(I dare you not to look) WRITERS CLUB part 2

↑ HindaRochel ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 9:37 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

the world's best mom wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

robynm wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

lettuce, lettuce everywhere
and not a drop to drink.

hmmmm... deep or shallow?

thats all I get?

we're in deep lettuce here.

is there really that much pressure? hang out with other people, girl. that poem is scary.

while we're asking for reactions, no one noticed my second rhyming poem! gasp! and I actually put in effort on the rhymes! sigh! oh, my, oh, chicken soup with rice!

Yes, Mummy Dearest, I did notice your second rhyming poem. While it was trying to prove why you shouldn't rhyme, it actually showed that you are quite good at it.

be that as it may, it took me way longer to write that short bit. I did have fun with it, but if I want to convey something serious, I'm generally not going to go in that direction. I did have fun poking fun at myself. and now, an ode to a female's best friend:

mayhap I will chance to find
over by yon tree
a chocolate of some darkish kind
to soothe the nerves of me

for in my soul I know that I
can't still my quivering hands
without that sweet, sweet chocolate
from the slopes of Switzerland.

a chocolate has many a face
a nugget-sized calming friend
within my life it's made its place
until digestion's end.

I shall not forsake my chocolate
over by yon tree
for it shall find its golden fate
deep down inside of me.

I love this!!!! Satirical and funny.

In terms of rhyming...I like all forms of poetry...play, using visual imagery along with the music of the words, rhyming, free form, iambic, haiku...the form (should) complement the words.

↑ HindaRochel ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 9:42 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

HindaRochel wrote:

YESH!!!! And my first entry: (I've had a very busy few says and haven't looked at the other writings yet)

Who am I?

Constructing,destructing,adding,amending
there's no ending
till the final ending.

How can I avow,
that this is THE me?
A minute from NOW
Another me will be!

Constructing,destructing,adding, amending
there's no ending
till the final ending.

So here's the answer
to what you are asking
There is no I here
only I becoming

I like the last line. "I becoming" is a great phrase.

there's no ending till the final ending-- interesting. sort of a contradiction of itself, don't you think? in order for something to be a final ending, there have to be previous endings. very interesting. I like the thought of you constantly evolving. it gives me the image of a shapeshifter stuck between shapes. a little bit of everything.

Thank you!!!

And yes, it is sort of contradictory (I also need to correct the line "to what you are asking " to "to what you're asking) as it is one syllable too long ... )

My image when I wrote the poem was of a person being filled and altered with tiny pieces of light.

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 6:20 am

sunshine! wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

sunshine! wrote:

Why should I trust
A world that betrays
The trust I put into it?

Why should we share
Why should we care
The judgment never ceases

I was wrong
You were right
Fingers all keep pointing

Cruelty is shown
No forgiveness known
A world so cold and callous

Break the chains
That binds me here
To people I despise

Let me go
Be free of man
No more pain again

your input pleas...

wow. the poet really doesn't like people. that just slaps you in the face. it's interesting how the structure wavers. it's also interesting to note that though "forgiveness not known," which seems to be a major issue in the poem, the rest of the poem is completely unforgiving of the world in general. it's an interesting concept, certainly.

The poet actually does like people! Sometimes naively so. This poem was written in the dark teenage years or self discovery and rebelliousness. B'h perspective has been restored and life is all good now!

Glad to hear that ;-) I was thinking how versatile you must be, to have a sn like sunshine yet write that. Care to do one reflecting on who you are now?

↑ superjew ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 7:59 am

Here are some from my teenage years (those that thought my current ones are dark, check out these! Rolling Eyes

You've been warned: Exclamation

Battle:

Feeling captured by a chain
with all bitterness & pain
only fear & hurt I gain
my tears pour down like rain
watching the blood stain
as I fight; this battle wont sustain

heads churning, voices screaming in my brain
so loud, loud as a subway train
soon I'll go insane
as I see all I did was in vain.

Trying:

When feelings so dark & deep
down under it all so hard to keep
through all the smiles, tears seem to seep
and after it all, breakdown, I begin to weep.

Holding on:

I try to hold my grip
tears fall down past my lip
watching is slowly, drip by drip
gasping for breath, just get a sip
all muscles tremble about to rip
I leave go, let myself trip
falling, falling fast in a zip.

The end of the tunnel:

Working hard in this fight
holding on to life too tight
the blood drips out of sight
clenching my teeth; trying not to bite
eyes bulge and my face turns white
as my feelings turn to fear & fright
thinking of loosing I just might
I know all this isn't right
and all I need is to be bright
and see it all in a new light.

The end:

To me no one is dear
again pulling at my hair
the blood drips with no fear
lying cold, my death is near
all my thoughts I begin to hear
knowing no one will care
wondering what I am doing here
down my cheek runs a tear
thinking, it was a good year
then, too late, lifeless - I need no air.

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 8:22 am

superjew wrote:

Here are some from my teenage years (those that thought my current ones are dark, check out these! Rolling Eyes

You've been warned: Exclamation

superjew--

these poems are a struggle to read in a couple of ways--

a) you posted them all together. too much madness in one post.
b) the pain in each poem is struggling to come out fully. it's there, but the rhyming really does get in the way in certain instances. the rhyming has to be effortless to allow the pain through. at times it reminds me of rap music. there is a beat to some of the lines that lends it to reading aloud rather than with the eyes.
c) the teenagerness of you as a teen is shining through, bright as day. teens are starting to scare me...

was everyone here miserable as a teen? depression makes for great authors, but wow. we were all a bunch of sad kids. anyone here have a happy teen poem?

