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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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↑ saw50st8 ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 6:30 am

Because that likley announces my pregnancies before I'm ready to tell everyone. So if they say tummy, people assume differently.

↑ freidasima ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 6:47 am

Why would they assume differently?

↑ saw50st8

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 7:11 am

Because kids talk about tummies...I have an tummy ache, my belly button is on my tummy etc. No kids (especially a boy LOL) talk about their uterus.

↑ Ruchel

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 7:50 am

I still find it odd to explain all this to little kids. Even in public school, the reproduction classes in biology do not start before middle school. Really doesn't appeal to me Smile

↑ freidasima ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 8:13 am

It's a matter of what one is used to. I tell kids the truth at any age, suited of course for their level of comprehension. When children live with animals, they see reproduction take place, they see birth take place and it's no big secret. This generation and the previous one or two, which were totally urbanized and in a sense sanitized, also sanitized brith, conception, and death - making them mystical and totally fearful in a world when once upon a time it was a normal acceptable part of life - all of it.

I believe that attitude was much healthier than what we have today. I believe that children aren't dumb and if and when they find out the truth, they believe then that their parents are liars and that stays with them forever on the subliminal level.

I think it is our OWN fears and attitudes towards conception, birth and death and that of the world that today surrounds us in the sanitized generation, that makes us do this. And I don't think it is healthy.

Saw do you really think that if your two year old says that mommy has a baby in her uterus or mommy has a baby in her tummy to a neighbor that the neighbor will think - hey saw is pregnant, in the first case and - hey saw has a stomach age - in the second? I doubt it...

↑ b from nj ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 8:41 am

freidasima wrote:

FS, I think you meant stomach ache not stomage age Wink

but anyhow, I really don't think it makes a whole heck of a difference whether or not little kids are not taught the anatomically correct words for their private parts & their mother's uterus. My parents referred to private parts with nicknames for them & who really cares?!! Did it really impact my life or my marriage or anything in any way, shape, or form? Absolutely NOT! I grew up into a law-abiding citizen despite not having used the words p$nis, v$gina, etc as a child & I learned their true names in due time without growing up feeling like my parents were liars! Really now!!

↑ b from nj ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 9:12 am

& have one more question for you FS. What does your 4 year old grandson say when he goes to the bathroom to make a bowel movement (aka number 2)? Does he say I need to defecate or I need to make a bowel movement? I am curious to know what he calls it.

↑ freidasima ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 9:14 am

A "BM" short for Bowel Movement (and yes, he knows the full words).

I don't think that it makes a big long range difference giving kids the anatomical words from youngest childhood but I do think it makes a big long range difference what stories one tells vis a vis where babies come from. THERE is the make or break of a parent being branded a liar.

↑ Barbara

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 9:49 am

saw50st8 wrote:

Because that likley announces my pregnancies before I'm ready to tell everyone. So if they say tummy, people assume differently.

Something we shouldn't know going on?

I have no real opinion on uterus.

As to anatomically correct terms, there's no difference in level of "politeness" between saying "p3nis" and "weenie." They're the same thing. But there are reasons to teach the correct term, so that communications with medical professionals are clear in the event of injury or (Gd forbid) molestation.

↑ b from nj ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 10:20 am

freidasima wrote:

Telling kids that "mommy buys a baby in the hospital" as some of my DHs chassidish patients have told him seems a bit odd & may cause the kids to question their parents when they get older but telling kids that mommy has a baby in her tummy or her stomach versus her uterus does not make any difference.

↑ freidasima ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 10:40 am

A have a friend with a much older sister born in prewar europe. Her sister learned that the stork brought babies. But when she was eight and being sent away on a children's transport her mother wanted her to know the truth and they had to have a fast and intense session of information on a lot of things. When she heard the real story her comment was "you know mutti ? I prefer the story with the stork".

↑ b from nj

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 10:51 am

freidasima wrote:

It surely would make childbirth a lot easier if the stork did all the work Very Happy

↑ amother

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 11:53 am

I very much regret teaching my kids anatomically correct terms. Every time I put my ds in the shopping cart he starts yelling "My p*nis is stuck, MY P*NIS IS STUCK (LOUDLY)". Just try and tell me you wouldn't be mortified embarrassed

↑ busybuthappy ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 1:23 pm

amother before me, I almost fell off my chair laughing.

fs-unfortunatly, my parents did not sensor the things I read, and I watched a lot of things I shouldn't have at my grandmas house. I knew a lot about romance, seks,drugs, and lots of other things at an age that I think was much to young to know those things. reading about them did not make me want to do them, it made me realize how bad some of these things were(drugs,sleeping around.) and yes, all my immediate relatives are/were frum, although some are more modern then others.

also, I do not think that I am lying to my children when I say hashem puts the baby in the mommys belly. hashem does put the baby there. if not for Him, the baby can not get in there no matter what a man and woman do. my mother always told me that, and when I was about eight or nine, I asked how does it come out and she told me. I just tell my sons that the dr. takes it out, which is true. when they get older I can explain in further detail.

↑ freidasima ↓

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 3:52 pm

Busy what you think about whether you are right to tell your kids that is not the issue. the issue will be how they respond when they learn the truth and if they confront you and ask why you told them a bubbeh meiseh. Some kids respond really badly to this, particularly if a friend tells them the truth soon and then confront you with it and then what do you say? Moishie is right, that's really how it happens? Or do you fudge it because they are still six?

Amother, again the problem is that You are embarrased by your son's correct use of the term...while he is not. Maybe get over it...

bigsis144

Thu, Dec 27 2012, 4:41 pm

b from nj wrote:

freidasima wrote:

Especially since "stomach" is often used for the entire abdominal area, not just the digestive organ.

If speaking to my doctor I would be anatomically precise and say "I've got uterine cramps", but anywhere else I'd probably just say "My stomach is killing me!"

↑ freidasima ↓

Fri, Dec 28 2012, 4:47 am

I would probably say the same, but the issue is knowing the correct word and when to use it. I am still in shock that in Israeli hospitals the nurses use the terms "pipi" and "kaki" to patients...

↑ busybuthappy ↓

Fri, Dec 28 2012, 7:42 am

fs- what lies did I tell my children?

nurses saying peepee and kaki, is extremely inappropriate and would make me feel extremely uncomfortable. small children, using those words is not appropriate(when using it in the correct context)although I personally hate the word kaki and don't use it with my children

↑ freidasima ↓

Fri, Dec 28 2012, 7:48 am

To say "Hashem puts the baby in the mommy's belly" is like saying when asked why a person is a doctor "Hashem made them a doctor" or when asked why a woman is wearing a dress instead of a skirt and blouse "Hashem guided her to decide to wear a dress".

Yeah well. In my book a nice way of describing that is "fudging". Others would call it something else.

Saying that the doctor takes the baby out....does the doctor have to be there? No, around here it's a midwife. Or for babies born outside the hospital lots of other possibilties.

What would you answer your four or five year old if they are the curious kind and ask "how does the doctor take the baby out? Through the pupik?" or something like that...

would you answer? Would you say "through a special place"? And then what if the kid says "what special place, where is that special place" etc....

in other words there are kids who put one on the spot with very direct and precise questions, even at a young age. What would you do with that kind of kid? Those are the kind of kids I have and I was, as is my dh and his brothers...they wouldn't have put up with anything less than a total explanation at any age...depends on the nature of the child I guess.

↑ busybuthappy ↓

Fri, Dec 28 2012, 3:12 pm

u can explain the full process to small children if that is what you want. but telling them that Hashem put it there is not a lie. just ask someone who is suffering from infertility, if it isn't Hashem who puts the baby in the belly.

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