Why no drill locks? Drill "ve'od eich" with a padlock with either a key or a combination.
Works wonders.
We have one on the fridge at work and before anyone asks, yes it is an Israeli fridge (tadiran-amcor) but it isn't an old one at all...meaning it the problem is serious enough, it's possible.
Isramom how did you sleep? I couldn't fall asleep until 5 and got almost zilch sleep, it's hot here at night even which we aren't used to.
Back to topic.
Why are people who have problems and post about them unwilling to listen to anyone else's suggestions about shortcuts. I'm super organized but have picked up some really good tips here of things which I haven't done for a while. Sure in EY internet shopping for groceries is much more expensive than going to the store but I have a car and I am no longer shopping for a family of five kids full time as some are married and others are away. But if I were? And didn't have a car? Or strength or time? You betcha I would suck up the cost and cut in quantity of food or something like that.
I see my daughter with whom I spent part of yesterday evening. Married, toddler, almost giving birth, husband never around (resident at hospital), working full time. How does she cope? She decides on her priorities. And her priority is raising her son. So the house goes to hades (until her shvigger couldn't stand it anymore and pays for a girl twice a month to do the basics which my daughter doesn't do, like dusting, floors, bathrooms, sinks), she shops basics and doesn't cook, eats very simply (which is how she stays thin and as her husband eats half the time at the hospital it isn't a problem) and all her time from when she comes home from work until she goes to sleep when her toddler does, is devoted to him. Teaching him, playing with him, taking him places etc. she will do the same when the new baby is born and with the one after and after until whenever. Because as she said, her kids are her priority. All the rest is unimportant.
What does that have to do with SAHMs? Well my grandson is the kind who can't sit still for more than 30 seconds, will take apart anything he sees, and climb anywhere. That's why they had to put metal strings on their windows to protect him from falling as he can scramble up a doorframe (yes, at 2 already) and hang from the top. Like his daddy, very agile.
And before anyone says "well she only has one" she also helps out for days on end with her neices and nephews from her husband's sibling and is used to having three and four kids under the age of five in the house at once. And her priorities remain the same.
I couldn't live like that. It's a churva. But as my husband says, just look the other way and see how she raises kids. Which is incredible.
What I mean by this story is that everyone has to make priorities. If it is a priority for you to have a lavish upsheren with lots of full pekelach, as MB decided, it is your right to do so, but there are consequences. If you decide to let the house go to wherever like my daughter, it is your right to do so but there are consequences. I didn't pay for a cleaner for her, heck, I don't have one. It was her choice how to live and she agreed in full, not that she in her right mind would turn down the gift of a bi monthly cleaner by her shvigger. But she wouldn't have dreamed that she should ask for one..
that's the story in everything not only in sending kids to camp. Making lifestyle choices. Your right. Even imposing them on your kids. You're the grownup, so it's your right. Family isn't a democracy. But the world, as nice as it is to say so, isn't an extended family in truth and to expect the world, the community, your neighbors, stam strangers, to financially support your chosen lifestyle? In the first place - milechaschila - in my book that's chutzpa.
Well, as we read in pirkei ovos this week, we live in a dor (generation) of azus metzach, no? That's a nice way of saying "chutzpa"...
No drill locks because we rent. The fridge is not ours to drill on.
I have three kids- 2 1/2, 5, and 7 1/2. My parents and in-laws offer to pay for day camp but they don't owe it to me. I wouldn't ask them to do that for us. It is very generous of them and we appreciate it. I don't have a cleaning lady and I am horrible at cleaning. I do my best and I try to work on it but there is definitely room for improvement. I would rather spend six hours with my kids at the park like I did this Sunday then keep them indoors so that I can clean. Is it hard to have them all outside with me at once? Yes. My husband works long hours and when he is home he is often asleep. My kids are and always will be my priority. It drives my dh crazy that the apartment is not as neat and clean as he would like it to be. It's a major shalom bayis issue for us but I would still not ask for money for a cleaning lady.
Once after a harrowing summer vacation day when kaitana was no longer in session, around midnight after a kid drank a bottle of antibiotics, my DH ran out to buy a drill lock for the fridge. He paid 3 times the price at the only store open. Then when he drilled, he heard a hissing sound.
