What's the Key to Happiness?

↑ Tefila ↓

Tue, Jan 17 2006, 9:35 am

Quote:

1) they knew exactly what they wanted (I.e. their lives had meaning)

That I agree with Wink

Quote:

2) they felt they were on the way to getting it - that the way they lived their lives was getting them closer to their goal

Motek with all due respect to the Harvard physycologist # 2 I don't agree with.
You see there are people in life when looking at them you would think they had it all from the happiness they radiate. but in truth some of these people had or have a very hard sad life.

So yes Lucky it's a choice and Happy is the man who is content with his lot Wether they reach their goal or not, and one who takes each day as another lease on life, another opportunity Exclamation

carrot

Sun, Jan 22 2006, 1:19 pm

LubavitchLeah wrote:

I dont want to harp on too much about the "secular psychological theories" because Torah is the only Emes however there is a grain in of truth in everything so here goes. According to Victor Frankl, a yiddishe boy:) A psychiatrist , an Existentialist, a survivor of the holocaust, lost family, very sad. He writes all about "mans search for meaning" (infact that is a name of one of his books. He discusses "why we want to live? what gives us reasons to live?" His theories are MEANING related, meaning comes in many forms, love, a great works, etc. Freud is all about pleasure, thus "pleasure principle" Adler is all about POWER yet Frankl is MEANING. As yidden our meaning is TORAH, connecting to our essence, which emanates and spreads light unto the world. However as an observant Yiddishe woman I dont tend to give too much gravity to secular theories even if they make sense, whats the point, the answers are all in our Torah.

1) I totally recommend that book ("Man's Search for Meaning"). Sometimes when I am going through something really difficult and seemingly hopeless, I read a little bit of it and it makes me excited to live again.

2) A lot of what he says actually comes from the Torah. He quotes Pesukim and he describes counseling frum Jews, how he adapted his theories to go along with their beliefs. So I don't think it is a contradiction AT ALL.

↑ Motek ↓

Thu, Feb 02 2006, 9:30 am

I don't know if this is true or not but:

Quote:

Michael is the kind of guy you love to hate. He is always in a good mood and always has something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"

He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Michael was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation. Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Michael and asked him, I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"

Michael replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself, Mike, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood. I choose to be in a good mood.

Each time something bad happens, I can choose to be a victim or I can choose to learn from it. I choose to learn from it.

Every time someone comes to me complaining, I can choose to accept their complaining or I can point out the positive side of life. I choose the positive side of life.

Yeah, right, it's not that easy," I protested. "Yes, it is," Michael said.

"Life is all about choices. When you cut away all the junk, every situation is a choice. You choose how you react to situations. You choose how people will affect your mood. You choose to be in a good mood or bad mood. The bottom line: It's your choice how you live life."

I reflected on what Michael said.

Soon thereafter, I left the Tower Industry to start my own business. We lost touch, but I often thought about him when made a choice about life instead of reacting to it.

Several years later, I heard that Michael was involved in a serious accident, falling some 60 feet from a communications tower. After 18 hours of surgery and weeks of intensive care, Michael was released from the hospital with rods placed in his back.

I saw Michael about six months after the accident. When I asked him how he was, he replied. "If I were any better, I'd be twins. Wanna see my scars?"

I declined to see his wounds, but did ask him what had gone through his mind as the accident took place. "The first thing that went through my mind was the well-being of my soon to be born daughter," Michael replied.

"Then, as I lay on the ground, I remembered that I had two choices: I could choose to live or I could choose to die. I chose to live."

Weren't you scared? Did you lose consciousness?" I asked.

Michael continued, "...the paramedics were great. They kept telling me I was going to be fine. But when they wheeled me into the ER and I saw the expressions on the faces of the doctors and nurses, I got really scared.

In their eyes, I read 'he's a dead man.' I knew I needed to take action."

"What did you do?" I asked.

Well, there was a big burly nurse shouting questions at me," said Michael. "She asked if I was allergic to anything. 'Yes, I replied." The doctors and nurses stopped working as they waited for my reply. I took a deep breath and yelled, "Gravity."

Over their laughter, I told them, 'I am choosing to live. Operate on me as if I am alive, not dead'."

Michael lived, thanks to the skill of his doctors, but also because of his amazing attitude. I learned from him that every day we have the choice to live fully.

amother

Thu, Feb 02 2006, 2:49 pm

Motek I love reading your responses. You are absolutley right. Do we really need more analysis than Pirkei Avos? I went to a Melaveh Malka for parents of children with disabilities. My dh & I were unsure if we should go b/c he finds these things depressing.(our baby has Down Syndrome).A friend who is always happy & also has a baby with a disability said go .She finds these things so uplifting b/c she looks at the parents & sees that they are happy people (ok , not all of them ).Guess what ? she was absolutly right. I looked at some of the parents, some with $ some without,some with a lot of other kids,older kids, younger kids... All different types. There was no one indicator of who was happy except choice! These were people who all have reason to unhappy. They Choose to be happy. [/I]

↑ Motek

Tue, Mar 07 2006, 5:30 pm

thank you

On many occasions, the Lubavitcher Rebbe gave numerous reasons for every Jew to be constantly happy. Among them are:

1) Among the billions of creations that exist in Hashem’s world, Hashem chose us, the Jewish people, the few in number, to be his special nation. Hashem, the King of kings, chose to dwell in our homes and our bodies. What pleasure and joy this ought to engender in every thinking person.

