How to be a good homemaker- please help.

PinkandYellow ↓

Mon, May 15 2006, 5:52 am

DH and I our trying to put ourselves together, basically we want to bugdet and also try to be mesader the apt.

1- How do you budget/figure out how much you can spend on what/keep yourself from buying out the store everytime you go shopping-even tho you absolutely needed everything you bought?

2- What do you do to keep the house in order. We are both away for most of the day but all 3 of us (dh, ds adn I) are messy. Do you schedule cleaning (one day dishes, another sweeping, laundry) and other household chore? How, what and when? How do I become a (good) housewife Scratching Head

?

3- do you do menu planning and how?

I know this sounds like 20 questions, but really I'm so desperate. My apt is a wreck and it makes me depressed and sad Crying

to think that I am so incompetent and not put together.
Help

TIA

shalhevet ↓

Mon, May 15 2006, 6:34 am

1- We used to gradually get more and more overdrawn because we were spending more than our income every month on things we "needed." Now the sit is much better so I'll pass on a tip.

Use only (or nearly only) cash. If you use cheques or a credit card you buy what you "need" but if you go into a shop with X shekel in your pocket you will put back some of those things that you discover you can live without or you will leave money aside if you know by buying that luxury you won't have money left for milk tomorrow morning. we use a credit card just for paying bills by phone, standing order etc (because it saves time) but some people need to throw their credit card away. I once heard a tip to keep your credit card in a bowl of water in the freezer!
If you're overspending cut back. The best way is supposed to be to write out all income and expenditure and budget but I can't be bothered, so if you work with cash you will soon see you are overspending if you have none left by the 15th of the month! We have stopped buying a lot of things we once considered standard. e.g bottles of soda for shabbos, now we drink diluted apple juice concentrate; our kids get a new pair of socks or hair barrettes etc for yom tov and not new clothes if they don't absolutely need them; in the summer there are free parks etc and not expensive places to visit. As you cut your standard of living you enjoy things all the more. E.g. our kids have rolls only on Rosh Chodesh so it's a real treat. I buy fruit according to what's on offer that week. (If you live near a Bar Kol in Israel they have 2-3 kinds of fruit every week on Tue-Wed which are really cheap, so that's what we eat that week.)

↑ shalhevet

Mon, May 15 2006, 8:53 am

MosheDovid'sMom wrote:

ok, the don't use cc or checks part makes sense to me. however, my prob is what if I want to do a major once a week or month shopping at a cheaper store to save money in the long run. would you recomend that or avoid it (bec then you would do tashlumim)?

Tashlumim is a terrible way to get into a financial rut! We used to think it was great to buy for Pesach and spread it out into 6 payments. The result? When you get to Rosh Hashana you have no money because you are still paying for matzas!!! Buy this month only what you absolutely need with the money you have (if you are in debt you might have to do it gradually) Then next month you will have more money b/c you won't be paying off the tashlumim from this month. Also beware of 3 washing powders for the price of 2 when you don't even need one this month. OK, it'll cost another shekel (perhaps) next month but now you don't have the money for it (if you need the cheese instead for tomorrow) when you buy with tashlumim you have to pay in the end (sounds obvious but we don't always remember at the time) and then there's less money next month.

Quote:

where is bar kol?

They have in almost every city with a chareidi population. Look in the phone book or you can pm me with where you live and I'll look on the list of branches for you.

happymom

Mon, May 15 2006, 9:29 am

Quote:

I know this sounds like 20 questions, but really I'm so desperate. My apt is a wreck and it makes me depressed and sad to think that I am so incompetent and not put together.

THis could be part of the problem. you are feeling sad and incompetant about the mess that it prob makes it harder for u to get it in order. For some people organization is hard, and it isnt thier strong point. If you can accept that fact, and realize u arent bad for it, then that can be a good start.

I think it might help for you to get a cleaning lady who is very good at organizing who can come for as many hours as u need one day (or for a few days) and help you get your house in order. It doesnt even have to be a cleaning lady, it can be anyone who is good at helping organize. Once your house is in order, it will be alot easier for u to keep it that way. the way I do it is I clean up everything every night before I go to bed, and dont leave anything for the morning.
goodluck and im sure u can do it!

Last edited by happymom on Mon, May 15 2006, 11:51 am; edited 1 time in total

mimsy7420

Mon, May 15 2006, 9:48 am

Um, I think the problem was lack of cash - therefore there probably isn't room in the budget for a cleaning lady. For me the best thing I can do is when I cook supper- I make doubles and freeze. Like on sunday when I don't have work I make meatballs and freeze some. I make chicken for one night that week. That way on the nights that I have cooked ahead I have time to do a different chore - like laundry etc. It's very hard when you come home from work then start cooking supper and then serve it and then clean it up - by the time you finish that there won't be time for other chores. So thats the best this I can suggest - cook at least three suppers ahead and then you will have three relatively free nights to do other things.

klotzkashe

Mon, May 15 2006, 11:13 am

I am a terribly messy person. I like order, but I'm lazy. My house used to always be a mess. My MIL intimidated me becuase her house is so clean you could lick the floor and your tongue would be clean.