The episode ended with me giggling hysterically on the phone at midnight to a technician that "my freon escaped", and my DH taking over for my apparant prank call by saying, "Please excuse my wife. You see, I was just drilling into my refigerator..."
Between the expensive lock and the expensive repair, I think day camp cost us less. But it was over.
How on earth can you break a metal padlock unless you have serious tools like a (I want to say) wretch?
Our problem with fridge locks was that pulling hard on the fridge would dislodge the sticky part that kept the lock on.
Wow, I wish I had those skills, I was locked out of my house a few months back (forgot the key)and could have gone in through the back only the door to the garden was locked up with a padlock.
The way I was brought up was that even if someone could technically survive without something....but it would be painful, then it is a chessed and a tzeddakah to help them.
For example:
1. If someone's missing teeth and is walking around with gaping holes in their mouths because they can't afford to fix it, in my book it is a worthy mitzvah to help that person pay for it.
2. If someone has a sheital that looks worse than a mop and their daughter is getting married it is a mitzvah to subsidize or pay for a wig for that person.
3. If someone can't afford day camp and their kids are dancing up to their neck for two months straight...it is a mitzvah to help pay for it.
4. If someone is struggling to cope with a house full of young kids it is a mitzvah to help them clean their homes for shabbos or to pay someone to.
You get my point. We are about helping people who need help. Whether they are struggling with young kids, financial difficulties, emotional help whatever....the point is not whether I can manage without these things, the point is am I in a position to help, and if I am, then it is with great pleasure.
How did I miss this wonderful post?
It seems to me that we have different definitions of what charity is than the others here.
But giving this "charity" to people who don't need it, it causing a perpetual problem to society at large, causing the ridiculous standard to be raised and making it harder and harder for families to hit the "minimum standard."
So it hurts rather than helps.
Charity doesn't mean giving the person everything they ask for.
Gryp - for the record, I think that children who are 9 or above should get a chance to go to sleepover camp, if that's what everyone in their community is.
But little kids? Great, if you can afford it.
And what are you talking about kids over 5 being harder?? I have a 5, 4 and 1 year old. They need assistance with most everything, and need guidance in their play. I manage it because we cant afford camp, and because I'm loving it.
And I resent the supermommy sarcastic comments, I'm just dealing with my life, without complaining about it. Not doing it perfectly, or even well some days. But we are doing it and having fun for the most part.
Personally, I wouldn't send to overnight camp before age 9. I know younger kids go but I like for my kids to be more self-sufficient before sending them off for a month.
Quick anecdote: I know a young boy who is in overnight camp this summer as his home life isn't the best. His teacher got him into the camp, as he thought it was important for this boy to have some time away from "home." Anyway, on visiting day when all the parents come up and take their kids out for the day, the teacher took the time to travel to camp and spend the day with his student.
There are some very special people in this world.
It wasn't me who said kids 5 years and up are harder. My kids aren't like that. I have a difficult 8 year old who is like 3 kids in 1, and his developmental age varies between a two year old and six year old. I have an almost 6 yr old who is mostly easygoing but not very dependable. A 4.5 yr old who is mostly irritable. A just turned 3 year old who can almost never be reasoned with, and an almost 2 yr old who has started her terrible twos, fast and furious.
I was never complaining and I don't complain. Nobody is complaining as much as giving a little picture of what their life is like. The point was, when someone says she needs help with her children, you help. I personally respect individuals enough that when someone says she needs help, I believe her, unless I see clear evidence to the contrary. I don't start telling her how lazy and spoiled she is, how she has a chutzpah to even think of asking for help, and that everyone has it tough. Or that if she would just live life like I do, all her problems would be solved.
Everybody's different. Yesterday I made a mistake. I woke up at 6 AM, did two loads of laundry, cleaned up the living room and bedrooms, monitored the kids' morning schedules, served breakfast, and got them ready for camp. By 8 AM I was burnt out. I needed 1/2 hour or so to recuperate. BH I was able to get it. But if not, no amount of anyone telling me how lazy, spoiled, or blessed I am, would have recuperated me. I don't have a lot of stamina, the heat and humidity melts me, and mornings were never my time of the day. Do I do what I have to do anyway? Yes, of course, but according to my own pace so that I don't turn into a shmattah. Not according to what everybody else in the world can do.