How happy a person would be if a great king would come visit him in his home; how he would prepare for his visit! And we are speaking not of a king of flesh and blood but the King of kings, Hashem, who comes to dwell in the home and body of a Jew. Nu, we ought to be happy! Yes

2) We live in an affluent generation in which Hashem, in His great compassion and kindness gives us material abundance in all facets of life, for example, in the field of medicine where there are a wealth of discoveries and amazing advancements. Fortunate are we that we have merited to see and enjoy all this, and certainly to use them for holy purposes.

In previous generations, they did not have the spiritual abundance we have. Anybody can buy sefarim and mitzva objects (esrogim, tefillin etc.). The Rambam had only 80 sefarim in his library shock

while today, many ordinary Jews have hundreds even thousands of sefarim.

3) The main thing is, “sisu v’simchu b’simchas ha’Geula,” the prophetic announcement of the Rebbe that we are the last generation of galus and the first generation of Geula. This ought to cancel all forms of sadness and arouse tremendous simcha in our hearts. In another few seconds, all of galus and all suffering will disappear. Hinei, hinei Moshiach ba! Cheers

ny_ima ↓

Wed, Mar 15 2006, 9:01 pm

Quote:

The key to happiness is wanting to be happy. It is a choice you make

no offense, but what a bunch of *#@*? who doesn't want to be happy?
(and if someone 'likes' to act miserable for selfpity...then, there u go again, they're happy-happily playing the les miserables!)

in my humble opinion, He who gives health wealth etc. also gives happiness. it's a gift like all others, seperate to any others. nothing can make you happy besides happiness. some ppl are better equiped to deal with situations, are less sensitive, thus mishamayim has a happier disposition.

someone once asked a great rabbi if when one is punished from above, does he have to cry and be miserable for the punishment to expire? the answer was that the punishment is carried out regardless. if so, you have the choice of suffering and being miserable or trying to make the best out of it; the choice is obvious. that being said, I still believe that only Hashem can give us happiness! THAT being said, Hashem, can you please keep me always happy and please bring happiness to all?!

↑ happymom ↓

Wed, Mar 15 2006, 9:30 pm

Quote:

who doesn't want to be happy?

its not that some people don't want to be happy but some people don't do anything about it and just wait for it to "come to them..." they blame others for not being happy...

making the CHOICE to be happy doesn't mean wanting to be happy. It means making up your mind that u will work on making YOURSELF happy... noone else can do it for u.... and finding things to do that make u happy whatever it may be, working on yourself, being a better mother, daughter, wife etc... loosing weight.... anything... but working on it constantly and looking for the good in every situation...seeing how everything is meant to be, and learning to laugh alot, rather then being angry........ so many things... but its definitely a CHOICE, not just given from Hashem. Hashem gives everyone the power within them to work on themselves to be happy though!

↑ ny_ima

Wed, Mar 15 2006, 9:50 pm

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but some people don't do anything about it and just wait for it to "come to them

(true story)
2 men go to get blessing from rabbi
they both ask for blessing for parnassah
to the first, the rabbi says; hang around the synagogue thus meeting many people till you find a job.
to the second, the rabbi says; sit and learn torah and Hashem will provide for you.
why did he tell one one thing and the other another?
the rabbi answered: from the request he learnt about the level of emunah of the person. the first guy said, rabbi, I need to find a job to feed my family please bless me to find a source of income... to which the rav replied, may Hashem help you find a job, hang around ppl for contacts-do your hishtadlus....
the second, said; rabbi, I need a bracha that Hashem should provide for me and my family so we will have our neccesities, please bless us. from that, the rav understood his level of bitachon, that he knows Hashem will provide for him, thus advising him to sit and learn torah and trust Hashem, and gave him his blessing.

things DO 'come to us'. sometimes we see it clearer, and other times we feel we need 'to help Hashem' so to speak, by doing our share. may we be zoche to have emunah and bitachon on high levels!

↑ gryp

Thu, Jun 22 2006, 8:43 pm

I heard a pretty amazing call to Dr Laura a few days ago. The caller said she has chronic depression for the past ten years, and (for some reason, im not sure what) she can not take any medication.
Dr Laura asked her what shes been doing for the past ten years, and she answered: I have 3 children to raise and I need to stay happy in order to raise them. thats my responsibility and goal in life, and its a constant struggle all day every day, but I have no choice. I need to be happy to raise them!

(Dr Laura recommended she do a certain amount of exercise each day to help.)

I do wonder about this caller, how she is able to successfully battle her constant struggle with depression with no meds.

anybody have a similar experience at all like that?

faigie

Fri, Jun 23 2006, 7:28 am

I was taught. fulfillment come from the light. everything we want , yearn for and need is in the light.
lack of chaos is in there too, everything.
I am happy when I a am surrounded by people who love me and I love,, have enough money for my wants <andcontrol> and have my health. those needs extend to those I love as well. if they arent ok IM NOT ok. I also appreciate lack of chaos in my life. thigs should go beseder.
what I do to achieve those goals,<to>, is to constantly work on myself, and connect to the light with the ana bakoach tefila.
not to sound baal gayvadik c"v, but the above is seriosly good advice.

sugaray

Sun, Jun 25 2006, 12:03 am

I think the key to happiness is looking for and seeing the positive in people and situations. I think religion comes into play with this idea as well because sometimes a person needs his faith in order to focus on the positive when it may not be so obvious.

I agree that while it may be in someones nature to be happy, it is still a choice. the midah of looking for the positive can be worked on and improved with effort. this leads to less lashon harah and an overall positive, happy attitude. with this attitude, of course she/he will have more friends. who wants to be around a sourpuss who focuses on the negative, and is always complaining and talking lashon harah? and a positive, happy attitude leads to better self-esteem because seeing the positive in yourself and focusing on your better qualities make you feel better about yourself.