amazing story- Wheelchair-bound couple are pillars of streng

613

Thu, Feb 17 2005, 4:51 pm

Sorry this is so long, couldn't find the link to it on LA Times website, and I got it as an email forward:
Wheelchair-bound couple are pillars of strength

By Valerie Reitman / Los Angeles Times

LOS ANGELES - Spend a few days with Stuart and Rebecca Klein - he's quadriplegic, she's paraplegic - and they'll nearly have you convinced that their biggest challenge as parents of infant twins will be reducing the speed on their motorized wheelchairs, as they have vowed to each other they will, once the boys start to crawl.

"The speed of the wheelchair will be on low always," promises Stuart. "If we want to back up, we'll have to call out to each other and ask (where the twins are)."

The notion that they might have to slow themselves down a bit - they're practicing now to get used to the idea - reflects the Kleins' world view. They take their challenges in stride, despite the hurdles they face just getting up and dressed, let alone taking care of their fraternal twins Yaakov Aryeh and Yosef Netanel born in July.

Call Rebecca, 27, on the phone and suggest "You must be busy," and she replies, "Yes, thank God."

Press a bit and Stuart, 42, tears up for a moment when he mentions his sadness at seeing other fathers cuddling their newborns - the "holding and the bonding" that he couldn't do - but then his mood quickly rebounds as he notes that other things can compensate.

"You talk to them, you tell them how much you'll love them throughout their lives and that you'll be there for them," he says, his blue eyes beaming at Yaakov as Rebecca gives him a bottle. "And you know that right from the beginning, they're hearing you somehow."

The Kleins are Orthodox Jews and their strong religious faith provides an anchor and inspiration for their lives. They get plenty of support from family, friends and strangers who lend a hand, whether it's chipping in to buy the baby paraphernalia they need in duplicate or their 10-year-old neighbor's dropping by at dinner to play with the twins.

But their challenges run beyond the physical. They struggle financially and must brave suggestions that they're not up to the task of parenting. People on the street occasionally make disparaging comments when they see the Kleins rolling down the sidewalk in their wheelchairs, she holding the babies in both arms or now, as they're getting bigger, pushing their double stroller with a specially equipped side handle.

Some strangers have told them that having the twins -whom the couple say were conceived naturally, not in vitro as most people assume - was not responsible. "They say, `These are your kids? How do you plan to raise them?' " Rebecca says. "We say, `Just like you do. God forbid you'd lose your balance and fall down..' I learned in life that whoever has a negative comment, to feel sorry for them. Why do I need to remember what they said? They don't even know me or my husband."

The Kleins rely on government assistance to pay many of their bills. Stuart tutors schoolchildren as much as he can in the afternoon and evening. A part-time aide comes to get Stuart up, washed and dressed each morning, then returns in the evening to help him back to bed. A live-in nanny helps Rebecca do the housekeeping and care for the babies six days a week.

Now that they're a foursome with a live-in nanny, they are bursting out of their $1,600-a-month apartment. The Kleins sleep in the master bedroom, giving their nanny, Hilda Gudiel, the other bedroom. The living room couch and computer desk now fight for breathing space with the two specially designed cribs that open from the side (enabling those in wheelchairs easier access to the babies); a play mat atop what once was an exercise mat for Stuart; a double stroller and assorted other gear, along with another set of manual wheelchairs for the Sabbath, when mechanized equipment is not supposed to be used.

Rebecca, who in the Orthodox Jewish tradition keeps her hair covered at home and tops it with a wig when outside, drives the family around in a specially equipped van that her father bought a few years ago. Stuart, who can move his wrists and hands slightly, manipulates the lever on his electric wheelchair and backs it up into the van, maneuvering it into a wheelchair anchor on the floor where the passenger seat would normally be. Then Rebecca rolls in, using her arm strength to hoist herself into the driver's seat. Even with a cushion, her tiny legs (she's about 4 feet 11) dangle only halfway to the floor.