I learned a few good tips form her;
First of all - EVEYRTHING has a SPECIFIC place where it belongs. Pens go in a pen cup by the phone, the bathtoys are on the ledge of the bath, the dishwashing detergent doesnt' sit by the sink it goes int he cupboard under the sink.
So when it comes to tidying up - things need merely to be put back where they belong. AND when you're cooking for example, when you've used the salt, you put it back in the pantry. When you're writing a shopping list and your finished, the pen goes back into the pen cup. That way things get put back continuously and mess doens't buidl up.

2. DO a load of laundry everyday - that means you stick in in the washign machine, dry it and fold it. I put a load in about 20 mins after I get up (generally, I do it just as im about to prepare my toddler's breakfast) adn then I hang it up and by the afternoon it is folded and PUT AWAY! That way your laundry can't build up into a mountain (I used to have that and my husband never had clean socks bc I'd do laundry only when it was stotally necessary.)

3. go to bed everynight only after having spent 15 mins doing SOMETHING to tidy the house.

4. dont' leave your toilets, floors etc. more than one week without a mop and clean - if you leave them longer they stink, are harder to clean etc.

5. Invest in containers or baskets that help you to organise clutter;
EG. laundry hampers in your room, bathroom and your kids room
toy boxes for your kids toys (and you can store away the toys that moshe dovid doens't play withanymore)
this links back to idea #1 - everything should have a place.

6. CLAYG - clean as you go - don't let all the ingredients or used utensils to the side onc eyou're finsihed with them. put away the ingredients and clean the bowls before you go to the next step of the recipe. when you put the cake int he oven you'll turn around and see a clean kitchen (and a mixing bowl drying by the sink!)

7. everyday try and focus on one room that will be tidied up w/ some more focus. other rooms shoudl be suprficially tidied but e/day do one room - ie. your bedroom, bathrooms etc.

if you maintain instead of moving into damage control once a week bc its' erev shabbo sand the place reeks - then you'll find it so much easier.

As my shvigger says - if the cereal in the bowl is a day old - it tkaes me two minutes to clean it. if it was a minute old it would just need a rinse off...

good luck! it took me to move houses to get ontop of things, and now with two kids bh I have really gone in leaps and bounds - it just tpook the realisation that it doens't have to be so difficult.

queen

Mon, May 15 2006, 12:15 pm

I'd recommend shopping once a week and not going only once a month for entire orders. Hard to know exactly what you'll need and probaby end up spending more than necessary.

However- know where you are shopping, even when going for your once a week spree. (ONCE A WEEK. make a list and KEEP TO IT). Don't buy cereal at the kosher market as it most probably is over priced.

Make a menu for the week, listing all ingredients you'd need for those meals/snacks/lunches, including shabbos. This will help avoid impulse buying- something stores are trained to try and pull from customers. There is a whole art as to what is placed where, and at what level (top/bottom/eye level) in the super markets. Staples (eggs/milk etc) are never at the front of the store, but the back--- making sure you've walked right through the store, hopefully picking up items on the way you otherwise wouldn't have bought.

Keep an eye open for sales in your Sunday paper. We get the Sunday paper JUST for the coupons/sales papers. When mayonaise is on sale- 2 for $4, buy extra. This way you wont be buying mayonaise at 1 tub for $3.50. Then, if you have a coupon to top the sale----- you'll have the stores practically handing YOU back money. (clip coupons as you go through the circular each week and file them away. This way you'll easily be able to find what you need. DON"T buy items JUST bec. you have a coupon.)

Check your cabinets... I'm sure you have food just sitting there, and not being used. Be creative and use up these items. You'll be glad to have that kitchen cabinet space back again, and save money on groceries that week.

Are you eating out a lot or buying lots of prepared foods/meals? Those can be costly.
A good way to track where all your money is going, is to write down every penny you spend over these next 4 weeks.

Hope these help you... and good for you for working on your home. It'll only make for a happier and nicer place for all of you to enjoy

Sunny

zigi

Tue, May 16 2006, 2:27 pm

wow really good tips! thnaks for the advice!

start small when trying to put the house in order, make a list of what has to get done and work on only that item for 5-10 min straight, you will notice that you are making progress, and might be motivated to totally finishing the job,
cash is really good it makes you be on top of things, and you wind up saving money, but you have to becareful to make sure you take out enough for each week. other wise you could wind up taking more than you need, I e atms that only work in 20's.
at the begining of the week check out what you have in the house and write a shopping list, so you can avoid impulse purchases. I like to pre shop, I go to the store without any money so I can get some menu ideas and see what the prices are and see whats on specials. then I buy what I need.
but buying toilet paper etc things like that its really good to stock up if you can get it bulk, because its cheaper than the local stores, also if you have to run to the store to buy toilet paper.. the soda looks yummy, hey I have change....

cooking double or triple is really good its like having expensive ready made food on hand, when baking chicken make a few more pans, then you can take out as much as you need micro it make rice you have a meal, also make double batches of cake, etc nechoma griesman has really good freezer tips!

