(I dare you not to look) WRITERS CLUB part 2

↑ robynm ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 11:32 am

sunshine! wrote:

I stand at the bottom
Looking up
Towering, majestic
The peak lost in the clouds

Can I succeed?
Is it worth a start?
Should I attempt it?
The climb to the top

I begin to climb
I heave, I struggle
I lose my footing
I lose my drive

But something is propelling me on
I see the summit, I see an end
I renew my wavering conviction
I think I can, I think I can

More than halfway up,
The goal within my reach
And finally the top
In all its splendid glory

I fling out my aching arms
Taking in the majesty
I look down, way down
To the place I had been before

I persevered and attained it
My goal of reaching the peak
I feel so free I feel release
Never before having felt so complete

I want to know (if I may) whats the inspiration behind this?

↑ sunshine! ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 11:45 am

Just a suggestion if I may:
Since we now have our own forum, perhaps we should stick to a topic per forum post topic so we don't run into 6 or 7 pages that people find tedious to read. For example if I write about "struggles" I would start a new post and label it as such. Anyone having pieces to add or critique to share can post it there. If a new topic is started, a new post topic should be started.

Yes? No? Why or why not?

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 11:51 am

sunshine! wrote:

hmm... the struggle to achieve, the actual accomplishment. you seem to focus more on the struggle than the achievement. I'd like to see more emotion at the end. was all that worth it to feel "so complete?"

this one also smells of teen spirit. (sorry, couldn't resist there). is this a recent poem? I feel like this one tries too hard. your other poems seemed more real to me. I think the reason this seems less real is the "vocabulary" words thrown in. persevere, propelling, conviction thrown in to a poem of mostly simple words. the number of questions in the beginning really indicates teenager.

ok, to sum it up, the poet starts as a teenager and ends as a calm (perhaps too calm?) adult. I think an adult would feel "elated" at the top, and a teen would be jumping for joy at the very least. even if only internally. if the goal is completeness, I think the climb has to be described less as an effort and more as a specific mountain.

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 11:53 am

sunshine! wrote:

I'm up for it, but I kind of like the variety here. I think we should start a new thread every week. if each thread was for a theme, I'd have to open a new thread specific to plumber-bashing, and another for chocolate-oding. the former would be empty, the latter overcrowded. Smile

I think it's more fun this way. and no one has to read the whole thread.

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 11:57 am

ode to the first six pages of my paper:

paper, you are somewhat written
typed in letters small
filled with ideas, quotes, and nonsense
ballads, one and all

and when I finish my eighth page
and sit back with a sigh
I'll have to rewrite you completely.
my deadline's drawing nigh.

sunshine, what theme would we put that under? homework? ridiculous odes by mummiedearest? mummiedearest's obsession with her lit paper?

say, I like that. I challenge everyone to write a poem about my obsession with my lit paper.

Very Happy

↑ superjew ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 12:02 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

superjew wrote:

Feeling hip
Feeling chipper
I walk down the street with a skip in my step
hippity hop

I look up & see birds flying
The sun shining bright
Grass seems greener like on the other side
Breezy winds makes my dress flow
hippity hop

Hair blowing across my face
squirrels scurry across the lane
I smile & wave to the neighbor
hippity hop

(honestly, I'm tempted to have some sort of 'snap back to reality' ending. But I'm trying to keep it happy. Anyone see where this is going? I'm lost. I might come up with something soon, but if anyone wants to add feel free!)

I'm so happy
I'm so blessed
this life of mine is so great
it isn't that it is perfect
its that I feel it is so
with all the super people in my life
I've come to love it so.

ok, ms. rabbit. wow, you hippity-hop a lot. I somehow doubt you really hippity-hop while waving to neighbors. I hate to say this, but this kind of reminds me of the theme song to a generic girly cartoon... I can see the main character with big anime-eyes hopping down the street, waving at the neighbors, giggling merrily along... with disney squirrels and birds hopping along with her.

superjew, can you write something in between absolute misery and absolute giddiness? give us a taste of you, not the taste of one extreme emotion at a time. you have more depth than this. this is good at conveying over-the-top happiness, but to what end?

please don't be insulted. I'm going to duck now...

haha, no need to duck. You're right. I never even noticed that...I usually do write in an extreme way. When it comes to myself, that is. I dont know I guess I feel like I'm to bland for poetry. I'll try.

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 12:06 pm

superjew wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

superjew wrote:

if you have a hard time writing about yourself in a non-extreme way, write about something else. we'll see you in it, don't worry. you're not bland, you have plenty to say. don't dress yourself up so much. have you thought of giving your poetry plots? I suspect you'd be good at story-telling. give it a shot. (don't rush it, though. good stories need to marinade.)

↑ superjew ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 12:09 pm

robynm wrote:

superjew wrote:

I dont know. I have a hard time believing in the emotion in this poem. you could write however you want. I think that a person writes based on who they are. and that you can tell a lot about a person basd on how they write and what they write about. its a glimpse of the inners of our hearts. does that mean we're all depressed? maybe? but so what? a singer sings how they feel and you can tell when its fake.

im not a super cheery person, so most probably anything I write wont be too cheery... bc thats how id express myself...

yea, you're right. I feel the same way. I just felt bad about dropping my teenage dark ones on everyone at once. I figured this would cheer everyone up. Rolling Eyes

I do need to figure out how I can write in reflecting of me in my non darkest place. I dont know why but when I write I always find that place open up & leak on my paper. I'm not that dark & negative on the outside, I'm actually really happy (maybe not cheery though) I will try to write honestly though. That was pretty forced, hence why you felt it was fake Smile

It deff was.

↑ superjew ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 12:27 pm

I sit here, the light off
Its kinda dark but not just yet
I pick at my hair, pondering.
What is it with me that does this so.
Do I know what I want or where I want to go?

There are days that I feel the road ahead is clear
but many times I feel that its just an endless battle.
We always have something to learn
always something to gain.
Theres always something more out there
Its just never enough

and honestly?
I'm sick of wanting it all
I want to be able to sit down and smile
I want to accept where I am
and how I am
I want to stop trying to grow
I want to stop working so hard

We strive to be happy
we strive to be better each day
It makes me sick to my stomach
A sick cycle of trying too hard

Is this giving up?
or
Is this acceptance?

↑ sunshine! ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 12:29 pm

robynm wrote:

ur job is not to cheer anybody up, its to express ur self how ever u like. and thats all that you or anyone expects of you. if you are looking to be a happier person, than thats something that you have to work on, itll show if your faking it, through your writing.

look at my work, what message do u usually get? what felign or emotion do u usually get?

I get the feeling that you are in a place where you need motivation to continue plodding down the path of life and whatever comes at you. It sounds like you are burnt out from the hand life has dealt you and you have no zest anymore.

cuties' mom

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 12:37 pm

Who Am I?

My mommy says
I'm her precious boy,
a wonderful child
full of spunk.

My tatti says
I'm still a baby.
I don't know right from wrong.
But I'm a good kid.

My therapist says
I flap my hands too much.
I bang my head too much.
I must be autistic.

My baby-sitter says
I'm smart.
I ignore her when its clean-up time
but go to the table for lunch.

Who am I?
My mommy says I'm her precious boy.
That's a good enough answer
for me.

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 12:43 pm

cuties' mom wrote:

nice. I like this one very much.