asked about hair covering

nicole81 ↓

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 10:51 pm

I teach 80 high schoolers in East Flatbush. I used to wear a fall to work, and when I switched to my full sheitel a few months ago, the girls could not stop commenting on how nice and how different my hair looked. Nearly everyone asked if I got a weave or extensions (very common among black girls.) They literally talked about my hair for 2 weeks. One girl told me some people thought I was wearing a wig, but I was able to laugh her off. Then I heard another two girls whispering about if I was wearing a wig. This was starting to bother me, as I'd rather be frank with the kids than have rumors flying around. But the comments stopped shortly thereafter and it was business as usual.

Fast forward 4 months to today. A boy noticed my wedding band and asked if I was married. When I told him I was, he said "then that's not your real hair." I asked him what he meant and he told me he knows that when Jewish women get married, they cover their hair and only their husbands can see it. I was really shocked he knew this; my students are overwhelmingly ignorant about other cultures, so I never expected anyone to know this about me. (They do know I'm Jewish because I take off for chagim.)

He asked me if I was wearing a wig and I confirmed it since he was so respectful and up front about it. Two nearby students hear the discussion and he jumped in right away to explain that it's a religious thing and they should be respectful. I'm not sure telling him the truth was the best thing to do, but it opened up a dialogue about Jews, Nazis, the KKK, WW2, and the Holocaust. The discussion I had was with three students and one of them had never even heard of Hitler or the Holocaust. Another one didn't realize Nazis were so bad. We discussed neo-Nazis and he equated them to really bad KKK members and by the end of the discussion he came to the conclusion that if he was a Nazi, he would hate everyone in the classroom. So I guess it was informative, educational, and eye-opening. And I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing to expose these kids to other cultures.

However, I do know by tomorrow that the entire school will know I'm wearing a wig. I expect to hear rumors and whispers and rather than let people talk behind my back, I would prefer to clear the air and explain a little bit about my culture to them.

But there's one question I'm not really prepared to answer... why Jewish women cover their hair. I was asked that today but I skirted around the issue. I'm not fond of hair covering myself and the only thing that inspired me to start covering my hair again is that my own hair is gross. I'm really not into the mitzvah at all.

So how can I answer this question while not getting into halacha, and portray it in a positive-and-not-totally-weird light to these students if they ask???

Nicole

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 11:01 pm

I work with a similar population. A lot of the kids know I'm wearing a wig, andthey don't think it's weird - many black women do as well. (or as you said, weaves, extensions, the works).
You don't HAVE to portray it as nice for them- theyre not Jewish. Very Happy

I would just say that we keep our hair - a pretty part of a woman- special for our husbands.
Now if YOU want to hear inspiring things about covering your hair, THAT's different! Smile

Regardless of your intentions, kol hakovod for taking this step!

Fabulous

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 11:02 pm

I agree. All you have to say (if asked), is that religious Jewish women often cover their hair because once she is married, her hair is special and reserved only for her husband.

↑ nicole81 ↓

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 11:06 pm

yeah I guess you're right! I don't know why I'm thinking about it too much Smile

Mimisinger ↓

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 11:08 pm

I told. It was weird because I was in grad school and was always wearing tichels to school...then one day I showed up in a sheital and my prof. who grew up a religious muslim, asked me why I wasn't covering anymore. It turned into a whole thing about why a wig was ok, when it looked just like your hair. I said funny you should say that.

↑ nicole81 ↓

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 11:12 pm

grad students and professors are better equipped to handle that info and understand... I just worry about the students. however I do think it's a good thing to infuse them with a little insight into a world beyond their own!

octopus ↓

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 11:19 pm

Well, there are many reasons for hair covering. You can give them a few or choose one. Married women cover their hair to constantly remind themselves that they are married women. Both men and women have a covering over their head (men wear yarmulkas) to remind themselves constantly that G-d is above them- it helps invoke the yolk of heaven.

You can even say that in many other ancient cultures people covered their hair! Not covering your hair is fairly new and is part of western culture.

↑ octopus ↓

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 11:25 pm

Mimisinger wrote:

there are many reasons for hair covering. and a wig satisfies many of the requirements. plus, many women in america probably would not cover their hair at all if they were not allowed to wear a wig.

chaylizi ↓

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 11:37 pm

an african american coworker asked me about my wig at work in a voice loud enough so the entire nursing unit could hear. I was mortified especially since I hadn't said anything that would indicate I would welcome such a question.