Therefore, I can relate. If someone says they need help, I try to help them. End of story.
And, amazingly, summer camp is referred to as.... (drum roll)... a luxury!
"The pressure is on as never before. The tight economy has made private traditional sleep-away camps like Pine Forest seem even more of a luxury, even for many upper-middle-class families who have sent their children to such programs for generations. All the usual business headaches — personnel, logistics, marketing, customer service — matter more than ever."
"Established private sleep-away camps have enjoyed a built-in client base: the children of alumni. Many used to have waiting lists. But lately, many of the doctors, lawyers and small-business owners who make up this base have cut back, Mr. Black says. Some have turned to grandparents to help cover the cost of camp."
The camp directors are, what else.... Jewish! As were the original campers way back when this camp started.
Sometimes the family who would need camp the most is the one with the least ability to finance it. Much depends on where one lives. If the home is small, the toys few, and places to play are either unsafe or difficult to access, or non-existent, then camp can mean a whole lot in terms of education (play is education for a child) and health.
A well run camp can help a child to see other worlds then the narrow view currently available to them; I don't mean simply horses or swimming pools, but art and music, and companionship and grass and trees. In can mean a week or two or more free from an oppressive environment. It can mean clean air and better eating.
This isn't always true of course, there is no "absolutes". But camp can be a luxury or a necessity.
@gryp...that was a lovely story, and I agree with you.
Sometimes the family who would need camp the most is the one with the least ability to finance it. Much depends on where one lives. If the home is small, the toys few, and places to play are either unsafe or difficult to access, or non-existent, then camp can mean a whole lot in terms of education (play is education for a child) and health.
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I don't know what this is called... an oxymoron, perhaps? It's like the eternal question of whether it's better to be rich and healthy or poor and sick. Of COURSE a disadvantaged family needs the luxury more; if they weren't disadvantaged, they wouldn't be in that situation in the first place!
Poverty has it's disadvantages. Wealth has it's advantages. That's just life.
Sometimes the family who would need camp the most is the one with the least ability to finance it. Much depends on where one lives. If the home is small, the toys few, and places to play are either unsafe or difficult to access, or non-existent, then camp can mean a whole lot in terms of education (play is education for a child) and health.
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I don't know what this is called... an oxymoron, perhaps? It's like the eternal question of whether it's better to be rich and healthy or poor and sick. Of COURSE a disadvantaged family needs the luxury more; if they weren't disadvantaged, they wouldn't be in that situation in the first place!
Poverty has it's disadvantages. Wealth has it's advantages. That's just life.
I'm talking about specific needs vs wants: ie that something which is a "want" for one person is a "need" for another.
If I've a house and yard and a playground/park something similar in the area, I might not need camp for my kids. Sure they'll be less bored maybe if they could go away etc. etc. but they wouldn't need it the way a child who lives in three rooms and has very few toys and nowhere to play. That's the point. It would be luxury for a person who is wealthier but can't afford it, than for a impoverished person who can't access the basics.
Sending a child who is impoverished to camp can help improve their overall situation immediately and in the future.
For who are new shoes for YT a luxury? Someone with 5 pairs of Shabbos shoes in her closet, or someone whose only Shabbos shoes broke irreparably two months ago?
Who needs a vacation more? The woman who eats out in a restaurant twice weekly, can buy in take-out whenever she feels like a break, can relax every evening in her A/C freshly-cleaned room (by her cleaner) etc, or the one who makes every single Shabbos herself 52 weeks a year and scrubs her own toilet?
This is just what we're saying - this is real life.
What about running courses on making games out of regular household items, starting a library for toys, games and books etc. Tzeddakas could even give vouchers to buy games - a fraction of the price of sending to camp.
I agree with what saw said - what this kind of tzeddaka system is doing is getting vast numbers of people to live beyond their means, so that becomes the new 'norm' that everyone has to conform to. Just look how many people are saying they have to send to camp because all their children's friends are away.