The couple finally persuaded the city to designate a space in front of their apartment building for the disabled; however, they often return home to find other cars parked there, a big problem because their building's elevator doesn't descend to the garage level. If they opt to park in the garage, they face a steep climb up a ramp.

When possible, they prefer to roll to places themselves. When premature labor put Rebecca into Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles for two weeks before the twins' birth (by Caesarian section), Stuart would ride over from the Fairfax district (where they were temporarily staying with Rebecca's parents) every day in his wheelchair, each day trying to find the fastest and least-bumpy sidewalk routes. He brags about trimming his one-way time from 35 minutes to 20. That beat taking the government-funded van for the disabled, which requires advance booking and has little flexibility if doctors or appointments run late.

Those who know the couple well say they've rarely, if ever, seen the Kleins' optimism waver. Neighbor Dave Jaffe, 75, who has known Stuart for 15 years and attends the same synagogue, notes, "If I were in his shoes, I think I'd be a lousy guy. But on the outside, at least, he's a super guy. I struggle more than he does, I think, as far as attitude."

Stuart was paralyzed in a bizarre fall - from a couch - as a senior in college 20 years ago while on a ski trip. Ask how he dealt with it and he'll note that he "obviously wasn't a happy camper" initially, but then adds how "fantastic" it was to regain sensation after some bone chips were removed a few months later, describing the "incredible blessing" of being able to feel a touch as well as pain "down to my toes."

Although his wrist movement is very limited, Stuart can still type about 30 to 40 words per minute (with one finger), using a sort of rubber-tipped pen attached to a brace. He can use a computer mouse and crudely manipulate a fork or spoon between his first two fingers to eat. He keeps a cordless phone on his lap, hooked to a headset.

Rebecca's bout with polio as a toddler in Jerusalem (because of a skin condition that persists today, doctors thought it better not to immunize her) left her mostly immobilized from the waist down. She compensates by using her arms and upper-body strength to do daily activities like bathing and cooking; she's able to lift, change, dress and feed the babies. In the kitchen, she typically switches over to a more bulky wheelchair that can thrust her up high enough to reach the stove, countertop and sink. She keeps food and often-used dishes in the lower cabinets for easier access.

The couple so inspires Aaron Nourollah, owner of the nearby Glatt Mart, a kosher Middle Eastern emporium full of exotic fruits, vegetables and flatbreads around the corner, that when he learned Rebecca had given birth to twin boys, he offered to pay for the bris. The Kleins didn't know what to expect; they didn't know Nourollah well, although Stuart tutors his nephew. The couple accepted, but privately worried that there might not be enough food to go around, because the ceremony is open to anyone, and after all, these were twin boys born to unusual parents.

The Kleins were delighted - and very touched - when Nourollah laid out an elaborate feast of bagels, assorted fish, salads, danish and cake for the 200 people gathered at the nearby synagogue hall (where his brother Moshe is the rabbi, and which the Nourollahs also had decked out with blue balloons).

"They are a very lovely couple," says Aaron Nourollah, who notes that the Kleins are in marked contrast to the many couples that bickered their way through his grocery aisles, before the store burned down in a fire on Dec. 27.

"All the couples, with all their health, are not as happy as they are," he says. "I watched the way they appreciate each other and they talk to each other. . . . other couples come in and the husband doesn't trust the wife even enough to pick the wine and vice versa and sometimes they end up with one bottle for each of them."

(Begin optional trim)

Although they seem to finish each other's sentences now, it wasn't love at first sight for the pair, who met on a blind date, arranged by friends, at the Four Seasons Hotel in Beverly Hills. She worried about their 15-year age difference but recalls how inspired she was on their second date by how Stuart was able to manipulate his fork while eating dinner at the kosher Milk 'n Honey restaurant - something he learned at a rehab institute in Hungary.

