Intrusive or Helpful? Unasked for Advice

Log in / Sign Up

List of Forums + New Post Recipe Box Usergroups Following My Posts Bookmarks

Private Messages Rules New User Guide FAQ Advertise Contact Us

Forum -> Children's Health

View latest: 24h 48h 72h

Motek ↓

Thu, Dec 16 2004, 8:32 pm

what do you think of this article? do you welcome or reject unsolicited advice?

http://www.aish.com/jewishissu.....d.asp

Tefila ↓

Fri, Dec 17 2004, 12:50 pm

Welcome noooo! but all I do is say your right, laugh it off and continue on my way, don't do anything different.
Never forget I was standing in line one sunday with my oldest waiting to pass the Lubavitcher Rebbe and this oldish women tells me don't wrap infant so much he is too hot it can be dangerous take off the hat , so I took off hat etc only to be told further down that how could I dress an infant in this weather without a hat. Well I didn't even bother justifying at that point.
But from then on I learnt you have parents, friends whom you will ask when needed but anyone else.... ignore, ignore, ignore!!!
And yes it is precisely b/c we Jews care about each other that we get sometimes unwanted advice Smile

Rochel Leah ↓

Sat, Dec 18 2004, 11:34 pm

I welcome unsolicited advice, only if it said in a a way that shows the person cares...as a new mom, I got so much of:"cover him up", "he's too hot" and I couldnt handle it, I was adjusting to a whole new life, learning new skills and survival methods, I didnt want to hear anyhting from anybody. It once came to a point that my husband told a lady off for telling me what to do..thinking back it was really funny, cuz, my mother in law was there at the time and the lady says: Cover him up he's cold." ( it was 90 degress outside and we were all sweatinng buckets including sz) so my husband said to the lady : " the bubby is here, we dont need another one." B'H my mother in law isnt bad about giving unwated advice, she lets me be a mom how I want to.

anyways I am rambling, but one thing for sure, now I fell stronger , and not weepy like those first months, so I can brush it off. people need to be sensitive when giving advice to moms, especially new ones.

↑ Motek

Sun, Dec 19 2004, 8:04 am

Quote:

so I took off hat etc only to be told further down that how could I dress an infant in this weather without a hat

funny!

I'd like to think I'd be open to good advice - like in the article, someone pointing out the sun roasting the kids - I hope I wouldn't be so stupid to reject that advice just because I didn't think of it!

ForeverYoung
Guest

Sun, Dec 26 2004, 9:35 pm

as said above - depends how it was said.

and in Israel - I nkow that it's a special place, and I wouldn' t be as annoyed as in US.

1stimer ↓

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 2:26 am

ForeverYoung wrote:

and in Israel - I nkow that it's a special place, and I wouldn' t be as annoyed as in US.

I dunno about that...

I was at the doctor's with my six week old baby during a hot summer's day when an israeli woman told me that my baby was too cold, and I should listen to her, because she had many kids and he was my first and I didn't know much...

(when she felt my baby she agreed he was warm enough but then complained that I bought him into an air conditioned room...!!!!)

Pearl ↓

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 6:21 am

having raised 2 children in Israel, I must say that israeli women (and men!) do have a tendency to shower you with unwanted advise! Even when I had my second before any of my friends had their second, they still felt they knew better... Exploding anger

when my daughter was almost 2 years old, I was standing in line at the bank, and she was sucking on a dried abricot. a woman came up to my, screaming how dare I give my daughter hard candy! Twisted Evil

Well, I told her off, and then everybody mingled in the discussion, etc, etc...
Here in Europe I don't get a lot of unwanted advise, and I do enjoy that!
By the way, I learned that you should dress your child as you dress yourself...why put on a sweater on a baby, if it is so warm that you walk around in a t-shirt?

↑ 1stimer

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 7:26 am

Pnina wrote:

By the way, I learned that you should dress your child as you dress yourself...why put on a sweater on a baby, if it is so warm that you walk around in a t-shirt?

To keep people happy! LOL

↑ Pearl

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 7:32 am

yehudis ↓

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 12:24 pm

A close friend of mine wrote this Smile

↑ Tefila

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 12:58 pm

Yehudis wrote whaaat? Confused

↑ Rochel Leah

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 1:59 pm

A friend of our who live in Is rael told us that the health department was warning parents against overdressing their babies in the summer as it can cause overheating etc..

It would drive me crazy when my baby was so obviuosly sweating and people would say cover him up...

hadasa

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 2:45 pm

Both my husbaand and I are the youngest child, so we used to get a lot of advice from older, (supposedly) wiser siblings and sibling-in-laws.

I once spent the first days of Yom Tov at one b-I-l's. My oldest was eight months at the time. I was trying to put him to sleep, and my b-I-l was telling me, "Just let him cry it out, he has to learn to fall asleep, he's just crying because he's overtired, if you leave him alone he'll fall asleep, etc."

The last days of Yom Tov we went to a different b-I-l's. Now I put my baby to bed and let him cry. This time, I had the b-I-l tell me, "Why is he crying, he can't be crying for no reason, maybe he's hot, he's cold, he's hungry, he's thirsty, he needs to be changed, he can't be crying just because he's tired!"

After Yom Tov, we went back to the first house. This time, I took out a child-raising book and decided to follow it to the letter. (I was the youngest, with no previous experience with babies, remember?) When my sister-in-law laughed at me, "You believe what you read in books?!" I said, "Believe me, it's much easier to follow one book than the advice of over twenty brothers- and sisters-in-law!"

↑ yehudis

Mon, Jan 24 2005, 3:25 pm

freilich wrote:

Yehudis wrote whaaat? Confused

The article on aish.com. Her name is Devorah Talia Gordon. Sorry I wasn't clear.

Page 1 of 1