↑ octopus ↓

Thu, Mar 19 2009, 11:44 pm

many african american's wear wigs or weaves. It's not like it's anything so foreign to them.

ss321

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 7:14 am

octopus wrote:

Both men and women have a covering over their head (men wear yarmulkas) to remind themselves constantly that G-d is above them- it helps invoke the yolk of heaven.

first of all nicole, kol hakavod for introducing them to all that. It is shocking that kids at a school in brooklyn, NY are so ignorant when it comes to nazism! Especially african americans who are obviosly very used to racism. I mean I know about the KKK. So whatever happened, however uncomfortable it might have been for you -I think in the long run you made a big difference in their lives and their outlook.
Second - I second what nicole said (the thing I quoted). This is the easiest and most straightforward approach. The concept of covering their hair isnt foregin to them, I think (but I am basing this mostly on movies) that most black women cover their hair when they go to church. And the concept of wigs isnt foregin to them either, many of them wear wigs, extensions, weaves, falls, etc, as black people are prone to very frizzy and brittle hair so - well it makes their lives much easier!
It doesnt sound like the initial guy who asked your, or the subsequent kids who overheard, were opposed to it, or making fun of it - they were probably just really shocked because they had never ever seen anything like it (or had but never realized) and you opened their eyes. Either way, I dont see how any bad could come from this!

The few times that classmates have realized I was wearing a wig (such as after a marathon long surgery where my hair was covered with one of those blue berets like a snood for 9 hrs but then I switched back to my wig from the locker right after and looked so good compared to e/o else w/o a shower or blowdrier!), I explained that it was a religious thing, the same way that you see the orthodox man wearing "kippahs" - those beany things, the women OFTEN (thereby excluding the single girls-didnt wanna get into that!) wear wigs, in order to remind us that G-d is above us at all times. Thats it, no one really got into it, just like oh wow thats so cool! I never realized. Move on.

trafficgal

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 10:38 am

I teach horseback riding, when I first got married I only had one shaitle and it was way to nice and expensive to wear to the barn so I used Tichiles, well the first show I took my students to I decided it was not nice to wear a tichel soooo I put my nice shaitle on and tied it back with a bow... it was about 5:30am when we all got to the barn bleary eyed and half asleep. I got out of the car and greeted my students and one of my students mothers pulled me aside. Looking completely embarrassed she starts stuttering.... "um um um I think you forgot something, um um" I was like what are you talking about and she pointed to her head. I laughed and explained it was a wig she was so relived! its amazing how when ppl. know your doing something b/c of your religion more times then not they are very supportive!!!!! I thought it was amazing that a [gentile] was so embarrassed for and worried about me!

freidasima

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 10:53 am

Why are women embarrased to say they are wearing a wig? For any reason? And especially for religious reasons? There is nothing embarrasing about it, it's cool.

Ruchel

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 11:24 am

freidasima wrote:

Why are women embarrased to say they are wearing a wig? For any reason? And especially for religious reasons? There is nothing embarrasing about it, it's cool.

it's cool if you get people to understnd you're not sick bh...

↑ chaylizi

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 11:28 am

I'm not embarrassed, but I find the more I talk about my background at work, the more I become a source of entertainment for them. a freak show, if you will. they all know I'm orthodox & I don't eat the food in the cafeteria. I wanted to come, do my work & go home. not cause them to ask questions I don't know how to answer.

↑ nicole81

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 1:46 pm

Ruchel wrote:

freidasima wrote:

Why are women embarrased to say they are wearing a wig? For any reason? And especially for religious reasons? There is nothing embarrasing about it, it's cool.

it's cool if you get people to understnd you're not sick bh...

one of the students from yesterday told me that the other kids are going to think I'm bald now! that's not really cool.

btw it's last period now and no one has said a thing to me all day. we'll see what happens next week. it's not a big deal at all apparently.

louche

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 2:13 pm

I'm astonished that black children think anything of it. more black women wear wigs than any group of white women except Dolly Parton and orthodox jews.

chocolate moose ↓

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 2:18 pm

Don't forget Cher !!!!!

↑ octopus

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 2:19 pm

chocolate moose wrote:

Don't forget Cher !!!!!

that's a wig?

↑ chocolate moose

Fri, Mar 20 2009, 2:19 pm

She very often wears wigs, or at least she used to. I haven't followed her in many years !