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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

Forgot to come home

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↑ greenfire ↓

Thu, Apr 26 2007, 3:14 am

For whatever it is worth ... she didn't go to school ... then she disappeared ... I woke up only to find a retake ... at least this time I will assume she is alive... defiant, rude and inconsiderate ... I give up though ... I can't stand this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get sick to my stomach out of worry.

↑ greenfire ↓

Thu, Apr 26 2007, 9:21 am

so she just walked in a couple of minutes ago ... what am I to think ... I really did not say anything to provoke her ignoring me ... I know in my thoughts I want to yell "WHAT THE ____ IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!?!??!?!" but I have not ... I asked "what is going on" simply and quietly ... no answer...

↑ Ima'la ↓

Thu, Apr 26 2007, 9:31 am

You realize that subconsciously, she does not really think you are a person...but more like a god (even if she has negative feelings towards you)....it probably does not even occur to her that you could feel hurt by her....because you do not even have feelings. I know that looking back, I think that's how I thought of my mother (again, subconsciously) - and I was a good girl!

↑ Ruchel

Thu, Apr 26 2007, 11:43 am

Imala I think I felt like that too... but never managed to put it into words...

↑ Ima'la

Fri, Apr 27 2007, 1:08 am

I think I realized after I had a baby and started asking my mother for advice all the time. I didn't have a great relationship with her as a teen, so I wondered what had changed. And I realized that I asked her for advice about taking care of babies, kids, cooking, etc. b/c I knew she had done that - I saw it with my own eyes. But why would I ask her advice about being a teenager? SHE was never a teen! Did you see her be a teenager? I never saw such a thing! She may claim that she was once, but I don't buy it!!!

Also, I remember times as a kid that I was reprimanded for saying things that hurt my mother's feelings - and I remember a feeling of surprise (even if what I had said was objectively rude) - I hadn't meant to be hurtful - it never occured to me that I could hurt her feelings!

↑ greenfire

Fri, Apr 27 2007, 9:59 am

yeah but you see ... I on the other hand was so extremely sensitive to my mother's pain ... there were a lot of us and if a sister said something rude to my mother I cried ... if she needed someone to go to the store I went ... I thought I would raise sensitive kids but I learned that it is not the norm ...

Well she came home early last night - 10:30 - so I was able to actually sleep ...

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