Are you a good host?

red sea ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 2:13 pm

Quote:

1. A married couple needs a bedroom and (clean) separate bathroom. If you dont have a separate bathroom, and we will be using the bathroom your kids just took a bath in,or that you and your husband use, please reconsider the invitation.

2. Please supply a fresh bar of soap. The old soap bar and loofah in the guest bathroom is gross.

2. Clean sheets! Its obvious when you dont change the sheets between guests and possibly the most offensive thing you can possibly do. It's really horrifying but quite a few people I know havent bothered. One couple even "lent" us a blanket right off of their own bed!

3. Please supply an extra pillow, especially if the pillows on the beds are old and lumpy.

4. "Help yourself to the fridge" is a cop-out. I cant tell whats in your fridge or how old it is. A host has to offer a freshly made meal of some sort. Please dont serve us leftovers on dinky paper plates with plastic forks.

5. As cute as your kids are, we cannot carry on a conversation when they are all screaming and running around the dinner table. You may be used to it, but we are getting a migraine.

6. A messy house is disgusting and dirty diapers strewn about make us want to get the heck out asap.

7. We can make sandwiches for our flight in but for our flight out, please prepare an adequate amount of food so that we dont have to buy bagels in cvs on the way to the airport.

Clean linen - well thats just horrible to not provide!

I would be appaled if someone expected me to use a used bar of soap, but ever heard of body wash, or make do with the shampoo.

Separate bathroom?! Well, if its a must for you, find out before you invite yourself over! But yeah, I wouldnt love it if I had to share a vastly grimy bathroom that reeked of not being cleaned in a month. And dont forget a separate bath is much more comfortable for hosts too!

If you are picky with pillows, travel with your own. Yeah, ideally its nice to provide your guests with the best, but a pillow is a pillow.

A feshly made meal is the ultimate in hosting, but you know what- if you invite yourself over, dont be so ungrateful, food is food, and they are feeding you for free, but its not so comfortable to be a guest and be told help yourself if the real meaning is, fend for yourself, unless they told you using their kitchen to make your own food when invited, cuz I dont think I would be comfortable just cooking in someone elses house and dont know where they keep stuff , what is dairy or meat. And goodness, how rude to serve leftovers on paper goods Twisted Evil

, - NOT! At our house we intentionally cook leftovers to save time! They werent moldy or a week old when they served em, were they?

Well if you cant handle kids, dont go there unless you know how their kids are before you go.

Dirty diapers strewn about Puke

, but if you are not comfortable with someones housekeeping dont go there again Rolling Eyes

.

Yeah, its thoughtful for hosts to offer food for the way, but if they forget, shock

make do.

I think you offered a great list of how to be an ideal host but you said it so ungratefully!

↑ Raisin ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 2:37 pm

To be fair to the op, I think we are misunderstanding her post. She says she is travelling on business, and is doing the host a favor by staying witht hem rather than a hotel. I can only imagine she is being employed by the people she is staying with. That is the only way that she could be doing them a favour.

For example, we bring out speakers once in a while to give talks in our city. A lot of them specifically request to be put up in a hotel (one particularly holy Rabbi demanded a 4 or 5 star hotel with a gym) rather than our house. If they agree to stay in our house they are, in fact doing us a favour, because then we don't have to pay expensive hotel bills on top of airfare etc. (since there are no kosher resturants around, I anyway have to cook them meals.)

I have to say, the op sounds like a middle aged person who either had very few children, or has forgotten what they are like when young.

non-conformist

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 2:39 pm

I think what bothers most of the posters is the tone of the OP, the demanding attitude...
(and the separate bathroon request - that's exagerated, imo)
But it would be nice to offer a warm meal to the guests, towels, offer them sanwiches when traveling (if possible - I wouldn't say it's a must) etc... I try to, at least... :-)

yoyosma ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 2:47 pm

Raisin wrote:

Raisin, nowhere does she say she is employed by the people who are hosting her. What she DOES say is this :

Quote:

My husband and I travel alot for business and we often stay by friends over night or for a weekend.

OP stays by friends when she travels. That is how she starts out. In a later post she says:

Quote:

I would stay in a hotel but I travel for business, and generally try to help with the travel costs by not demanding a hotel. I am doing my host a favor by not demanding better accomodations. And be thankful what I get for free?

So she is helping her company by staying at friends and not demanding a hotel. Thats great.
But then saying she is doing her host a favor by not demanding better accomodations? How dare she? If she wants hotel quality, then get the hotel! When someone does you a favor and lets you stay in their home, you dont complain!

Last edited by yoyosma on Mon, Feb 05 2007, 2:57 pm; edited 1 time in total

↑ Raisin ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 2:56 pm

Ok, you're right Yoyo. I guess I was thrown off track by the line

Quote:

I am doing my host a favor by not demanding better accomodations

But she is! (demanding better accommodations) They are doing a favour by putting her up. They cannot help it if they do not have many bathrooms, full time cleaning help, a chef etc I'm quite sure none of them would say no to any of these things.

(I'm still kind of wondering if Motek or someone isn't the OP, just to start a good discussion!

