9 year old's shocking diary entry!

↑ amother ↓

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 4:31 pm

I grew up in a sheltered frum community, but still at that age I already had that romantic side to me and did fantasize about marrying various cousins/family friends. Today we are all married and friendly with each other's spouses...It's very normal and your dd will outgrow it. Don't make it into an issue and it is nothing to freak out about. In fact, several girls I babysat growing up were about that age and told me shamelessly about neighborhood boys they used to play with and now have crushes on. All are happily married today. Don't sweat it, this is completely normal!

As for 'the talk', you can do it when you feel ready, but I knew about it before my mother approached me, which was around age 11, and I didnt get it until 13, but of course I played dumb and pretended to be innocent and naive.

Girls will be girls! Some more naive and others lean more toward romance, don't worry that she isnt like your older dd, every child is different, and adults are different too...it comes out at an early age! G'luck!

pacifier

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 4:50 pm

amother wrote:

My DD is like this - she is also 9. It's hard. I believe that the main thing is to be positive, not to condemn her thoughts, just to put them in a healthy, frum perspective.

I would be very careful how you approach this with her, it might hurt her very much that you read her diary, even though she left it there. (BTW I am not condemning you for reading it, I have done the same thing).

why should you need to talk about it with her? from what you say, it's pretty innocent and just the expression of her thoughts and dreams about marriage, all of which seem appropriate. If you talk to her about it, she might feel very deceived and insecure (that her property is not hers, that her mother would read something she's not allowed to....)
Would you want your daughter to spy on you?(read your diary, look into your room...)

blahblah

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 8:46 pm

I would buy her a diary that has a lock on it so if she leaves it around by mistake her older brother won't read it and give her grief about it. you'll also be teaching her a valuable lesson about privacy. I don't think you should tell her you read it unless she specifically asks then don't lie to her and you need to apologize to her. while I can't say for certain that I wouldn't have done the same thing out of curiosity, it still would have been wrong. I agree with the previous poster who said unless you think there is a danger, you don't read their stuff. it's important that she knows she can trust. otherwise she'll never come to you with anything and she'll start to bottle stuff up instead. I think its great for her to have this outlet. and when you give her the diary with the lock, you can tell her that what she writes is private but she should know that if there is ever anything she wants to discuss with you, you'll never think she's weird etc. and if you think she has an easier time writing, then you can tell her that if its easier for her if she writes it down for you to read, that's fine too.

as far as what she wrote....totally normal thoughts IMO. your kid is growing up , which I realize can be hard to accept....but it's the reality

Blue jay

Tue, Dec 22 2009, 9:27 pm

OP, I think your overthinking this one...

Your daughter is thinking completely normal thoughts even for a 9 year old. I started dreaming of romance since I was 4. Why do girls care about their appearance ( make up and hair ) starting at young ages. Why to pre-teen girls speak so loud, Its to attract the opposite relations!

Try to avoid stumbling on your daughters diary again and respect her privacy. However talk to your daughter about periods and what the clinical definition of relations is. Dont let it be a mystery to her she should know.

I learned about relations from my camp counselors when I was 10, they were later reprimanded but the damage was done and I told my mom to come clean. I remember surpressing my giggles but I was glad my mom told me, Whenever I had questions I always turned later to my mother.

relaxed

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 11:19 am

Another vote for your daughter sounding perfectly normal, OP.

I was about 5 when I started paying attention to boys and, being the voracious reader I was then, knew plenty about romance by the time I was 6 (not that my parents had any clue, I sneaked my mother's romance books under my blanket, in the bathroom, etc etc). While I was a tad precocious, it's really not that unusual for girls your daughter's age to think and fantasize about boys and romance. Especially if she's fairly observant of what goes around her.

Re: the diary, it's good you didn't show indication that you'd read it. Privacy is high up there on the list of important stuff when it comes to teens and pre-teens.

718

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 1:36 pm

I think I was a lot like your daughter... I very strongly agree with Greenfire. I wouldnt even mention that you saw her notebook but I would have an adult conversation which obviously is called for at this time.
I always used to stare at kissing couples, wonder about boys... all the works. I was probably younger than 9 too. My older sisters ,neighbors told me things too... my husband said that his sisters told him about facts of life when he was very young... kids talk about these things.
I really wanted to talk to my mom about it and I purposely asked her questions but she always avoided. I think the best thing you could do is to sit her down and have a talk.
But I dont know what you should say lol
Just make sure to satisfy her interestes...

↑ amother

Wed, Dec 23 2009, 9:45 pm

op here. So I've been trying to remember what I was like at age 9 (just barely 9!). I would have just started fourth grade. Well, in third grade there was a boy who liked me and wrote me love letters, which I saved in scrapbook. My heart definitely did go pitter-patter when I saw him. And even in second grade, I had a crush on a boy.

Now in fourth grade... I absolutely loved a boy who was two years older than me, and that crush lasted for THREE years (until he left the school). I really wanted to marry him. I did have a diary (it's all coming back to me now) and I definitely wrote about him!! (I also gave cuteness ratings to all the boys I knew.) Exactly at my daughter's age. So, yes, definitely, it is not only normal, but apparently hereditary. Very Happy

But then, I wasn't frum, I did watch TV etc., and all of that, so it was a different world for me. But I guess all of that doesn't really make the difference...