"I saw his disability and I was in awe," Rebecca recalls. "When I came home, I had tears in my eyes because I never appreciated how much I had."

(End optional trim)

Although she had dated able-bodied men, when she went with dates or friends to Disneyland or Universal Studios she would be left behind when they went on rides. And she started to think it might be better to date someone else with a disability so she'd have company. She's glad now, she says, because when the twins are older and friends take them on hikes and the like, Stuart can remain with her on easier turf, and together they can look at photos of the twins' "firsts" that they can't witness firsthand.

(Optional add end)

They kept in touch by phone and e-mail and had occasional dates over the subsequent months. Stuart proposed seven months after they met, while they sat in the van by the Santa Monica pier; he read a favorite poem and they listened to the waves breaking. Six weeks later, dressed in an elaborate wedding gown and in front of about 400 guests, Rebecca rode up to the chuppah in the wheelchair that pushes her body upright, accompanied by her parents, who had moved to the United States when she was 3 to get better medical care for her.

After being married a year and making visits to Florida and to Stuart's family in New York, they began trying to have kids (she warned him that twins ran in her family). When she started eating a jar of pickles a day, they knew. Soon thereafter, the doctor detected two heartbeats. Says Rebecca, "God said, `OK, you want a family, so let's get going.'

supermom

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 2:20 am

I heard this story from my mother in law the only thing that sounds a little strange to me is how is it possible that a person can fall off a couch and become paralyzed? I think there is more to this story that the guy is defintely not telling. All in all it is an incredible story. thanks for sharing

Motek ↓

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 10:17 am

yes, it does seem strange, but what a story!

Hmmm, after the negative comments in the thread about the couple having twins after 30 yrs. of marriage, I'm surprised we haven't heard even more negative comments here ...

and then there's this:

Quote:

THe Kleins rely on government assistance to pay many of their bills

micki ↓

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 10:35 am

I think everyone is afraid to say anything bad. Chas V'sholom I am not BUT I will say what quality of life will those boys have? even though the couple may be the biological parents- (and I wonder how they did that Confused

) the community, nanny, aids, gvernment, are these boys adoptive parents. because take away all the help that they have and pare it down to the 2 parents- just like any of us- and there would be no way for these people to be parents. its impossible for the father to get himself in and out of bed even!!!
whats nice is that they found each other.
so techincally the help is raising the boys and the couple are the biological parents.

I have a friend whos sister is blind and she has a little boy. she cannot raise him alone she needs the help of her parents sister who moved in upstairs to help her, and many govenrment agenccies to help her raise the boy. she can't even do a kosher bedika with out assistance.

am I criticizing the not perfect for choosing to be parents- no way. everyone deserves a chance. but what are the parents bringing those boys into?

↑ Motek ↓

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 10:41 am

hmm, so people were willing to criticize a healthy but older couple for being "irresponsible" but are afraid to seem critical of people with severe disabilities ... In other words, they're judging them, but keeping it to themselves (making believe they're not being judgemental?). Not even an anonymous post!

but Micki - why do you say they are only the biological parents? this couple has all their marbles, they have values and ideas which they can convey to their children! The full-time help is technical assistance, but the parents are fully capable of educating their children, reading to them, teaching them, singing to them, talking to them ...

AweSumThenSum ↓

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 11:41 am

I give this couple all the credit in the world, not only for taking the plunge of marriage - with all its inherent physical and emotional issues - but for taking the mitzvah of p'ru u'revu to the max. there are no guarantees in life!! a perfectly healthy couple can have a family of healthy chidlren, and then a freak accident can render the parents dead or crippled. what then? are u questioning g-d's will? I think these 2 boys will grow up to be caring, and sensitive individuals who will appreciate their able bodiness much more than most of us ever will. I am already jealous of their wives.

Tefila ↓

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 11:43 am

Awesome hooray I definatley agree with you 200%

↑ micki

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 12:57 pm

ok biological and spiritual. but practically parenthood is mostly phyisical.

don't get me wrong- I think its beautiful that they can have children and have them- but their physical handicaps definitly put a bump in the raising of them.