↑ yoyosma ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:01 pm

Just BTW, I have been by the hosts from hell, with filthy bathrooms filled with towels, hair, dirty clothes and pee all over the toilet.
In the room I was staying in I dealt with dirty linen, CHEESE all over the floor shock

, the light left on all Shabbos, screaming children trying to get in, etc.
I have dealt with dirty hands in food, filthy dishes, etc etc.
(yes this was all one house)
NOT ONCE did I complain, I just never went back!

↑ Raisin ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:03 pm

I think I stayed there too, Yoyosma! Rolling Laughter

↑ mumoo ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:18 pm

yoyosma wrote:

It seems there are a few who do agree with some minimal hosting standards and that OP's mistake is not in wanting better accomodations but that she is complaining. But she is complaining here, not to the host. Just like some of you did.

The first statement of OP's post was

Quote:

"if you offer to be If you offer to be a host, then be a good one!

↑ Mrs. XYZ

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:32 pm

Quote:

It seems there are a few who do agree with some minimal hosting standards and that OP's mistake is not in wanting better accomodations but that she is complaining.

EVERYONE agrees with 'some minimal hosting standards'! It's only decent and 'mentchlichkeit' not to have cheese all over the floor and dirty hands in the food (forget about the guests, even for own family!) . But the OP was talking about much more than the minimal hosting. It does not sound like she was treated like a rag. It is not normal to expect a private bathroom, or that the hosts should lock up the kids because there are guests.

↑ yoyosma ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:34 pm

mumoo, one can complain, which I admit I did. But nowhere did I mention a list of demands, I wrote I just never went back!

↑ anon

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:38 pm

Mumoo, you're comparing apples and oranges!! The OP did NOT describe the terrible accomodations that Yoyosma did. She was NOT talking about minimal hosting standards. She was going way above and beyond that with a demanding ungrateful attitude.

↑ HindaRochel ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:38 pm

It also does not sound as if she were asked over, but had called or otherwise indicated to her friends that she would be in town on business, and they were kind enough to let her stay with them rather than at a hotel.

Clean sheets we all agree on. And yes, I think when someone first arrives, offering them something to eat and drink; fruit, or cookies and milk or juice etc. is nice. If it is near a meal time, then I would of course offer a meal. But they aren't really hosting her; she isn't visiting them. She is coming to stay so she doesn't have to pay for a hotel.

HappyPurim

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:41 pm

I'm disgusted by this original imo , thats all I got to say!!!

↑ yoyosma ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:47 pm

As a host, I do try my best, btw.
I have one bathroom, most of my guests know this because they know me so they know where I live.
I dont have a big apartment. If you come to visit, I have exactly one bed for guests and you will share a room with my daughter.
I tell this to people before they come, they are all fine with it! They just need a place to stay!
Of course the sheets are clean! Of course there is a new bar of soap in the bathroom (and plenty of bodywash)!
I try to buy the persons favorite foods, drinks, milk preference, cereal, etc.
I let them know when I serve dinner, or if I am going out.
Other than that, thats it!
Enjoy your stay at Chez Yoyosma, thats what you are getting!!!

↑ Raisin

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:54 pm

Yoyosma, I land on wednesday afternoon. Just pm me your adddress! Very Happy

(Don't worry, I'll be staying with my sister, along with approximately 10 other guests, - all family members - not counting my sisters family, in a 3 bedroom. I think I'll print out the op's post and show it to her!)

↑ yoyosma ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 3:58 pm

Raisin, gotta love your attitude! Although since I live in CH, everyone wants to stay, they dont care if they double up, sleep on the floor, couch wherever, they just need a place and are so grateful!

↑ Tefila ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 4:00 pm

Quote:

Your lengthy 5-star list is beautiful if it's YOUR checklist for when YOU play hostess. When YOU are the GUEST, the only lists you should be composing are "How to be a Good GUEST"!!!

IMALA

MY POINT TOO RIGHT ON Exclamation

Yes I have been too to different homes as guests, with diapers strewn eevrywhere and you know what, I just say b"h I have where to stay Exclamation

and b"h this family has kids and b"h it's only for a few days. And I say that iy"h I will know how to behave when guests come to me.
But for a guest to expect this is imo DISGUSTING Exclamation

↑ amother ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 4:34 pm

Amother 2007 here:
Ok my final consensus is this.

IT IS A JOKE this thread 8) and wanted to get us all riled up.

Some things there are common sense on her list, but the tone and her massive expectations about not serving paperware is beyond me.

↑ Tefila ↓

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 4:43 pm

OK, ok

that above amom was me Twisted Evil

I am just shocked at some peoples unreasonable requests.

timeout

Mon, Feb 05 2007, 5:01 pm

Wow I just read this whole thread and WOW that's all I'm going to say.

I think we would all like to have guest bedrooms with bathrooms that are kept pristine for our honored guests. Reality check for me probably not going to happen. In my "palace" 2 tiny bedroom apt. we all share 1 bathroom, try and make sure to have great food for Shabbos no matter what and always ask before going in the shower if anyone needs to use the bathroom.

That being said I had my parents sleep by me for this past Shabbos I slept on the floor of my kids room and my DH slept on a high riser in the living room. I think we all had a grand time. Wink