BrachaC

Tue, May 16 2006, 2:30 pm

I haven't read this suggestion yet- FLY Lady can really help you start at the beginning and work toward a more organized home.

In Israel it is tough to shop once a week if you don't live in an neighborhood close to a grocery store, or if you don't have a car. But, it is important not to do the tashlumim thing, cuz then you are still paying for last month's groceries while you need to buy this months.

It can be hard to get an apartment in order. One of the single most important pieces is to let go of CLUTTER. If you don't NEED it, chuck it. I try to throw out a few things every time I do a real play room clean up (once a week e/t goes back into its specific box). That way the broken pieces and miscellaneous items can find their way into the garbage can and not just right before Pesach.

Also once you come up with a scaled down list of the things you need at the grocery store give yourself x amount of money, or x number of items to splurge on so you won't feel deprived and resent the whole exercise.

Crayon210

Tue, May 16 2006, 3:02 pm

To deal with spending too much in stores, go in with a list (in grocery stores-those lists should be based on actual menus that you are planning to make this week, or things that you generally need that ran out). Stick to the list! (Unless you remember that you ran out of wipes and didn't put it on the list.)

In terms of the apartment--set a specific amount of time/items you will declutter each day...be brutal, get rid of things you don't need, try to get out of "maybe" or "one day" or "just in case" mode...and get the items out of the house as soon as possible. You will slowly but surely see progress. Don't feel the need to spend 3 hours doing this, since you'll crash and burn and never do it again.

Try to get basic morning and evening routines--as simple as clearing the floor, couch, table, etc. Include things like laundry and dishes so that you do them gradually (I try to do dishes as soon after the meal as possible), rather than dreading Wednesday because it's Dish Day Sad

.

If you want more advice or elaborations, feel free to ask or PM me.

doublelucky

Tue, May 16 2006, 3:15 pm

1-

we came up with a great system that works really really well for both of us...
at the beg. of each week( when my dh gets his paycheck) he divides the $ right away into separate accounts(online). Basically, we have like 8 dif. accnts set up, food,clothing,bills,misc,going out.. etc . Each time we go out we transfer the $ from an accnt. into my regular every day debit card accnt. so that I have to $ to get what I need This may sound confusing and complicating but it has helped us budget soooo well! and it has helped us use our $ wisely

2-
The # thing is to always put things away right away, if you make a sanwhich for ex. don't leave the ont. pnt btr. on the counter, put it away... make the bed as soon as you get out of it.. out your impt. pprs. in a safe place, like a file box...don't let things pile up.. esp. dishes and things like that, ....
we do laundry once a week and have a clng lady 2xs a week, which helps TREMENDOUSLY esp. when you have kids...

3- We have dairy/meat every other night ex. Sun- meat, Mon- dairy.. etc.
I pretty much have a "menu" that I rotate and change every two weeks...

hope these tips help G' luck and don't stress! Turn on the music, open the windows, get into comfy cleaning cloths and have fun!! Wink

amother ↓

Mon, Jun 05 2006, 2:00 pm

just saw your posts. (Isn't interesting how one's thoughts and speech etc. can still reverberate months later?)

We are in debt. I've never been in a situation like this. I need parnasa. My dh wants to learn full-time and the school won't re-enroll my dd if we don't pay $7000+ for the current year. It is all overwhelming.

My dh and dd want to go to Eretz Yisrael, but I'm worried about our financial situation. My ivrit is mediocre. My dh thinks tutoring English will bring in decent money. Well maybe some, but I doubt enough to support a family.

RE: happymom's posts . I agree that it good to be more frugal at home. I am amazed how much baa' tashit there is. I notice it in others however, even though I buy less, I still waste too.

On a related note, I have a hard time getting rid of stuff. I suppose its all a test in bitachon and getting comfort from Hashem rather than stuff. Anyone have progress in this area?

↑ chen

Mon, Jun 05 2006, 3:01 pm

One thing I did was stop running to the cash machine all the time. I used to keep my paycheck in checking and take out $20 or $30 from the cash machine whenever I needed. Then I decided to put myslef on an allowance: I estimated our usual cash expenses, such as carfare, groceries, and so on, added a small percentage for miscellaneous, and took that out every payday. (I'd take out extra before yomtovim and other times when I anticipated added expenses.) I'd immediately buy enough train tickets to last through next payday so I'd always have my carfare no matter what, and clip together and label the rest of the cash: so much for groceries, so much for the babysitter, and so on. when the cash ran out I didn't buy any more stuff till next payday, and I ended up wasting a lot less.

I still do this to a certain extent, except that my "groceries" category now is almost equal to my entire biweekly cash budget back then! (It was a long time ago.)