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 8:31 am

[quote="mummiedearest

was everyone here miserable as a teen? depression makes for great authors, but wow. we were all a bunch of sad kids. anyone here have a happy teen poem?[/quote]

I was just thinking this! My mother died when I was a teenager but I never wrote anything like this. I think it's not an abnormal teenage thing to do though, not that any of my kids have, but that's the impression I get.

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 8:41 am

PinkFridge wrote:

[quote="mummiedearest

was everyone here miserable as a teen? depression makes for great authors, but wow. we were all a bunch of sad kids. anyone here have a happy teen poem?

I was just thinking this! My mother died when I was a teenager but I never wrote anything like this. I think it's not an abnormal teenage thing to do though, not that any of my kids have, but that's the impression I get.[/quote]

how do you know your kids haven't written horribly depressing poetry? I kept a whole journal of them. my mom never saw them. she probably didn't know I was writing it at all. teenagers are seriously scary...

↑ superjew ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 9:02 am

Yea, it is scary when teens are depressed. Something about that time in life where it feels like there is no hope. Now, I'm such a different person, although I do get sad sometimes, it isn't at all like that.

Sorry that I just bombarded you guys with the darkest of my writings...just found it in my box of memories ( LOL

)
I'm going to have to work on a cheery, chipper writing soon to get us all out of this mood!!!! Exclamation

↑ superjew ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 9:12 am

Feeling hip
Feeling chipper
I walk down the street with a skip in my step
hippity hop

I look up & see birds flying
The sun shining bright
Grass seems greener like on the other side
Breezy winds makes my dress flow
hippity hop

Hair blowing across my face
squirrels scurry across the lane
I smile & wave to the neighbor
hippity hop

(honestly, I'm tempted to have some sort of 'snap back to reality' ending. But I'm trying to keep it happy. Anyone see where this is going? I'm lost. I might come up with something soon, but if anyone wants to add feel free!)

I'm so happy
I'm so blessed
this life of mine is so great
it isn't that it is perfect
its that I feel it is so
with all the super people in my life
I've come to love it so.

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 9:41 am

superjew wrote:

ok, ms. rabbit. wow, you hippity-hop a lot. I somehow doubt you really hippity-hop while waving to neighbors. I hate to say this, but this kind of reminds me of the theme song to a generic girly cartoon... I can see the main character with big anime-eyes hopping down the street, waving at the neighbors, giggling merrily along... with disney squirrels and birds hopping along with her.

superjew, can you write something in between absolute misery and absolute giddiness? give us a taste of you, not the taste of one extreme emotion at a time. you have more depth than this. this is good at conveying over-the-top happiness, but to what end?

please don't be insulted. I'm going to duck now...

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 9:48 am

a hate poem to my plumber

plumber, you are evil.
you shall soon taste my wrath
I pity those who hire you
to fix a broken bath

for you are crooked
nasty, too
for there's one thing
you just won't do:

FIX THE BOILER!
FIX THE BOILER!
FIX THE STUPID
LEAKY BOILER!

you know, the one you just installed?
it was purchased new
and when we informed your office
of the leak that sprang up you

pushed us off
avoided our calls
got us ticked
you had the gall
to take our money
bold as mice
and give us
faulty merchandise

and so we are reporting you
to authorities that be
and if you lose your business
no sympathy will we
bestow upon you, plumber dear,
for you deserve your fate
and if you come complain to us,
we will respond
TOUGH NOOGIES!

↑ sunshine! ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 9:57 am

mummiedearest wrote:

sorry you are dealing with this unbelievable aggravation

↑ robynm ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 10:01 am

superjew wrote:

I dont know. I have a hard time believing in the emotion in this poem. you could write however you want. I think that a person writes based on who they are. and that you can tell a lot about a person basd on how they write and what they write about. its a glimpse of the inners of our hearts. does that mean we're all depressed? maybe? but so what? a singer sings how they feel and you can tell when its fake.

im not a super cheery person, so most probably anything I write wont be too cheery... bc thats how id express myself...

↑ robynm ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 11:11 am

a minute

I want to take a minute
and say some things
that are on my mind
cuz im afraid
that if I dont say them now
that I might not say them at all
or might not feel them later

I might not always understand
it might not be clear
or could be painful
and hard
trust me it is

its in my nature to run
and hide
dig my head in the ground
and avoid the truth
pretend alls good
but I cant escape

especially when I know
what is real
what is true
I may choose to ignore
its not out of ignorance
or stupidity

I see it everywhere
I feel it everywhere

but I choose to shut it down

so im going to take a minute
and say some things
that are on my mind
before I need to shut down again

minute's over

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Tue, Jan 11 2011, 11:18 am

robynm wrote:

you took your minute, but I'm not sure what you said. am I correct in understanding that you pull an ostrich stunt intentionally on a regular basis but you don't do it out of stupidity?

just summarizing Smile

I'd like to stick my plumber's head in the ground Twisted Evil