(I dare you not to look) WRITERS CLUB part 2

↑ robynm ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 3:11 pm

GUESS WHAT?!??!

WE HAVE OUR OWN FORUM!!!

THANK YOU YAEL!!!! Hooray

it will be open for a short time to gain momentum, then make will become private once we have members in the group.

anyone interested should sign up for the group by clicking on usergroups.

questions/comments welcome here or u can PM me

Robyn

where there is a will, there is a way 8)

eschaya ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 3:34 pm

This poem is not about "I" - I call it "miracles" - but it really is about me since a one of the themes of my life has been seeing Hashem and His miracles in the beauty of nature and science.

I've chanced upon a Miracle
A glimpse of the Beyond
The Shadow of the Infinite
The rhythm of world song.
The time defying stream of light
that lives forever in a flash
The frigid background echo
of Creation of the past.
The hummingbird whose heart beats
hundred times while mine beats once
The swiftly changing seasons that
paint portraits of each month.
A swirling sphere of methane gas
that dances cross the sky
The fragile strands of nerve
that carry color to eye.
The savage winds of storm
and the stillness under sea
The endless worlds of stars
whispering of mystery.
I know these all are Miracles
and hints of Something Greater.
As I peer towards their reality
I sense the world's Creator.

HindaRochel ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 3:34 pm

YESH!!!! And my first entry: (I've had a very busy few says and haven't looked at the other writings yet)

Who am I?

Constructing,destructing,adding,amending
there's no ending
till the final ending.

How can I avow,
that this is THE me?
A minute from NOW
Another me will be!

Constructing,destructing,adding, amending
there's no ending
till the final ending.

So here's the answer
to what you are asking
There is no I here
only I becoming

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 3:40 pm

the world's best mom wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

robynm requests I write
and not discuss the writings.
I suspect she likes the sight
of poems,
but not fightings.

there, I rhymed something.

criticise, please Smile

This is a very clever poem. I like it. You should try rhyming more often.

I could rhyme more often, but my rhyming poems tend not to have any sense of sincerity in them at all.

rhyming, rhyming, rhyming lines
gets me saddled with some fines
for witticisms, short and tense
written down at the expense
of the reader, whose former smile
may disappear from lack of guile
combined with boring lack of tone
and so, my rhyming days are done.

perhaps.

ok, I didn't rhyme perhaps. of course, that's my favorite line Smile

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 3:42 pm

superjew wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

superjew wrote:

The answer is 'one will never know who I am, nor I' but again, I don't put too much thought into it. I just wrote

but if you answered the question, why not leave it at that? and in that case, why will you never know who you are?

just curious, what's the first thing you say when someone asks you about yourself? is this a question of really not knowing who you are, or having too many roles to decide which one is your primary identity in life?

if my english class demeanor bothers you, tell me to stop Smile

Ok , stop! Tongue Out

I usually have meaning to what I write, but I dont like to go about it so seriously. I'm not sure which one it is, I just know that it something I'm not sure of (at times)

I respectfully stop Wink

↑ the world's best mom ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 3:59 pm

eschaya wrote:

Eschaya, I really like this poem. It has a definite rhythm, and is not tied up with trying to rhyme, though there is one nice rhyme that I think adds a lot. It paints a clear picture of Hashem's world in all it's beauty.

↑ robynm ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 4:03 pm

an extra scoop? I think so
salad for lunch? I think not
sprinkels? you bet
splenda? no way
2 slices? for sure
fruit? I can do that

am I bunny rabbit that I can live off of lettuce all day.
a size 2 is not for me. hell, a size 12, maybe.
WHY THE PRESURE.
is it doing any good.
im going to lay on my death bed and think back.
hmmm how many salads did I eat.
or how many ice cream sundays.

I work hard every day
to accept me for me
and not compare to others
I want to enjoy this life I was given
not waste it
trying to fit in
to an impossible
quota

you decide

↑ theoneandonly

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 4:49 pm

mummiedearest wrote:

theoneandonly wrote:

the world's best mom wrote:

Alone with me

I’m alone in the house.
Noone’s in here but me.
I begin to think
Am I who I want to be?

I’m a mother of three.
I try to be a good wife.
I have many hobbies
That add to my life.

I feel quite fulfilled.
I think I’ve done well.
(Though I’ve made some mistakes
Which I hope you won’t tell.)

I have some good friends
And we have lots of fun.
Not too many enemies
From whom I must run.

Then I think what will happen
Achar Mayah V’Esrim.
Will Hashem think I’m good
When I return to Heaven?

What about all of the
Lashon Hara I’ve said,
And the times that I’ve potched
My kids who were bad?

Did I really keep Shabbos
The best that I could?
Do I respect my husband
As much as I should?

And how many times
Have I seen people in need?
Have I tried to help out
Or was I too full of greed?

While it’s easy to think
I’m the best I can be,
It’s important to remember
Hashem Who created me.

For His eye always sees
And His ear always hears.
He hears our hearts secrets
And sees all our fears.

He knows when we try
The hardest we can,
And He knows when we’re lazy,
He Who created man.

I'm jealous of your rhyming ability. I feel like I can't rhyme without sounding like Dr Seuss, but your rhymes flow really well, and the short lines give the poem a good rhythm.

hey, hey! what's wrong with sounding like dr. seuss? the man was an incredibly successful children's author and illustrator as well as political commentator. if you sound like dr. seuss, you should be proud!

now then, world's best mom,

do you really consider laziness to be the opposite of trying hard? did you mean laziness, or apathy? this poem seems to be a chesbon hanefesh. it's interesting to see that all boil down to being lazy.

I meant Dr Seuss Like One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish type rhymes. If I could really match up to Dr Seuss' genius, I'd be thrilled.

↑ robynm ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 4:57 pm

Lady Godiva wrote:

robynm wrote:

Not all women
who are a size 2
Eat like they are bunnies

You don't want to compare
But that's what you do
When you think that all size 2 hunnies

Don't eat and enjoy
The pleasures of food
And instead save all their monies

To buy lettuce and leaves
And no ice cream or treats
And run to the bathroom with runnies Twisted Evil

I like the rebuttal!!!

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 5:05 pm

HindaRochel wrote:

I like the last line. "I becoming" is a great phrase.

there's no ending till the final ending-- interesting. sort of a contradiction of itself, don't you think? in order for something to be a final ending, there have to be previous endings. very interesting. I like the thought of you constantly evolving. it gives me the image of a shapeshifter stuck between shapes. a little bit of everything.

↑ mummiedearest ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 6:40 pm

robynm wrote:

mummiedearest wrote:

lettuce, lettuce everywhere
and not a drop to drink.

hmmmm... deep or shallow?

thats all I get?

we're in deep lettuce here.

is there really that much pressure? hang out with other people, girl. that poem is scary.

while we're asking for reactions, no one noticed my second rhyming poem! gasp! and I actually put in effort on the rhymes! sigh! oh, my, oh, chicken soup with rice!

↑ PinkFridge ↓

Mon, Jan 10 2011, 7:08 pm

Personally, I like to write poems in rhyme. It gives me structure, and it's a challenge to make each line work into the pattern yet work into something meaningful.
I do appreciate prose, and appreciate everyone needing to express themselves in their own unique ways. But if you ever see my name on something that makes you want to put on a beret and bring out the bongos
(Death
dark
dark death
in the deathly dark)
you can be fairly sure I didn't write it.