

amother

Sapphire

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 8:45 am

I have two sets of twins. It is very hard, take all the help you can get.
On the brighter side, they are so cute. From the way they argue, to the way they play.

Hatzlacha

freedomseek

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 9:01 am

I have twins and had a very difficult time because I had NO help!
Would not do it again even with help but that might be because I feel overwhelmed with the amount of kids I have now!
Lots of mazel to you!

amother

Ecru

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 9:27 am

If you can afford full time help, I don't see why not, especially because then you have a better chance of at least one implanting. Also, your daughter is older now so she could help you entertain them.

amother

Cobalt

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 10:49 am

Had twins a year and a half after having the most difficult singleton. Twins were physically more difficult because there is never a chance to sit down. But I was more prepared for the colic and insanity because of my first born. I did not hire help at all but I should have. I did put one year old in day care. Otherwise it would have been very unsafe.

amother

Orchid

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 11:02 am

Twin pregnancy is high risk for pre-term birth and a risk to the mom as well.
My first were twins from a clomid cycle and then I had a singleton.
With my twins just taking care of their basic needs like feeding, dressing, bathing it takes up all your time and you have no time to just enjoy them. I only realized this once I had a singleton and it was just so beautiful with just one baby so much more enjoyable so much more time to spend bonding rather then being frazzled that the next child has to eat...
I stayed home full time with my twins so I didn''t need extra help. I would start my day at 11:00 because there were nights that I was up 3,4 times for feedings. The first few months with my twins were totally filled up with just taking care of them.

Teomima

Sun, Mar 13 2016, 1:04 pm

Twins are very difficult in the beginning, but they are magical to watch as they grow. They always have each other and as they get older, they get even easier than a singleton since you don't have to spend as much of your time entertaining them, they can entertain each other. Being a mom to twins is hard work but incredibly rewarding (and it makes any subsequent singletons feel easy peasey!)

I would do it again in a heartbeat.

98 ↓

Tue, Mar 22 2016, 7:05 pm

I have twins. When I found out at the first scan I cried tears of joy. They were extremely hard work. I only coped because I had 24 hr help for first 8 months. I do think that if I had a more easy going nature and wouldn't have minded the house etc getting totally out of shape I would have enjoyed and relaxed more (please understand it's never picture perfect anyway). Also it depends a lot on your husbands ability to help, cope with crying babies, change diapers etc. If I was to be blessed again, my heart would skip a few beats I think, but I would also cry more tears of joy and gratitude. I've also learnt to chill......

xyz ↓

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 12:00 am

I'm a mom of twins too. Mine are in the terrible two stage right now yet give us the greatest joy and pleasure! As most moms will agree to say you need to have a tremendous amount of emotional (and sometimes physical) strength, positive and happiness to survive many days and nights! But they do pass!!

About your question on how many embryos to transfer:your dr. Will discuss with you on the morning of the transfer how many he/she feels comfy transferring! There are many factors to be considered. Each patient is unique and each embryo is unique as we'll. and so is each dr. That's just my personal experience as as pro ifv veteran.

Hatzlacha

chani8

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 1:15 am

I would not choose twins nor wish twins on anyone, regarding pregnancy only. A twin pregnancy is high risk and can be difficult in many ways, especially bed rest. Not to mention that it can take years for the body to recover.

amother

↑ Aqua ↓

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 5:04 am

98 wrote:

You are so right. Isn't that where daas Torah would come in, after consulting the dr?

Op here. My rav said he actually recommends we transfer 2 assuming we understand and are ok with having twins.

finallyamommy ↓

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 5:59 am

My rav also recommended transferring two. I brought it up with the doctor, who responded, "Is your rav going to take care of the preemies?" and while we ended up transferring two anyway, they made very clear to me that the ideal outcome was one and not two. And then I did get my one bh.

↑ 98

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 6:26 am

Doctors often but not always think they know it all. There are plenty things that rabbonim don't do that they still need to be involved in even if it's just a question. They don't kasher your pots for you nor do they do our bedikos. The Torah is all encompassing and a level headed Rov is the right address for important questions. Everyone needs to know where they belong. Doctors should not be discouraging us from asking what and whom we need to.

amother

Salmon

Thu, Mar 31 2016, 6:27 am

Mother of two sets of twins here. The first time around I was shocked, to say the least. It was extremely difficult due to their temperments, but after three months started to become sane again. Over time I came to appreciate my unbelievable double bracha and davened for the opportunity to do it again...and appreciate it this time. BH I had twins again, this time with a different attitude, and babies with a different temperment. Still tons of work, but worth every bit of it.