↑ AweSumThenSum

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 1:21 pm

micki, their children will not know of any other parenting first hand, so they will adapt to it much bettr than we think they will.

zuncompany

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 1:45 pm

They sound like amazing people and their kids are lucky kids to have them and to be loved so much!
I am glad my taxpaying dollars goes to some good!
Sara

Pickle Lady

Fri, Feb 18 2005, 4:35 pm

Ok maybe I am a big mush ball... But I had tears in my eyes at the end of the story. I am in total awe over what this couple were able to overcome.

May their boy be a source of huge nachas.

Ozmom

Sat, Feb 19 2005, 7:25 am

Micki I was thinking about what you are saying and I do understand your point, but see, this is the thing

you are saying they can't do the physical side of it without help. true
you bring an example of the blind mother whose family had to move in next to her, I hear ya.
But see, maybe theirtest in life that they are passing with flying colours is how unselfish can they go, how much can they give of themselves to enable someone with a disablility to get the same chance as everyone else. What a big mitzva it must be to take of your own time and to give of your own life to enable someone else to do a mitzva such as bringing a neshoma into this world and raising them up as good Jews.
I think its fantastic at how not just the best of these people are brought out but the best of the people around them as well. Just imagine the magnitude of mitzvas occuring as a result of what these people have taken upon themselves to do. That man donating the catering for example. Look at all the opportunities they have opened for people to give of themselves and grow. Can you imagine just how many people have experienced personal growth from being in contact with these people.

queen

Sun, Feb 20 2005, 1:17 am

I KNOW WHO THE GIRL IS!!!!!!!!!! and it's true. she is a wonderful person who ALWAYS had a smile on her face. was sensitive and kind to everyone, and I'm so happy to hear she had twin children.

Yes, they might need to have help but like other people wrote they are still the parents and are wonderful people.

Those children will grow up to be extremely sensitive and special individuals.

Kol Hakovod. and I feel honored to know the wife!!!!!!

↑ Motek ↓

Sun, Feb 20 2005, 3:35 pm

someone e-mailed me this response to the article:

Quote:

I know this couple - they truly are amazing people and I've heard the nasty comments people make. Why must people always look at things in a negative way instead of being awe-inspired by two disabled people who I'm sure will bring up normal kids? Why is it considered different than two deaf people having hearing kids, or two blind people having seeing kids? Although now that I think about it, I'm sure people make negative comments about them, too. Thanks for spreading the article.

↑ Tefila ↓

Sun, Feb 20 2005, 4:13 pm

Yep that article reminds me of the saying that people always self righteously feel holier then thou. Hashem is making our world go round and if He felt they could have these beautiful babies who are we mortals to say it is wrong.

↑ Motek ↓

Sun, Feb 20 2005, 4:24 pm

weeeell, I wouldn't go that far freilich

a couple can give birth to a mamzer, and that's wrong Confused

↑ Tefila ↓

Sun, Feb 20 2005, 4:33 pm

Yep everything can be looked or taken in extreme I think most of us understand the statement though Wink

↑ Motek

Tue, Jun 21 2005, 8:30 am

here's a picture of the couple and the twins:

http://www.aish.com/spirituali.....h.asp

technic

Tue, Jun 21 2005, 9:57 am

motek that was beautiful - what a couple kyh!...ty 4 posting:)

↑ Tefila

Tue, Jun 21 2005, 11:55 am

That pic and story was printed in our non-jewish paper recently and someone showed it to us.
Except there was another pic w/h her pushing an inglesina two way carriage stroller (Those things are so heavy talking from experiance) via handlebar on her wheelchair. But what really stuck out was there was a shir hamalos hanging on each seat w/h a picture of the Lubavitcher Rebbe on. And no I don't think they r Lubavitch Smile