Woman telling e/o my son is a bully- he really isnt!

amother

Tue, Dec 01 2009, 12:33 pm

HELP! A woman in my neighborhood is telling people that my son is a bully - but he really is not. The principal even agreed with me that he is not. Her son is very immature, doesn't play like the rest of the boys, etc.
Why is my son a bully? 1- at basketball games he stands very close to the player with the ball and puts his hands up so the child cant shoot the ball. (sign of a good player, not a bully) 2- He tells other kids to leave him alone and will fight back when started with - her son just goes crying to her if something happens. (he sticks up for himself and his friends.
I am not saying my son is an angel- he gets very intense about things sometimes, but he NEVER starts up with people who didnt instigate. THat is NOT what a bully is. She feels he is a bully cause she totally babies her son (the principal even said that the same way my son wouldnt react that way to a 3 year old, he shouldnt react to her kid cause he is like a 3 year old)
This woman makes me so angry - DH says there is nothing I can do - I would love nothing more than to punch her in the nose. Ok, maybe I am the bully here, but I am seething, and totally preoccupied with this!!

Leahle18

Wed, Dec 02 2009, 5:27 am

ok- take deep breath and put your fists down LOL

if you think you can do it calmly, I would call the mother and tell her that you have discussed the matter with the principal and he does not see a problem. I would not come off as angry, but instead present yourself as concerned for both children.

let her know that you don't want to start fan any imaginary fires between the kids and you're calling because you want both boys to be happy in school.

if you cannot speak calmly, the negative energy you put forth will just feed her idea that your kid is a bully. speak calmly and in a refined manner. speak like a bas melech. don't let her know that everyone thinks she is babying her son. she will just become defensive and not hear you. Keep the conversation very short so no emotions can make their way in. Wish her lots of nachas and say goodbye.

OR if this whole thing is not bothering your son, ignore it. be extra nice and daven that your son will have sterling middos- this is a nisayon from Hashem and you can use it however you think is best for you to grow.

Merrymom

Wed, Dec 02 2009, 10:34 pm

I wouldn't bother talking to the other mother. I once had an ongoing issue with some kids on my children's bus and the mother got so defensive. It was a pity because I liked her but when it came to her kids she was just blind and she kind of got mad at me. Finally we just agreed that our kids would not sit near each other on the bus and that finally quieted things down. You have to ignore what she's saying and ask your son to try to be a little extra nice to this one particular boy. If nothing changes just stay out of it. Nobody is going to look badly at your son unless they feel their child is being bullied as well.